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DEAR ANNIE: I have a dear friend of 49 years. She has been married for more than 50, while I only married seven years ago. She stood beside me as my matron of honor, and over the years, we have shared so many memories, laughs and life milestones together. Since my marriage, my husband and I have hosted this couple for dinner more times than I can count. We’ve cooked, entertained and tried to make our home a warm gathering place for all of us. In all that time, they have invited us over exactly once -- and that was to play cards, with no meal involved. Eventually I stopped inviting them to our home and began suggesting we meet at restaurants instead, just to keep things simple and balanced. Recently, my friend has been diagnosed with early dementia, but this lack of reciprocity began long before her memory issues appeared. Her husband, who is in good health, has always been perfectly capable of hosting but never seems to take the lead. I care about them both, but I can’t help feeling hurt and a bit taken for granted. Is there any polite way to suggest that they occasionally return the gesture, or should I simply let it go? -- Feeling Left Out DEAR LEFT OUT: It is natural to feel disappointed when friendship starts to feel one-sided. You have opened your home, cooked the meals and made the effort, and it is understandable to wish that generosity were returned in kind. But it sounds as though this pattern has been part of your friendship for many years, and at this point it may say more about their habits than their feelings for you. Some people simply are not natural hosts. They may love your company deeply, but the idea of entertaining feels like work rather than pleasure. Now that your friend is facing early dementia, her husband may be focused on routines that feel easiest and most predictable. Hosting guests may not even cross his mind. Instead of waiting for an invitation that may never come, keep choosing what brings you peace. If you enjoy their company, continue meeting at restaurants. If it feels too one-sided, it is fine to step back a bit. True friendship is not measured in dinners served but in care and consistency. You have already shown your heart. Let the rest go with grace. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
