Copyright dailyrecord
Since April, my husband and I have had to spend a lot of time apart, as he got offered a job opportunity that was too good to pass up. However, it meant him relocating to the other end of the country, so he’s only here at weekends. At first it was OK, as we were so excited to see each other on a Friday night, but now he’s exhausted when he gets home, and I am too after a week at work. We usually do nothing except sit on the sofa watching telly. We’ve started to argue a bit too, and then he has to go back on Sunday afternoon. I’ve never been a jealous person, but I’ve found myself interrogating him over where he’s been and who he’s been with. It’s not like me, but I guess I’m just missing him and feel a bit insecure. We’ve been married for just two years and this isn’t how I saw our life. I blame him for taking the job, even though I encouraged him to take it and this is the main source of the arguments. I’m lonely without him, especially when I see my friends doing things with their partners. But it doesn’t make sense for us to relocate, as we recently bought our dream house with the intention of raising a family there. What can we do? This is a challenge, especially as it’s quite early days in your marriage. I’m not one of those who believes that “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Maybe that holds true for a while, but you can end up leading separate lives, which affects many aspects including intimacy and trust. You don’t say if you’ve put a time limit on this arrangement, but you need to think carefully if this is sustainable. Would it be better to sell or rent your dream house and relocate with him? What’s more important – a dream house or the future of your relationship? I understand you have to factor in your job and your life too, but it’s also OK to admit when things aren’t working and have a rethink. Sometimes things don’t work out how you expected, and you need to pivot and come up with a new plan. In the meantime, I’d plan properly for when you are together. That means getting off the sofa and doing something nice together, even if you are a bit tired. It’s important to keep the fun and romance in your relationship. And be honest with each other about how you’re coping. The worst thing that you can do is shut off, as resentment and paranoia can set in. Talk about compromises you’re each willing to make to support your marriage.
