Copyright hellomagazine
Have you ever met someone and, within the first five minutes of talking to them, you feel a bit uncomfortable? They haven't done anything overtly offensive, but something just doesn't quite sit right. Maybe it was the way they made a criticism disguised as a joke, or how they monopolised the conversation without showing much interest in what you had to say. Whatever the case, intuition sometimes activates a red flag suggesting we might not be dealing with a genuine person - and sometimes, it's not wrong. Surprisingly, it doesn't take in-depth psychological analysis to quickly detect someone who is inauthentic or unkind; simply knowing how to accurately read the signs and context is enough. Psychologist Cristina Jurado explains that even in a brief interaction, you can really pick up more information about a person than you think. "Sometimes, in just five minutes of conversation, we can spot details that indicate that the other person is unkind," she notes. "You don't want to pigeonhole someone based on a single attitude, but it is possible to pick up on certain patterns." Certainly, no one is advising you to go through life judgeing people - but you can learn how to identify repeated behaviours that could be harmful. 5 signs to look out for There are several revealing clues that can warn us whether we need to be more cautious with someone. 'Harmless' jokes. According to the mental health expert, the tone and content of certain jokes can be a red flag. When someone "minimises others with degrading jokes or ridicule," even if seemingly done innocently, it's worth paying attention. This type of humour, presented as "harmless", "can mask a need to feel superior or a lack of empathy". Controlling the conversation. The attitude someone has during the conversation is no less revealing. Jurado points out that a possible red flag is when someone "doesn't listen, constantly interrupts or diverts the focus toward themselves." Sometimes this indicates that their desire to dominate is taking precedence over establishing a real connection. "A person who is more concerned with impressing people or controlling the conversation is not demonstrating authentic interest." Of course, this behaviour doesn't always indicate a hidden agenda, but combined with other indicators, it can be a key factor to consider. Talking behind someone's back. Another often-underestimated clue lies in how that person refers to those who are absent. "If someone speaks ill of others, especially when the other people are not present", it's highly probable they'll do the same to you when you're not around, says the psychologist. This attitude usually "reveals a way of relating based on distrust and manipulation or negativity". Your gut reaction. While some signs are expressed verbally, others simply trigger your feelings. Your body is quite perceptive, and you might have a gut reaction that something isn't right. Never underestimate your feeling that something's just "off". Overbearing views. Be wary if someone imposes their views on everyone, even strangers and acquaintances, or if it "seems they want to read your mind and tell you what you should do or think, even if they barely know you." Beyond being invasive, this type of attitude can indicate a controlling personality. Green flags: How to recognise a 'good' person When it comes to recognising someone's real intentions, it's not just red flags that you need to pay attention to. Just as certain attitudes can cause alarm, others - however subtle - convey authenticity and security. Some people bring light to other people's lives; often, you can recognise a kind or genuine person by how they make you feel, even if they don't say much. "These people make you feel at peace, you can sense that they have no intention of trying to prove anything to you. They might be quiet, but there's still a sense of respect, safety and calm in their presence," says the psychologist. There are also other factors that ultimately indicate that the person in front of you is likely trustworthy: Active and authentic listening. As Jurado puts it, it's when someone "listens attentively and without quick judgements, shows interest with open questions, doesn't interrupt and doesn't seem to want to impose their point of view." Essentially, the way they communicate leaves space for the other person and conveys respect for differences. Coherence between their words and actions. "They express themselves with emotional coherence; what they say and how they act are aligned," explains the psychologist. This alignment generates trust because it reduces the possibility of underlying ulterior motives. How they speak about others - even when those people are not present. "They have respect when talking about other people, even if those people are not there." This is a sign of ethics and empathy, especially these days when snarky or quick judgement has become the norm. A sense of humour. It might seem a minor or unimportant detail, but it can reveal quite a bit. Jurado emphasises that a kind person "has a sense of humour without belittling others; they laugh with you and not at you. This can be an indication that they see life through a lens of empathy." This type of person doesn't avoid making jokes - they understand how to make a joke without hurting others. Don't be judgemental - but do read the signs Various studies over the years have found that first impressions may not be precise, but they do contain a significant amount of non-verbal and emotional information. That said, Jurado clarifies that these clues should be taken with some caution. Perceiving an uncomfortable sign doesn't always mean we're dealing with an untrustworthy person. Some people are going through difficult times or are acting in a mode of self-protection. Others may be neurodivergent, or simply shy or awkward in their initial interactions. Therefore, it's not about rushing to judgement or labelling, but about observing interactions carefully. Knowing how to read certain attitudes can help us protect ourselves, but it also reminds us that all of us - at some point - have made someone else feel uncomfortable. The guidelines aren't so you can judge from a distance, they're so you can build connections with greater awareness, paying close attention to not only what is said… but also how it makes you feel. About the expert: Cristina Jurado is a psychologist and director of Spain's El Gabinete mental health clinic.
