Copyright CNBC
Feeling financially unsafe in a relationship can happen to anyone, even billionaires. Kim Kardashian said her ex-husband Kanye West's unpredictable spending habits — including suddenly purchasing and giving away multiple Lamborghinis at a time — contributed to her decision to end the marriage in 2021, she told host Alex Cooper in an October episode of the "Call Her Daddy" podcast. "Not feeling safe, not even physically, maybe emotionally or even financially," Kardashian said. "That's a really unsettling feeling." Whether it's to pay bills or afford housing and food, we need money in life — which is why a lack of financial safety, or financial insecurity, is scary for most people, says Erika Wasserman, a financial therapist and CEO of Your Financial Therapist based in Parkland, Florida. The average person's unpredictable spending habits may not involve purchasing five Lamborghinis at a time, Wasserman says, but it can look like impulsively buying five Lego sets or taking out a new line of credit. Any situation where you don't see eye to eye with a partner you share finances with has the possibility of causing a significant amount of strain, she says. "When you can't trust the partner that you're with on how you're spending, saving and investing money, you become scared and fearful," Wasserman says. "Then, it rolls into other aspects of your relationship." Financial intimacy can make or break your relationship Financial intimacy should be just as important as emotional or sexual intimacy in a relationship, yet people often skip talking about their finances because it's taboo or uncomfortable, Wasserman says. An October study by business software company Intuit found that 37% of U.S. consumers start sharing their salaries around the time they decide to exclusively date their partner. Wasserman says this isn't enough: More people should talk about their finances when committing to serious relationships. Our financial habits impact everything in life. While money isn't why most couples fall in love, once the initial spark fades, financial behaviors can make or break a relationship, Wasserman says. If couples disagree and "there's no habit changing or plans in place, the spread tends to get bigger," Wasserman says. "That's where you see relationships start splitting apart." The No. 1 red flag to look out for Wasserman says the biggest red flag to watch for when determining whether you can align financially with a partner is stonewalling. Someone who avoids conversations about money or hides their spending early in a relationship will likely continue that behavior as things progress, she says. "If you're both willing to work on [financial intimacy], then there's hope for the relationship," Wasserman says. "But if one person's checked out, it doesn't work in any part of your relationship — with sex, with religion, with money. If you're both not willing to work on it and be open, then it's time to evaluate the relationship." Foster financial intimacy through storytelling When building financial intimacy and safety, focus on sharing your financial habits through storytelling, like sharing how often you went out to eat as a kid or your experiences grocery shopping with your parents. Direct questions about financial habits "tend to put people on guard," Wasserman says. If you do need to be direct, which Wasserman says can be important and appropriate at times, do it with "compassion and empathy." Understand that your partner may have a different background than you, and that can shape how they view conversations around money. Ultimately, the best thing you can do to set yourself up for success is to just "start the conversation," Wasserman says. "Financial intimacy takes time. It's grown together. It's open conversations. It's being vulnerable." Want to level up your AI skills? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It's new online course, How To Use AI To Communicate Better At Work. Get specific prompts to optimize emails, memos and presentations for tone, context and audience. Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It's newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.
