Charles Frey, 32, stood at the altar on his wedding day and spotted his elementary school teacher sitting in the pews at the Catholic Student Center at Washington University.
That moment connected a childhood turning point to an adult milestone.
Frey, an EMS provider from Crestwood, grew up attending Webster Groves schools — from Avery elementary to Hixson middle to Webster Groves high — before earning a business degree at the University of Missouri-St. Louis. Now, he’s attending the St. Louis Fire Academy to become a firefighter.
As a young kid, he struggled in school. He had trouble focusing, taking tests and working under pressure. He knew his brain worked differently than other kids. Even when he tried his best, it often wasn’t enough.
“I was not any good at school,” he says.
Frey was diagnosed with Asperger’s, a condition on the autism spectrum. Back then, patience and understanding were rare. Then came third grade, and his teacher, Miss Katie O’Connor. She was patient and compassionate with him. She worked with him one-on-one, especially in math.
O’Connor was early in her teaching career when she invited her entire third grade class to her wedding ceremony in 2002, when she became Mrs. Katie French. Twenty-three years ago, Frey was the one sitting in the pews at St. Margaret of Scotland church watching his teacher get married. It was the first church wedding he had ever attended.
It made an impression on him, and now, as an adult, he realizes how much it meant that French wanted them there. French recalls that she was moving from third to fourth grade with the same class.
“Those kids have a special place in my heart,” she says. “We did a lot of growing up together.”
When Frey and his fiancé, Mary Seise, began planning their Oct. 4 wedding, she asked him if he had any mentors he wanted to invite. He immediately thought of French. He did some sleuthing online to find her address and mailed an invitation, hoping it would reach her.
French, now in her 26th year teaching at Avery, was surprised when she received the invite — her first from a former student — and remembered Frey instantly.
“He was a unique personality,” she says. “He did need a little extra attention, but he was more capable than he knew.”
She had the same expectations for him as every other student, and the class culture was one of supporting and encouraging one another. Frey had never forgotten the teacher who taught him how to read and, more importantly, to believe in himself. He wrote a letter telling her how special she was to him and how she had changed his life.
French remembers opening that letter.
“It brought tears to my eyes,” she says. “A lot of times, teachers don’t get that feedback. To hear that from someone I taught at 8 or 9 years old, it was so touching.”
She didn’t hesitate to RSVP “yes.”
In the receiving line at his own wedding, Frey greeted French with a hug and introduced her to his bride.
“Mrs. French, it’s so good to see you,” he said. She reintroduced him to her husband. Frey laughed and said he remembered him being a lot bigger from when he was a kid.
In the card with her gift, French included a photo from her wedding more than two decades earlier. It showed her and her husband flanked by Frey and his classmates, dressed in their button-down shirts for the occasion. French is nearing retirement within the next few years. Reconnecting with Frey affirmed a belief she’s held throughout her career.
“I’ve always thought that kids won’t remember the content you teach them,” she says. “But they will remember how you made them feel.”
That rings true for Frey.
“She saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself,” he says. French enjoyed attending the wedding, which brought back memories of her own early days of teaching. It gave her a chance to see that small boy who had once struggled to learn, standing tall as a husband and fulfilling his dreams.
It was a full circle moment for both of them.
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Aisha Sultan | Post-Dispatch
Columnist and features writer
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