Copyright The Oregonian
Dear Eric: My cat died in 2013. Everyone said I treated him like a child. He got so sick, so suddenly, it freaked me out so badly. Then my dad died out of nowhere in 2018. I wanted to die to be with him, because he was my best friend. Now I’m afraid I’ll lose anyone at any time. I have OCD and all my rituals are focused around keeping my mom, sister, husband and current cats safe and alive. I text my mom constantly, and if she doesn’t answer for a few hours, I panic. I’ve started crying and hyperventilating if she didn’t send her usual “I’m OK” morning text by the time she always does, ready to drive to her apartment, prepared to find her body. How do I ever stop this? Please don’t say to see a therapist. I had one for many years, then she left the practice. I don’t have the energy to start all over again with someone new. I’d seen at least 13 or 14 before her, and they mostly sucked. I’m not interested in trying again, plus, I have very, very little free time due to my work schedule and having so many doctor’s appointments for all the health problems I have. But my OCD about this is getting so much worse. So, any advice you have on how to stop obsessively worrying about everyone dying, is appreciated. – Want to Stop Worrying Stories by R. Eric Thomas Asking Eric: Wife complains about mean step kids. Husband says, ‘I love you but don’t ask me to choose’ Asking Eric: Reader shares tip on having caregivers, friends help spot elder abuse Asking Eric: I’m more than 30 years sober. Why does friend keep bringing up my past mistakes? Dear Worrying: I understand how exhausting starting over in therapy can be. But, from what you’ve written, it’s clear that some form of intervention is needed. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and its symptoms can be treated with psychotherapy, but also with medication and, sometimes, intensive outpatient programs. So, since you’re already working with medical providers, talk with them about your other options. You’re also navigating an intense amount of grief right now. While you may not get everything you need from a local or online grief support group, please seek one out. It’s imperative that you have options for processing the emotions you’re feeling. Your anticipatory grief is directly tied to the grief you have related to your cat and your father. We can’t cure grief – it’s a process all its own and everyone’s is unique. But you can change your relationship to it so that it has less power over your thoughts and your actions. It is possible to find relief.
