Copyright thespinoff
Regulations, Treaty settlements and a bit of uncouth language were the highlights of this sitting block – with some healthy sporting competition thrown in for good measure. This sitting week kicked off with an unconventional sight on the speaker’s lawn: mental health minister Matt Doocey riding a hopper ball to victory. Doocey, numerous National backbenchers and, by a twist of fate, this Spinoff reporter, found themselves competing in the “parliament games” on Tuesday, to raise awareness for Movember by way of egg and spoon races and other zero-ability-friendly sports. The highlights reel includes National MP Grant McCallum eating shit on the grass, MPs Sam Uffindell and Catherine Wedd wobbling arm-in-arm in a two-legged race, and a memorable speech by a slightly dishevelled Doocey. The thrill of physical exercise and being the MVP of the day must have gone to his head, because Doocey accepted an award from the Movember team by saying “they’re only giving me an award so they can be mad when I don’t give them money”. Meanwhile, around the corner on the parliamentary lawn, foreign affairs minister Winston Peters conducted himself with a bit more style. In a perfect promotional opportunity for the New Zealand First leader, the lawn was filled with demonstrators either protesting the Gene Technology Bill or retirement village operators: seniors and science-wary New Zealanders make up a nice chunk of the NZF voter base. Back inside the House, Tuesday’s question time kicked off with regulations minister David Seymour requesting an amendment to an answer he gave last week. He was wrong to say there was only one firetruck breakdown this year, and he’d like to withdraw the comment, Seymour told assistant speaker Barbara Kuriger. But wait, the opposition cried – what’s the real number of breakdowns? Seymour wasn’t keen to disclose that, because “with the greatest respect, the problem is that there may not always be an answer”. When Labour leader Chris Hipkins tried to dob Seymour in to Kuriger for not knowing exactly what he was correcting, the deputy prime minister called him a “simple man”. “Simple, simple, simple,” Seymour sighed. It wasn’t as strong as the words Greens co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick had for Seymour later, while he was taking questions on finance from Labour’s Barbara Edmonds: “You’re a nasty little man.” Following question time, the House held the second reading of the Regulatory Standards Bill (RSB), an act with very little sex appeal either at face value or in its content – if you ask the opposition. While government MPs keep their speeches for the reading short and sweet, the left bloc was a lot more descriptive: the RSB is “a wet fart of a dying government that’s running out of ideas”, according to third-lowest-ranking Green MP Francisco Hernandez. That had National MP Cameron Brewer scoffing in his seat for a good few minutes. By Wednesday, the news cycle moved onto unemployment rates, which rose to a nine-year high of 5.3% in the September quarter. There was also the ongoing shroud of internal drama over Te Pāti Māori, which made it hard for the government benches to take new MP Oriini Kaipara seriously when she made her first stand in question time. When Kaipara asked housing minister Chris Bishop about changes to the National Policy Statement on Urban Housing and its effect on Treaty settlements and co-governance in Tāmaki Makaurau, NZ First MP Shane Jones had a suggestion for her: “Ask John Tamihere.” In a better moment for Māori politics, parliament passed the Ngāti Pāoa Treaty Settlement Bill on Wednesday morning, which includes a $23.5m financial redress (that reading was sandwiched in between the first reading of Ngāti Rāhiri Tumutumu Claims Settlement Bill and the second reading of the Ngāti Hāua Claims Settlement Bill). So, before question time even kicked off, Kaipara had her time to shine with a moving speech. “The challenge for many of us tangata whenua and tangata Tiriti is that with every Treaty settlement read in this whare, we find ourselves standing between sorrow and hope, between what was taken and what is being restored,” Kaipara said. “We are not just consenting to legislation, but we are affirming the dignity of a people.” And in a rare turn for parliament, there was something special to round off the week. Following former MP Benjamin Doyle’s departure from parliament in October, the Greens have welcomed a new member into their fold: Mike Davidson, who brings the total number of Greens MPs named “M. Davidson” to a solid two. (There’s a third Davidson in the House too, Labour’s Reuben.) The former Christchurch City councillor and environmental scientist gave his maiden speech after question time on Thursday, and paid tribute to his “working class” background, his decision to become a member of the Greens in 2017 out of solidarity with Metiria Turei, and his late father’s journey registering their Ngāi Tahu roots. “Not for him, not for myself, but for his mother, who had struggled through state care and abuse,” Davidson said. “He saw this as a way to give her mana.” “I want to leave this House knowing I have been a good ancestor, knowing that I’ve made my mother and father proud and created a better future for my son,” he told the House. The waiata sung by his Ngāi Tahu supporters in the public gallery, ‘Ka Tahuri Au’, made the perfect exit music to a pretty mid week.
