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In an era where misinformation spreads faster than the truth, and political extremism often feels more like a full belief system than a policy stance, many of us have found ourselves in painfully surreal situations. Maybe it’s a relative who sends you a link to a fringe conspiracy site, or an old friend who insists the government is run by subterranean lizard people — and they mean it. Often, these interactions aren’t just absurd or frustrating, they’re heartbreaking. How do you keep a relationship alive when someone you care about seems captured by a worldview that’s not only disconnected from reality, but openly hostile to yours? Advertisement This guide was born from that question. We spoke with experts in cult recovery and high-control groups, including those familiar with the tactics, language and emotional binds of movements like MAGA to bring you practical tools for navigating these encounters. These aren’t scripts to win an argument or “deprogram” someone in one conversation. Instead, they are strategies to help you make it through these (often exhausting) interactions and respond as best you can to those you love. Ask a good question. First and foremost, you have to remember who it is that you’re speaking to, explained Steven Hassan, Ph.D., founder and director of Freedom of Mind Resource Center, and author of “The Cult of Trump.” Advertisement “If you’re speaking with someone who is a relative or a childhood friend, you can go back in your mind to remember who they were before, and keep telling yourself they’re still there,” said Hassan. “They’ve been hacked. They’re going to come out. So how can I help them just realize for themselves that they’re not happy there?” From there, he said to remember those good memories and focus on cultivating a warm and curious rapport that is centered around simple, effective and concise questions that you already know the answers to. The questions can be along the lines of “Tell me more about why you believe this to be true?” or “Where did you get this information from?” Advertisement “And then be patient and quiet while the person thinks and responds,” said Hassan. “And I often recommend to my clients to mirror back by saying, ‘So did I understand you correctly?’ ‘You believe this and this and this?’, and the person gets to say ‘yes’ and know that you were really listening to them, and then you ask a follow-up question and a follow-up question.” From there, the person you’re speaking with will understand that you’re truly listening and trying to understand, which can help to build a respectful relationship that can allow for further dialogue. Come prepared with your own gentle rebuttal. “Remember that a lot of people are genuinely ensnared by manipulative systems of belief,” Daniella Mestyanek Young, cult survivor and author of “Uncultured,” said. “They didn’t choose misinformation so much as fall into it, often due to loneliness, fear or a need for significance.” Advertisement She suggested some ways you can respond: “I’ve looked into this, and it’s actually been widely debunked. Would you be open to reading a source I trust?” “I know this feels true, but it’s coming from a site known for disinformation. Can I share why I’m concerned?” “It’s really hard to talk about this stuff with all the false information out there. Maybe we can focus on something else?” “You’re not likely to change their mind in a single message,” said Young. “But you can plant a seed of doubt — especially if you do it with kindness, not condescension.” Know your own triggers and theirs. The last thing you want to do is get entangled in an argument where everyone leaves the conversation more angry and isolated than they were before. Advertisement “One of the critical things is self-awareness,” Hassan said. “It’s important to understand triggers and how to neutralize triggers. This is going to take time, but identify the key points in them that’s going to help them exit, as opposed to what’s important to me, for me to have them in my life again.” He adds that these people have been brainwashed, and attacking or coming at them with hostility is only going to make them retreat further into their own belief system. People do not like to be isolated from family and friends. They respond to love and respect and kindness and praise, “And the good news is that it’s not a permanent condition,” said Hassan. “Human beings can change and grow.” Advertisement Be prepared to (safely) disengage. Of course, there might be instances where keeping that door open to communication might just be too much or too hard, and that’s where you have every right to back away. Young recommends saying phrases like: “I love you too much to argue with you about this.” “I’ve learned that these conversations don’t feel good or helpful to me. I’m setting a boundary.” “I want to focus on connecting with you, not debating you.” “Let’s keep this space politics-free.” And if they keep pushing, remember: Boundaries aren’t about changing their behavior — they’re about protecting your peace. Advertisement “You can step away,” Young said. “You’re not obligated to stay in conversations that harm you, especially when they’re built on misinformation or power games.” Keep a tether to your previous relationship. Connection doesn’t always mean agreement. It means curiosity, boundaries and a willingness to stay grounded in your own values — even when the people you love most are swept up in something you no longer recognize. “We’re living through a time of spiritual intoxication, where misinformation is more than a problem — it’s a path to belonging for some people,” Young said. “And so the most radical thing you can do might be the quiet, grounded choice: not to argue, but to refuse to play the game. Remember: The goal isn’t always to win the argument. Sometimes the goal is just to stay whole in the face of it.” Advertisement “A life raft doesn’t have to be big — it just has to float.” Even if it feels impossible to have meaningful conversations, keeping a light tether to the relationship can be incredibly important. This is because one of the most hidden — and cruel — exit costs for people leaving cults, extremist groups, or even online rabbit holes is that they have to admit they were wrong. 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Your initial support helped get us here and bolstered our newsroom, which kept us strong during uncertain times. Now as we continue, we need your help more than ever. We hope you will join us once again. Support HuffPost Already a member? Log in to hide these messages. “That’s a brutal kind of shame,” said Young. “Sometimes the thing that keeps people stuck in a harmful ideology is not the belief itself — it’s the fear of what it will cost them to walk away.” Advertisement They have to go back to the people they cut off or belittled and say, “You were right, and I got conned.”
