Copyright dailyrecord
I get really frustrated with my husband’s sister who is 24 and doing nothing with her life. I feel my in-laws make excuses for her all the time, which isn’t helping her. Their narrative is she’s “painfully shy”, so struggles with confidence when it comes to job interviews and social situations. Whenever we’re all together, the focus is always on her: “Is she OK?”, “Go and talk to her” and so on. It drives me nuts because I think her mum and dad enable the attention-seeking instead of encouraging her to come out of her shell. She’s super-reliant on my husband, who’s six years older, but I think he’s all out of advice and, honestly, it’s draining . Recently, she was supposed to go to an event at her former university. The lead up to it was painful – overthinking it, worried about what she’d wear and who’d be there. Then, the day before, she decided not to go and her parents just accepted it and said, “OK, don’t worry. You don’t have to go”. I think they baby her and that their overprotectiveness is holding her back. I feel I can’t say anything to them, though, as they’d flip out and I’d be the bad guy. What do you think? OK, I think you need to find a little empathy here. Why do you think she’s behaving this way for attention? Look, some people are just incredibly shy and lack confidence, including me, believe it or not. I have a lot of empathy for people who are shy because I know how mortifying it can feel to be in a big group, especially if you don’t know many of them. I’m great one-to-one in social situations and in small groups, but big events really terrify me. In my job, I have to be very sociable, and I’ve learned to deal with it by faking confidence and thinking about conversation starters. I’m also a good listener, which is a great way to pick up on things to talk about and show interest in other people. I think the best approach is to encourage , help and support and, as a slightly older woman who’s a bit removed from the family dynamic, you’re in the perfect position to do that. Rather than getting annoyed with your sister-in-law or her parents, why not try to help? There are lots of good self-help apps and books, too, so maybe you could direct her to those? It’s also worth suggesting something like cognitive behavioural therapy, which can give her tools to cope in different situations. Hypnotherapy is an option too. At 24, most of us are still finding out who we are, where we fit in and what we want from life . So, my advice is: give her a break and become someone she can open up to.
