Copyright Parade
Key Points Success in children means a lot of things outside of just achievements. Parents raise successful kids by modeling positive, healthy habits for their children. Some of these habits, like naming feelings and asking thoughtful questions, can foster future success. Even though we all come from different backgrounds, there’s one thing almost all parents want for their children: success. Whether that’s in school, in relation to their friend group, future careers or in their personal lives, parents and grandparents want their kids and grandkids to be successful. And, as with many things involved with parenting, it can feel overwhelming to think about how to “get it right,” including how to raise successful kids. So how do others do it? Successful children are often raised by parents and grandparents who all incorporate similar habits into their parenting styles that can increase the likelihood of future success. That’s why Parade spoke with psychologists to learn 10 things parents and grandparents who have raised successful kids do differently. Of course, nothing is set and stone, and even if a child isn’t raised by guardians with these characteristics and habits, it doesn’t mean they won’t be successful. So don’t fret if you don’t do all of these things to a T. But knowing the “blueprint,” so to speak, to raising a child with a prosperous future can only help you in how you parent going forward. Plus, the psychologists explain what success looks like in children and what a “successful” child even means. Related: Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Never Turn a Blind Eye to These 10 Habits What Does ‘Success’ Look Like With Children? So, before we get into how to raise successful kids, what does that even mean? “Success” can mean so many different things for different people. And while the first thing that might come to mind is winning awards or getting straight A’s, that’s not necessarily it. “True success in children isn’t defined by grades, trophies or college admissions; it’s about mindsets,” says Dr. Byron McClure, a school psychologist and Director of Innovation at 7 Mindsets. “A successful child is resilient, confident, empathetic and capable of navigating life’s challenges with purpose and optimism. They’re not just prepared for achievement, but they’re prepared for life.” With that said, that means that raising a successful child doesn’t entail military-school-esque rules or only studying and no play. As you’ll see, the things that parents and grandparents who raise kids with bright futures don’t hinge on being strict; it’s all about what you’re teaching your children. Related: 11 Things the Most Emotionally Supportive Grandparents Do Differently, According to a Psychologist 10 Habits of Parents and Grandparents Who Raise ‘Successful’ Kids, According to Psychologists 1. They model a growth mindset Instead of holding onto the belief that they are unable to change and grow over the course of their lives, those with a growth mindset know that change is possible. And they are open to evolving to better themselves. “Successful parents and grandparents don’t just talk about effort and perseverance; they live it,” says Dr. McClure. “They celebrate mistakes as learning moments and show kids how to embrace challenges. This habit helps children build confidence not from perfection, but from progress.” 2. They teach accountability, not perfection Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn’t matter if you’re a parent, grandparent or child, mistakes are inevitable. However, it’s what you do with that mistake that shapes how you grow. “Successful parents and grandparents guide kids to own their choices without shame,” Dr. McClure tells Parade. “They focus on solutions, not blame, and help children see that personal responsibility is empowering, not punitive.” 3. They stay curious about their kids Many parents and grandparents have an idealized version of their child that they like to cling on to and push onto them, whether that’s consciously or subconsciously. “Instead of pushing kids into a mold, successful parents and grandparents ask, ‘Who are you becoming?'” says Dr. Benjamin Bernstein, clinical psychologist at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, CT. “That curiosity helps kids feel seen and gives them permission to grow into their unique selves.” 4. They listen more than lecturing There’s always a time and place for a lecture—like when teaching your children about personal safety. However, in a lot of cases, kids simply want to be heard and listened to, not talked at. “Instead of jumping in with advice, parents and grandparents who raise successful kids pause and try to really hear what the child is feeling,” Dr. Bernstein explains. “That simple act of listening shows kids they matter and helps them learn to reflect on themselves.” Related: People Who Didn’t Receive Positive Reinforcement as Children Often Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say 5. They name feelings out loud As kids grow up and start to experience a larger range of emotions, sometimes they don’t have the vocabulary to express how they are feeling. So helping them through that is a major step toward success. “When a parent says, ‘You seem frustrated’ or ‘That looks exciting,’ it gives kids language for their inner world,” says Dr. Bernstein. “Over time, kids get better at recognizing and managing emotions instead of acting them out.” 6. They regulate their own nervous systems Parents who experienced trauma in their own childhood or even into adulthood sometimes can have dysregulated nervous systems. With that in mind, children of grandparents and parents who know how to regulate their emotions and nervous systems tend to be more successful. “Children learn emotional regulation from us and the most successful kids are often raised by adults who model how to take a breath, narrate their feelings and repair after a rupture,” says Dr. McClure. “Nervous system co-regulation is one of the most powerful parenting tools we have—and it doesn’t require perfection just presence.” 7. They model a healthy lifestyle Success for kids involves mental, emotional and physical health and parents who role model these lifestyle behaviors early on can help pass them down to their children to be successful later in life. “These can include practices such as healthy eating, good sleep hygiene, engaging in physical fitness, taking care of your mental health, limiting screen time and participating in relaxing and enjoyable hobbies,” says Amy Dykstra, MEd, registered child psychologist in Calgary and owner of Bluebird Psychology. “When we prioritize a healthy lifestyle, we help foster many of the underlying things that influence success, including increased energy, stress management, greater focus and enhanced productivity and creativity.” 8. They let kids struggle Instead of holding their child’s hand in every single scenario, these parents tend to stay at a safe distance when their kids are struggling. “Whether it’s tying a shoe or handling a tough class, ‘successful’ parents resist rescuing too quickly,” says Dr. Bernstein. “They stay close enough to offer comfort, but far enough to let the child build resilience.” 9. They read to their children According to Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D—a licensed school and clinical child psychologist and author of Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be—parents of successful kids read to their children—not just audiobooks or YouTube storytime. “When a parent or grandparent reads to a child, something powerful happens: there’s eye contact, emotional modulation and co-regulation,” she shares. “The child learns language, yes—but also empathy, rhythm, connection. It’s not just the story; it’s the storyteller’s voice, the lap, the pauses, the shared wonder.” 10. They ask questions Parents and grandparents of successful kids often ask curious, process-oriented questions instead of giving quick praise or criticism, Dr. Koslowitz tells Parade. “Instead of ‘Good job!’ or ‘That’s not how you do it,’ they ask: ‘How did you come up with that idea?’ or ‘What was the hardest part?'” she says. While these questions might not seem like much, or the change might not seem significant, they are. “These kinds of questions build metacognition—the ability to think about your own thinking—which is one of the strongest predictors of long-term success,” she explains. “It teaches kids that effort, experimentation and reflection matter more than getting things right the first time.” Up Next: Sources:
