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Q. I’m 35. I have had a few long-term relationships in the past but have been single for about a year, dating here and there. I have a great job, great friends, and I am very active outside of work in all sorts of recreation league sports. About a year ago, a girl (27) started playing in one of my coed leagues. We hit it off, became quick friends. As time went on, she ended up showing interest in a friend of mine, so I tried to play matchmaker but it fizzled out. Over the course of the next few months, we’d hangout a few times a week, playing sports and doing other activities. We pretty much text every day. When together, the conversations are always great – a good mix of serious stuff with sophomoric stuff/sexual innuendos/banter mixed in. I do find her attractive; she is beautiful with a great personality, but when I am with her, I don’t my find myself attracted to her other than her just being a friend. Like, I never feel the urge to want to make a move or anything, BUT when I am not with her I can’t stop thinking about her and how I can’t wait to see her again. Historically, I am not a shy person when it comes to letting a girl know I am interested. In the past, if I wanted more than friendship from a girl I’d make my feelings clear to her. With this girl, I seem to only have those feelings for her when we are not hanging out. I miss her like crazy but when we are together I look at her as a friend and nothing more. I do get the sense she may be interested in being more than friends. I am in this weird friendzone thing of my own making. What do I do? – More Than Friends? A. You’re not repelled by her when you’re together. You still recognize that she’s beautiful. It sounds like you’ve been friends so long that when you’re hanging out, there’s a routine – one that has never involved kissing. Even if one part of your body is saying, “Wow. This could be very interesting,” another is probably thinking, “If we make out, would it be weird? Would it change this dynamic? Would it be a serious relationship from Second 1?” It’s a lot to consider, and it probably affects your desires. I do wonder how you’d feel if she dated someone else. I don’t think you’d like it! My thought: tell her you’re confused. Explain that you have romantic feeling for her sometimes, and that other times, it’s simply friendship. Ask her how she feels – and if she does have an interest in more, talk about what the two of you could do to figure this out. It might be very fun to answer all of your questions … together. – Meredith Readers? Is this letter writer attracted to the friend? In love with the friend? Thinking about the friend because there’s nothing else to do? Does age play into this? At 35, is it a slower burn when you fall for someone you really like (compared to 20s)?
