By Ryan Hockensmith

Copyright espn

DANIEL CORMIER IS DISGUSTED. He’s sitting at a table in a high-back chair, and he begins to aggressively slide his chair around so he can really get up close and personal about the disdain he’s feeling right now.

“That’s my boy,” Cormier says as his chair grates against the cement. “Don’t you talk s— about Steven Seagal. Don’t you do it.”

Cormier is breathing fire outside the Kaseya Center in Miami, where he will do commentary for UFC 314 back in April. But at this moment, he is one of 18 MMA experts that we tasked with a seemingly simple question: Which Hollywood star who has portrayed a fighter would win a UFC-style MMA tournament? (Spoiler alert: Seagal did not fare well.)

ESPN created two brackets of fighters — 18 men, 10 women — and presented matchups to our experts to generate rankings and scouting reports for everybody from Linda Hamilton and Scarlett Johansson to The Rock and Jackie Chan. Our panelists were given several weeks to review footage and rank the actors, not their characters, at their absolute athletic peak. For example: They were asked to assess Ralph Macchio circa 1986’s “Karate Kid II” rather than 2025’s “Karate Kid: Legends.”

Cormier hates what he is hearing other experts say about Seagal. He takes out his phone and pulls up two videos from 2015, right before Cormier fought Jon Jones for the first time. It’s incredible how much Seagal (6-foot-4, around 300 pounds) towers over Cormier, who was 5-11, 210 back then.

In the first video, Seagal tells Cormier in a hushed tone that he has a move to show him. This move, he says, is so dangerous, so secretive, that only Cormier can see it.

“Thin out the gym, Daniel,” he says.

So he does. Off camera, he shows Cormier the move. It’s a right-hand aikido strike to the throat that no one has ever hit in an actual UFC fight, and that includes Cormier. He says he tried it three times against Jones and was easily swatted away each time.

Now, Cormier pulls up the second video and starts laughing. Seagal’s hair is an impossible shade of black, and he is wearing one of his bizarre late-stage Seagal muumuus. Seagal has a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he sits at the side of a cage. He looks like a toddler getting ready for story time, and Cormier begins to break character. He genuinely loves Seagal, but the whole scene is hilarious.

“Dude, look at him,” Cormier says, unable to hide his laughter. “He’s massive. Humongous. If I had hit that one move, I would have won the belt.”

Even with Cormier’s positivity factored in, Seagal lands in a surprising place: 18 of 18, behind Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze and Jake Gyllenhaal.

For the rest of the results, sit back, put your feet up and grab your coziest blankie.

The expert panel

Ben Askren, Julia Avila, Mike Brown, Bob Cook, Daniel Cormier, Randy Couture, Mac Danzig, Alexis Davis, Merab Dvalishvili, Clay Guida, Kayla Harrison, Holly Holm, Marcus Kowal, John McCarthy, Sean O’Malley, Juliana Pena, Chael Sonnen, Din Thomas

The men fighters

18. Steven Seagal

Let’s start with the two nicest things that our experts had to say about Seagal. First, in his prime, he stood 6-4 and weighed 200 pounds. Secondly, he’s a legit black belt in aikido, a modern Japanese martial art focusing on energy redirection and self-defense. After those positives, though, things turned ugly for Seagal. Cormier was Seagal’s staunchest defender, putting him in the middle of the pack. But almost every other voter had Seagal in their bottom five.

“Jason Statham would fold up Seagal and clean the floor with him.” — Marcus Kowal, former Strikeforce fighter with black belts in kickboxing and Krav Maga

“Steven Seagal is bulls—. A little kid could beat him up.” — Merab Dvalishvili, current UFC bantamweight champion

“I think Seagal is trash. There are elements of aikido that are helpful, like feeling people’s balance and understanding leverage. But in terms of fighting, his skill set isn’t practical enough to be worth much.” — Din Thomas, former UFC featherweight (26-9 career record)

17. Jake Gyllenhaal

Gyllenhaal played a boxer in the 2015 movie “Southpaw,” then was Dalton in last year’s “Roadhouse” remake. He even shot a scene in the Octagon during UFC 285. At the time, he was 6-foot, 184 pounds with 5% body fat and did a decent job as a former UFC fighter. But our panel said he has no business in a real MMA fight.

“I love Jake Gyllenhaal. But come on, he was ‘Bubble Boy.’ How does he win in the Octagon?” — Julia Avila, former UFC fighter (9-4 record) and Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt

“Gyllenhaal isn’t big enough to hang with most of these guys. He would get squashed.” — Holly Holm, former boxing and UFC world champion

“He is in great shape. But I think he just picks movies that make him look like he can fight.” — Daniel Cormier, former UFC heavyweight and light heavyweight champion

16. Ralph Macchio

Several experts gave Macchio a thumbs-up for his karate in the original Karate Kid trilogy (1984-89), and even a few thought the crane kick was a solid technique. But the majority laughed about the technique and said there is a reason why nobody tries it — or much of anything else Macchio has done in the Karate Kid universe — in the Octagon.

“I don’t think Ralph Macchio really knows karate. And if he does, it’s an American, watered-down version that little kids do. That’s completely different than real karate.” — Mike Brown, former UFC featherweight, BJJ black belt, and now a renowned MMA coach

“Oh my god, Ralph Macchio would do about as well in an MMA fight as Danny DeVito. The whole ‘Karate Kid’ premise is great to watch. But the crane doesn’t work. There’s no defense for the crane? No, there’s no offense from it.” — John McCarthy, legendary MMA referee and Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt

“I’m not a huge fan of karate, so even if Ralph Macchio’s karate was really good, I’m not sure how much of it would work. I think it’d be pretty unrealistic to think he could beat very many of these guys. His karate didn’t seem like it had much power.” — Alexis Davis, former UFC vet and black belt in two different forms of jiu-jitsu

15. Liam Neeson

Neeson certainly has a particular set of skills, but our voters didn’t think those skills would translate into MMA success. He also had a movie fighting peak much later than most of our Hollywood candidates (“Taken” came out in 2008, when the 6-foot-4 star was 55). More than one voter also pointed out that Neeson has been quoted as saying he hates the UFC and likened MMA to bar fights. He didn’t crack the top five on anybody’s ballot, but he also didn’t finish in the bottom three with any experts.

“I doubt Liam Neeson beats anybody on this list. Maybe Tom Cruise, because he’d have a size advantage. But I don’t think his actual technical skills are very good.” — Sam Alvey, eight-year UFC vet with a BJJ black belt

“Liam Neeson is a tough, big guy with a great voice. But come on.” — Daniel Cormier

“He plays a tough guy in movies, but I don’t actually think he could take a punch. I don’t think he has the fight mentality in him.” — Din Thomas

14. Tom Cruise

Cruise’s size (5-7, 170) cost him with our voters, and several said his movie fight skills seem to mostly be Hollywood magic, using jump cuts and wiggly cameras. But a vocal minority were believers, giving him credit for being a high school wrestler. More than a few cited his infamous intensity as a big positive if he had a real three-month MMA training camp.

“There’s something about Cruise. He does all of his stunts, and that takes a certain amount of grit that you cannot teach. He kind of faces death for fun. So I think he would beat some good people on this list, including Jet Li and Sylvester Stallone. Cruise is the kind of guy who would start studying jiu-jitsu and be so relentless that he gets his black belt in three months.” — Julia Avila

“You know Tom Cruise is a vicious little guy. I don’t know what he could pull off physically, but he’d be a scary opponent. If it’s UFC 1 rules, that means you can headbutt, pull hair, and punch the groin, and I could see Cruise being a mean little chihuahua with all of that no-holds-barred stuff. I think he’d have a really good chance against Steven Seagal.” — Mac Danzig, a six-year UFC vet and BJJ black belt

“Tom Cruise is weird and small. He’s not beating anybody.” — Julianna Peña, current UFC bantamweight champion

As a young man, Li was a champion practitioner of Wushu, a Chinese mashup of martial arts highlighted by elements of tai chi and kung fu, a skill that our experts mostly said was overrated. He received widespread admiration from our voters for his martial arts in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and a slew of films from his breakout run in the mid-1990s. But our panel dinged him for his size (5-6 and about 150 pounds) as well as questions about whether his high-flying style would be flimsy in real-life fighting.

“I love the beauty and athleticism of Jet Li’s kung fu. But I don’t think much of any of it would be efficient in an actual fight. He’s a perfect example of someone whose martial arts are fantastic on screen but not great for real fighting.” — Marcus Kowal

“I think Jet Li would be too fast for most of these people. He’d be able to keep people at kicking range and avoid anybody getting ahold of him.” — Holly Holm

“Jet’s a great, gregarious guy with very good martial arts skills. With three months to train, maybe he does well. But I think he’d be the first to tell you that he’s not a fighter.” — Randy Couture, six-time UFC champion who starred with Li, Norris, Schwarzenegger, Snipes, Stallone, Statham and Van Damme in “The Expendables” series

12. Keanu Reeves

More than any other actor/fighter, Reeves presented a tricky case of when his peak actually was. Some experts went with him as Neo in “The Matrix,” when he was heavily showing off kung fu. But that was 15 years before the more varied martial arts he showed in “John Wick.”

Either way, Reeves was applauded for his background of heavy jiu-jitsu, judo and karate training he began in the late 1990s and kept doing up through the Wick movies.

“Keanu Reeves would beat up pretty much anybody in Hollywood. I also think he would break people with his tenaciousness — and I wouldn’t mess with his dog.” — Julia Avila

“Keanu has a lot of heart. But the thing to remember is if it’s ‘The Matrix’ era, then he didn’t have the same skills he’s learned down the road in this ‘John Wick’ era. So, I think Keanu in the Neo era is closer to the ‘Bill and Ted’s’ character than ‘John Wick.'” — Mac Danzig

“Fights always end up on the ground, and I think Keanu has a good ground game. I think he could choke out most of these guys, and I don’t think he would be afraid to get down and dirty.” — Alexis Davis

11. Jean-Claude Van Damme

On the positive side, several voters said Van Damme’s stock as a martial artist has become so picked on that he may actually be underrated now. Van Damme indeed had a legitimate kickboxing background, with sound technique on display in his late 1980s heyday in “Bloodsport” and “Kickboxer,” among other movies. On the negative side, the majority of evaluators had a grand old time unmercifully goofing on Van Damme for his splits, improbable high kicks and meme-able dancing.

“Jean-Claude has pretty kicks. They look good on camera, and I think he could land some of those against these people. He’s got decent size and speed, so I think he would be tough.” — Holly Holm

“When we were filming ‘Expendables 3,’ Jean Claude was talking about getting a real fight with a Muay Thai champion, and I thought that was a horrible idea. For his first real fight? That would have been a bad, bad idea. He was asking me if I would train him, and I tried to tactfully tell him it was a horrible idea and that real fighting is a whole different animal.” — Randy Couture

“Van Damme is better than people realize. He gets teased a lot. But you don’t get that build without working hard, and I think his kickboxing was good. I would take him over a lot of these guys.” — Chael Sonnen, longtime main event fighter in three weight classes and four different fighting organizations

10. Patrick Swayze

Several experts thought Swayze ranked near the bottom of this 18-person list. But the majority had warm feelings about how he would fare in the cage, citing two movies as evidence: “Roadhouse,” of course, but also “Dirty Dancing.” Swayze’s athleticism and footwork as a dancer, they said, would go a long way toward helping him learn how to get in and out of exchanges.

“Patrick Swayze is in my top three, and the reason is that he can dance. That means he has good body control and can move, which typically makes for a good fighter. I think he beats almost everybody.” — Din Thomas

“I used to roll my eyes about Patrick Swayze. But the older I get, the more I realize how athletic he was. When I watch ‘Roadhouse’ and ‘Point Break,’ I ended up feeling like the guy must be a total badass.” — Mac Danzig

“Ain’t nobody beating Dalton (his ‘Roadhouse’ character). Not much of what he did in that movie would translate to a UFC fight. But he is an athlete and has a great physique. You’d have to really dig into training to get him well-rounded, though I do think he’d be OK in a brawl.” — Clay Guida

9. Sylvester Stallone

Stallone got all sorts of love from our voters, but he was remarkably middling on every ballot. Nobody had him in their top five or bottom five. He received high marks for his solid boxing, pure power and perceived toughness. But many voters expressed concern about what kind of defense he would have against wrestling or jiu-jitsu, and several just couldn’t see Stallone being able to overcome his size disadvantages (5-9, 200 pounds during his peak “Rocky” days).

“Rocky was choreographed fighting. But he took some punches shooting that, so he’s tough physically. And he has the fitness and mental toughness to be a good fighter, too. Everything points to him being not bad as a fighter. Stallone would beat Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal, for example.” — John McCarthy

“Stallone is a mini Arnold Schwarzenegger. Very strong. Lots of power. I could see him struggling to win a lot of these fights, but always being one big punch away from a knockout. He might not win decisions on the judges’ scorecards, but always be dangerous for an upset KO.” — Alexis Davis

“Stallone is a pretty short guy, so he’d have a hard time against some of these big, strong guys. There’s a limit to how much he could do against a massive athlete like Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock or Dave Bautista.” — Bob Cook, a former UFC fighter who is now one of the most sought-after coaches in MMA

8. Wesley Snipes

Snipes finished in the middle pack with almost every expert scout, with “Blade”-era Snipes (1998) as the peak version of the actor. He received credit for having been a lifelong martial arts practitioner (black belts in Shotokan karate and Hapkido) and being an incredible athlete. But he got flagged for both his height (5-9) and allegedly ducking out of a possible UFC fight 20 years ago against Joe Rogan. “I think he knew I was going to kill him,” Rogan said on a recent podcast.

“I think Snipes has very good striking skills and he was very athletic in his prime. But I don’t think he has the size to deal with some of these guys. A guy like Dave Bautista definitely beats Snipes.” — Din Thomas

“Wesley Snipes was in incredible shape and had good martial arts experience. So I think he’d be pretty high on this list. He could fight.” — Holly Holm

“I think Wesley Snipes is a coward for not fighting Joe Rogan. You can tell the frauds because when some of these guys got a chance to maybe test their skills, they didn’t even try.” — Ben Askren, a two-time NCAA champion who went 19-2 in Bellator, one championship, and the UFC

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger

The consensus for when Arnold was in his prime? Some time around “The Terminator/Predator” stage (1984-87) of his life, when the seven-time Mr. Olympia was 6-2, 260 pounds. Our panel thought he’d be the most physically strong person on this list (and maybe the planet), but wondered about how skilled he is with his hands and feet. But most experts said there’s only so much you can do against a giant, muscular athlete with a significant size edge.

“If Arnold got a hold of anybody, he’d crush them. He was so powerful that I don’t think some of the kickers on this list could keep him at distance. He could just power through that distance.” — Alexis Davis

“No way Arnold could fight. With all that muscle, he’d gas out so quickly that he wouldn’t make it a minute in a fight.” — Ben Askren

“Arnold is so big and strong that he’d be tough for a lot of these guys to handle. Plus, his accent is great. I’ll pick him just because of that.” — Sean O’Malley, former UFC bantamweight champ and current No. 13 MMA pound-for-pound fighter