Copyright Salt Lake City Deseret News
According to a recent Merrill Lynch survey, 51% of respondents planning to retire soon anticipate downsizing. Their primary reason was either to move closer to kids and grandkids or relocate to a place with better weather and more senior living amenities. Changes in health status or financial circumstances were also reasons cited for downsizing. “Downsizing isn’t just about square footage, it’s also about starting over,” Pam Dunford from Dothan, Alabama explains. “New house, new friends, new situation.” With her husband, Dunford started over in a big way. Following heavy rains in Midland, Michigan in May, 2020, the Edenville and Sanford dams broke, flooding more than 2,500 houses in the county including the Dunfords’ home. They were devastated. Food storage, keepsakes and antique furniture gathered over the years was destroyed overnight. The Dunfords had planned to retire and serve a Latter-day Saint mission. Now, what? Undeterred, they salvaged what they could and discarded or gave away the rest. Then, after repairs, they sold their home and left to serve their planned mission, leaving only a few remaining belongings in storage with friends. Midway through their mission, their son called. He was starting a new dental practice. Would they consider moving to the Dothan, Alabama area? They agreed. Working with a realtor, sight unseen, they bought a house half the size of their home in Michigan. While a second son later moved to the Dothan area and a daughter moved to a neighboring state, three years later they feel like they are still settling in. They’ve found things to do — crafts with the grandkids and church service in the area. But life is still an adjustment in a smaller house that lacks the neighborhood friends and accumulated memories of 18 years in a house they thought they would retire to in Michigan. Goldia Williams and her husband, Brent, have also moved recently, but instead of a smaller house they have moved into a nearby assisted living center in Smithfield, Utah. They’ve found the transition easier than they originally anticipated. “When we were first married, we lived in a trailer in Colorado,“ Williams says. “After moving to a two bedroom apartment, we were amazed how much extra room we had. Eventually, we bought a house in Preston, Idaho. Now, with only two rooms between my husband and me in this assisted living facility, we have come full circle. What we have isn’t very big, but then we don’t need very much, either. If we want to get each other’s attention, we don’t need to shout down a hallway. A whisper will do.” While often done for financial reasons, downsizing may not actually be cheaper. The cost of selling and buying a house, home repairs and renovations, mortgage costs and storage costs may all affect whether downsizing costs more or less than a previous much larger house. Sharon Clifford from St. George felt like downsizing was necessary after her husband began experiencing dementia. She needed a different type of house configuration to accommodate his condition. “I’m on my own,” she told me. “It is so overwhelming at times to care for him, decide what to keep and what to give away, and do all the packing and moving myself.” Besides sentimental keepsakes that she will either put into storage or give away, Clifford will also need to discard craft supplies and a hobby that has become a refuge for her. “I just don’t have room for them and I may not have time to do any of them for a while, either.” “Sometimes, I feel beleaguered, sometimes I just plain feel sad, but mostly I buckle up and do what I have to do,” she says. “There is no reason for me to complain or look for pity. I love my husband and there’s really no other choice that I have but to go forward and make the best of the situation.” Downsizing is much more than the physical acts of storing, transporting, and relocating to a new house or apartment. It is a major shift in personal, familial, and communal relationships. When downsizing, we usually refashion our place in our day-to-day world. This can interrupt long-standing connections and send a message, whether we like it or not, as Bob Dylan wrote that “the times, they are a-changing.” Downsizing changes a simple act of moving into a major life event. Although this can naturally be stressful, changing emotional and physical landscapes creates a potential opportunity to look at the world differently. “Among other things, I knew that once I downsized there was no going back,” a friend told me. “Nostalgia aside, there were some things that I needed to give away and close the book on the memories that went with them. We are much better at ‘new beginnings’ than ‘old endings.’” After visiting with dozens of people who have downsized, they emphasize that finding new hobbies, new friends, and new things to do is essential. “Downsizing isn’t the end of the world, although some people think that it is,” a neighbor told me. “Life changes and there are plenty of new opportunities in a new place if people will be open to them. It’s a chance to start over, to start fresh, and to have a personal makeover to go along with a home ‘make over.’ Living in the past isn’t healthy for anyone.” “When I was young, I couldn’t wait to get older so that I could do more things. Now that I’m older, I wish I was younger again so that I didn’t have so many heart aches and physical pains,” another friend told me. “I guess it’s easier to long for the past or worry about the future rather than live in the present. But, frankly, the present is all that we really have.” Sonja Jones was apprehensive about downsizing at first, knowing that she would be leaving some neighbors she cared about as well as recognizing she would need to give away some sentimental objects for which she had fond memories. But a year after moving, she not only had made a variety of new friends, but also kept in touch better with her former neighbors than she had before she moved. “Now, I plan outings and lunches with my friends,” she said. “We never did that before. I guess I thought we could always get together but, in fact, we just never did until I moved. Now, rather than thinking of downsizing as my ’last move,’ I’m seeing it as a chance to do things I’ve always wanted to do and making the most of social connections that I previously took for granted.” Like so many things, downsizing has its pluses and minuses, its advantages and disadvantages. It seems, downsizing is simply what we make it.
