Kara Alaimo is a professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her book “Over the Influence: Why Social Media Is Toxic for Women and Girls — And How We Can Take It Back” was published in 2024 by Alcove Press
If your adolescent son is online, he’s almost certainly seeing content that promotes masculinity and suggests troubling things about girls, according to research published on Wednesday.
Most boys — 73% — see content about “digital masculinity” regularly, which includes posts about fighting, building muscles and making money, according to a new Common Sense Media survey.
Boys with higher exposure to this kind of content have lower self-esteem and are lonelier, according to the July survey of 1,000-plus boys ages 11 to 17 living in the United States. These boys are also more likely to hide their feelings and believe they shouldn’t express emotions, such as by crying or showing fear.
Interestingly, boys largely don’t go online seeking this content, said Michael Robb, lead author of the study and head of research at Common Sense Media, a San Francisco-based nonprofit organization that helps parents and teachers instill critical thinking skills in children.
“A small handful said that they were actually looking for this,” Robb said. “Sixty-eight percent said that the content just started showing up in their feeds without them searching for it.”
That’s probably because algorithms have learned that adolescent boys are often receptive to such posts, he said.
Nearly all boys — 91% — see messages about body image or appearance, like dressing in a certain way and having clear skin, according to the study. Those with high exposure to such messages are more than four times as likely to say social media makes them think they should change their appearance.
And most boys — 69% — also regularly see content promoting gender roles in problematic ways, such as posts suggesting girls prefer to date a particular kind of guy or use their looks to achieve their goals, according to the survey.
The results are especially worrisome to me because my research suggests that when negative messages about women and girls are normalized online, it can cause offline violence.
Boys’ social media use has been “fairly understudied” in the past, Robb said. “Here, we’re documenting how the algorithms that kids are a part of are specifically shaping their identity during this really crucial period of adolescence, which is a time of identity formation.”
Robb acknowledged the study couldn’t prove the teens’ social media use caused particular effects, however. He also said the findings could have underestimated the extent to which boys have adopted masculine beliefs, because those who hold these views may not have been willing to admit in the survey that they were experiencing emotional struggles or feeling vulnerable.
Thankfully, parents can help their adolescent boys process what they’re exposed to on social media in healthy ways and counteract the negative effects.
Talk about ‘digital masculinity’
First, assume your kids will be exposed to this kind of content, said Melissa Greenberg, a clinical psychologist at Princeton Psychotherapy Center who was not involved in the study. “Even if we monitor and limit what our kids see at home, they will be exposed to content we are not aware of in other settings, and through friends and peers,” she said via email.
So, talk to your teens about it. You can start by asking them what they’re seeing online. “One secret tip is that kids are actually quite excited to talk about their media use,” Robb said.
If these conversations feel uncomfortable, try having them in the car, said Justine Carino, a Westchester, New York-based psychotherapist who treats young people and was not involved in the study. “Sitting side by side is less threatening than direct eye contact and being in a contained space helps teens feel safe opening up,” she told CNN in an email.
Teach teens to question what they see
Explain why we should question what we see on social media, Greenberg said.
“When we see things online, especially when we see the same messages again and again, or we see posts that get lots of likes, we may implicitly believe them,” she said. “We may not even realize that this is happening.”
If a child seems to have accepted some of the troubling messages they’ve seen, don’t just say they’re wrong. “We may have knee jerk reactions to these problematic messages and may be tempted to shut them down immediately,” Greenberg said. However, “this may backfire, as it may teach your child that you ‘don’t understand’ or that they can’t talk to you about their questions about these ideas.”
Instead, try acknowledging that social media content can be very convincing, especially when people we like share it. Give them an example of how this happened to you, and question things together by saying something like “ever since I was a kid, I’ve seen TV shows and movies where boys are shamed and made fun of when they cry or show emotion,” Greenberg said. “But why should that be the case? Is it really true that emotions make us weak? Can we see this from any other perspectives?”
With so much misinformation on social networks, these kinds of conversations can impart important life skills that adolescents need so they can figure out whether to believe other things they hear or see, such as purported news reports.
Parents should also “stress how safe it is” for kids to come to them to talk about these things (or anything else) anytime, Carino said. And mean it when you say it.
Cultivate strong role models and communities
One reason boys consume this kind of social media content is that “they’re actively seeking connection or inspiration or guidance, because these are things that are developmentally important to them at this stage,” Robb said. “They’re kind of fundamental developmental needs.”
Parents can help kids meet these needs in healthy ways offline.
The study found that kids who had at least one person they could go to offline for support had better mental health outcomes, Robb said. He suggested cultivating positive role models for boys — such as parents, family members, teachers, coaches or scout leaders.
“Boys need to hear and see that men in their lives can express a wide range of emotions, and then there’s a lot of different ways to be a man, and not to be so rigid about how boys and men are supposed to act or emote,” he said.
Also make sure boys are part of physical communities by participating in things like theater or sports, Robb said. Be creative. For example, if a boy enjoys gaming, “that doesn’t have to be a solitary activity,” he said. “There are local gaming clubs, esports teams or coding classes (and) robotics teams, all kinds of things that can combine interests with face-to-face interaction.”
Yes, this latest research suggests that most boys are seeing content about masculinity, negative ideas about gender and body image — and that those who consume more of this content appear to have worse mental health outcomes. However, parents can use this opportunity to talk to kids, teach them to question what they see online and ensure they have strong role models and healthy offline activities.
Social networks may be pushing potentially harmful content on teens, but we can push back with better offline experiences.