Copyright timesnownews
It’s another week, and TikTok has popped out yet another bizarre dating trend from its arsenal — the new trend is called ‘Shrekking’. The trend is named after the green ogre, the lovable Shrek. However, unlike Shrek, the animated hero who wins people over with his humour and kindness, this trend is far less flattering. Shrekking is a term used for the act of intentionally dating someone who is, in your opinion, less attractive or below your standards. The assumption is that they are going to treat you better since you are ‘out of their league’. The reasoning? If you date down, the one who has the upper hand is you — and therefore, the likelihood of being hurt is minimal. However, as a lot of people on the internet have noticed, this tactic does not always have the desired result. In case the so-called ‘less attractive’ partner ends up dumping you — Boom! You have just been ‘Shrekked’. At first glance, the idea seems quite shallow — and that’s because it is. The whole thing revolves around a hierarchy that rates people by their looks, earnings, or popularity, thus very subtly promoting the toxic notion that some people are naturally ‘better’ than others. Instead of being a connection between equals, it makes dating a power game. It does not stop there. What it actually does is to take the very essence of a relationship away and thus reduce human attraction to the transactional value system. On the other hand, people who shrek others can argue that they are protecting their hearts, but what they are actually doing is dating from a place of fear and control — two things which very rarely result in love. It’s not difficult to understand where such a view comes from. Modern dating can be exhausting. Between ghosting, situationships, and a culture that is completely absorbed by looks, it is easy to become cynical. A lot of people, especially women who are constantly being told to lower their standards or ‘be realistic’, might feel the urge to play it safe — thus picking someone who is ‘less likely to hurt them’. However, if you date for self-protection and not out of genuine interest, then you are already setting up barriers in a connection. Dating from fear is not a sure way to prevent heartbreak; on the contrary, it almost guarantees it. The issue with the Shrekking trend is not about dating outside your type but rather the mindset behind it. There is nothing wrong with giving a person a chance, even if they don’t check all your boxes. On the contrary, real attraction is often strengthened with emotional intimacy and common values. But on the other hand, thinking of your partner as a step-down means that you have formed a relationship that is based on looking down at the other, rather than love. Such a dynamic creates resentment between partners and often ends exactly with what you were trying to avoid — rejection. The ultimate takeaway of Shrekking is simple. The attempt to control one's emotional safety through ‘dating down’ is not successful because real love cannot be obtained through a strategy but rather requires vulnerability. If by any chance you have been 'Shrekked' — that is to say, hurt by someone whom you thought would never have the power to hurt you, then maybe it is time to look at the factors that influence and guide your choices in relationships. Love, kindness, and respect are not qualities of certain people. Rather, they come in all shapes and forms. The sooner we stop treating dating like a game where we rank people, the closer we come to something genuine — something which does not need to be ‘won’ at all.
