By Victoria Richards

Copyright independent

My son was sexually assaulted a few weeks back – and I’m struggling to handle it.

The police spoke to us and a few kids that were around, at the time – they’ve been linked to the other kids who assaulted him (three times, might I add).

But I have heard nothing from the police, since. We have been left completely alone and in shock. Do you have any advice as to how I should approach this – with the authorities, as well as with my son? I am fuming, as you can imagine. My son is only 14 and these youths were 15 to 16 years old.

Dear Livid,

How absolutely horrific for you and your son. This is awful. I am so sorry. First off, well done for reporting it in the first place – though having to wait without receiving any follow-up checks or calls must feel unbearable.

When you reported what happened to the police, after taking all the details and talking to you both, they would usually have logged it and given you a crime reference number (this number may have reached you by post, some days later). Do you still have it? If you do, you can go online and ask for an update. Your request will then go into a queue and someone should get back to you asap. The Met Police (if the assault took place in London) has a special web page dealing specifically with requests for updates, here.

It’s possible that your son’s case is subject to investigation and is taking longer to deal with – I am hopeful you will hear, very soon – but I completely understand your frustration, anger and sorrow.

It is worth researching and knowing your rights: if a case doesn’t proceed, you are entitled to access the Victim’s Right to Review: which gives victims and their families the right to ask for a review of a police decision not to charge a suspect. If the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decides not to prosecute, you have the right to have that decision reviewed by a different prosecutor. You can also contact the Victims’ Commissioner for England and Wales.

While you explore these formal avenues, I want to pause for a moment and urge you to get your son – and yourself, perhaps even the rest of your family – some support. This is a huge, painful, awful, unfair and shocking thing to have happened. I know you are feeling the after-effects now and might feel them for quite some time.

For starters, I’d urge you to reach out to several charities and organisations who are experts in supporting victims, such as Victim Support and Victim and witness information.

To reassure you: I was contacted directly by someone from Victim Support after I’d reported something to the police and they were calm, kind, compassionate and reassuring. They also gave me extra information, when I asked for it, on additional support services available to me. You don’t have to battle this alone.

I would also implore you to have a good look online, which you can do from the comfort of your own home (with your son or by yourself) at resources such as the NSPCC website. They have a special section which goes carefully through the different types of abuse, signs, who is at risk, how to prevent abuse, what to do when a child tells you they’ve experienced abuse, the possible effects and aftermath (with handy links to services available for parents), when your child has been through something like this.

It also has signposts to organisations who can work with your son directly, such as Childline (who can be contacted 24/7 on 0800 1111 – all calls are free and confidential). Children can also contact Childline online.

The Lighthouse is a charity provides support to children and young people who have experienced sexual abuse to help them recover – it also, helpfully in your case, helps children and their families who are struggling to navigate health and social care, therapeutic services, police and the criminal justice process by themselves.

The Survivors Trust provides emotional support and information to any survivor of child abuse, while this web page will tell you more about local services for children in your area.

The one thing I want you to remember is that you and your son have options. It’s a horrific thing, that has happened. Nothing will (or can) take that away. The support is there to help you both come to terms with this. Please don’t suffer silently.

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