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The front seat can represent more than you realise (Picture: Getty Images) As kids, we battle it out for the front seat with our siblings, trying to nab pride of place in the passenger seat. We don’t care if we’re going to be in the car for hours or if we’re just nipping down the road to the shop – it’s the principle of the thing. This becomes less of an issue in adulthood, with little need to ‘call shotgun’ in your own car… at least until you travel with guests. When family or friends are driving with you, there are often unwritten etiquette rules that most people will follow. For instance, many of us would happily give up the passenger seat to someone with mobility issues, longer legs or travel sickness. However, when there are no issues with space or health, does it really matter who rides up front? Partner or parent in the passenger seat? (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto) According to hundreds of people on the internet, the answer is a resounding yes. The question of who should sit where in the car regularly divides people online, especially when it comes to partners and in-laws. One recent Mumsnet post pondered this, as an anonymous user took to the Am I Being Unreasonable forum to ask who should sit in the front: your partner or a parent? The woman says she always offers the front seat to her mother-in-law, but the older woman declines and sits in the back. However, her father-in-law always takes the front seat without hesitation and she feels it’s ‘sexist’. ‘I think the reason it bothers me is it comes across as though men [go] in the front, while me and MIL – the women – should be in the back,’ she explained. Similarly, on Reddit, a user known as u/juviaquinn recently asked fellow users whether their wife or their mum sits next to them when they drive, and this question has also been posted in several recent Facebook groups, including Etiquette and Manners and the Dull Men’s Club. @sofia.marbella Who should sit next to the husband in the car ? Marriage etiquette 101: 🚗💕 Once you’re married, your wife gets the front seat treatment! 😊 But, flexibility is key – if mom needs some extra comfort or legroom, she can definitely swap seats ,It’s all about finding that balance between tradition and TLC. Share your thoughts👇 #MarriageGoals#EtiquetteWithLove#etiquette ♬ оригінальний звук – vira_astra The comments on these posts have got pretty heated, with some arguing that partners should always sit together in the front as they are a ‘priority’. However others claimed wives should ‘defer’ to their mother-in-law out of ‘respect’. This is particularly important in certain cultures, where elders are always given the front seat for this reason. Gina Shepherd said: ‘Your wife should be the priority and she should choose. If it’s someone taller I have no trouble offering them the passenger seat if my husband were driving. But should he decide that for me I’ll be driving and he’d be in the boot, or walking.’ And an anonymous user agreed, writing: ‘The wife always sits in the front, and the mother through etiquette would sit in the backseat and not think anything of it. She’s the mother not the wife. The husband is married to the wife, not the mother.’ However, Brodie Cox thought: ‘I think you should choose your mother and no wife ought to be offended. Most of us prefer the front seat.’ Dorothy Bradford agreed, saying: ‘The mother sits in the front, no questions asked.’ On TikTok, many men felt similarly, in a clip posted by @vish.popat. In the video he asked people in the street if mum or wife goes in the front and every single man he spoke to said they would give the seat to their mum. @vish.popat Who sits in the front, Wife OR Mum? #fyp #foryou #leic ♬ The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (From “The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air”) (Karaoke Version) – Urock Karaoke What do the experts think? Metro asked sex and relationships therapist, Gigi Engle for her expert opinion on this front seat debate and whether it really holds any deeper meaning. Gigi’s theory is that there’s only really an issue if your partner is making you feel ‘less important’ than other people, by telling you to sit in the back all the time. ‘It’s not about the seat itself, it’s about what the seat represents,’ she explains. ‘For a lot of people, there are social conventions around sitting in the front seat – it means you’re the co-pilot and second in command to the driver. ‘In certain contexts, where you sit does say something about the respect you have in your relationship and how seriously you’re taken as a partner. ‘If you’re a tiny woman and your father-in-law is incredibly tall, then obviously this would be a matter of logistics and not respect, but if there are no issues with space or mobility and your partner is constantly putting his mum or dad in the front seat and making you sit in the back, you might start feeling like you’re not as important. ‘You shouldn’t ignore that, especially if it’s something you find upsetting or disrespectful.’ There are several social connotations around the front seats (Picture: Getty Images) Gigi, who works with 3Fun, does caveat that often when a situation like this arises, the seating arrangement isn’t the actual root of the issue, but merely a ‘symptom’ of a bigger problem. ‘Relationships are complex and this issue won’t exist on its own, it exists within context,’ she says. ‘If this is a red flag for you, or a concern for you, it’s likely an indicator of a larger issue that needs to be communicated and addressed.’ But it’s important that any feelings of disrepect are addressed between you both in a ‘respectful’ way, and you don’t broach the topic by going on the attack. Comment nowWho do you think should get the front seat: your partner or a parent?Comment Now ‘In stable, healthy partnerships, we should be open to receiving feedback,’ the therapist adds. ‘A partner who really cares for you, respects you and thinks you’re valuable won’t brush you aside, downplay you or say you’re being overdramatic. They’ll hear your concerns and be willing to figure out a solution where you can feel respected.’ Examples of this could include alternating who gets to sit in the front when you’re driving with your in-laws or other loved ones, or perhaps your partner agrees to have a private conversation with their parents about the situation. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
