Copyright The Oregonian
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Carrie and Ashley are both good friends of ours. We enjoy their company and accept their social invitations when offered. A few years ago, they had a kerfuffle that put a strain on their relationship. My wife and I didn’t want to play games or favorites, so we would invite them both to events. So far, every event where they’ve been in the same room has resulted in some sort of unpleasantness -- public enough to detract from the event itself -- and usually ends with one of them storming off. In private conversations, when we try to mitigate future occurrences, they both express regret for such incidents and resolve to do better, which we believe is genuine in that moment. But inevitably, something will happen again. Other friends at these events are aware of the issue and kind of shrug their shoulders when it happens, but we all are a bit sad about it. Now my wife’s birthday is coming, and she wants to invite our friends to a fancy restaurant -- including Carrie and Ashley, knowing there will be tension, and perhaps worse. No one would deliberately want to put their friends in unpleasant situations, but excluding one or the other also seems hurtful. Any recommendations for better handling this? Right now, we’re planning to continue to invite them both to things -- hoping for the best, but expecting some drama. GENTLE READER: How badly do you want your wife’s birthday to be drama-free? Enough to attempt to play peacemaker? If so, you and/or your wife might invite the two to lunch together before the party and try to broker a treaty. But if that fails -- and as all of your guests seem to be expecting a show anyway -- at least the entertainment at your wife’s party will be free.
