Copyright TIME
Sexual dreams can involve sexual propositions, kissing, intercourse, masturbation, or other sexual activities. But they may not mean what you think they do. “They may not be about sex at all, so it’s important to avoid thinking there’s a one-to-one correspondence" between what happened in the dream and what it means, says Antonio Zadra, a professor of psychology and senior researcher at the Center for Advanced Research in Sleep Medicine at the University of Montreal. “Sexually related dreams could be metaphors for intimacy or how we are perceived by others, or they could be about strained relationships or barriers in relationships.” In general, “dreams are often related to our current concerns—what we think about,” Zadra says, and that’s also true for sexual dreams. This notion supports the continuity hypothesis of dreaming, which proposes that dream content often reflects aspects of a person’s waking life. The keys to interpreting erotic nighttime dramas are to ask yourself about them, starting with what feelings you had when you woke up. The emotions evoked by the dream can be very telling. “If it felt like a comforting dream, it could be a way of diminishing insecurities you may have in that relationship in your waking life,” Raymond says. Zadra, who is co-author of When Brains Dream: Exploring the Science & Mystery of Sleep, also recommends considering how you felt in the dream. Who is the person it centered on, and how do you feel about them? What does that person represent to you, or what qualities or characteristics do you associate with them? What was happening in the dream, and how did you feel about it? It's also worth considering why you would be having this dream right now. How might it be trying to show you or tell you something about yourself? “There’s so much we don’t know about ourselves,” Toub says. “Dreams are speaking an ancient language of metaphor and symbol—they’re trying to communicate something.” Read More: How to Share a Bed While Getting the Best Night’s Sleep The truth is, it’s often hard to make sense of dreams completely on your own, which is why Raymond recommends drawing images from the dream and/or talking to someone else about them. “Talking to someone about the dream can help you process things and connect the dots,” she says. Ultimately, if you can decipher your erotic dreams, you can use them to better understand yourself or improve your circumstances in some way. “Dreams are amazing messages to help people live more authentic lives,” Toub says. “Every dream is a unique message to the dreamer—it’s the context of you.” Which means it’s up to you to make sense of it.
