By Madeleine Chapman
Copyright thespinoff
Madeleine Chapman reflects on the week that was.
Asking “are men OK” has become an easy, glib way for women to laugh at often deeply concerning behaviour. Sometimes it’s condescending – like when young men adopt an ill-advised self help technique (see: “rawdogging flights”) even though it’s no more or less embarrassing than the things every one of us likes to forget we did as teenagers. Other times it’s a defence mechanism – like when a new report shows young men in New Zealand appearing to have regressed in their views on women’s rights and gender equality.
This week in particular has felt like the most “are men OK” week of all time.
The story of Tom Phillips and his death after four years on the run with his kidnapped children has continued to dominate headlines, including the baffling and persistent online community of supporters, praising Phillips’ manly and “fatherly” urge to go bush and shoot cops.
The shooting of rightwing activist Charlie Kirk has ignited a race to the bottom as each political side fights to prove the young man charged with his murder was radicalised by the other. What’s worse: a young man radicalised to kill by the right or the left? Does it make any difference?
Then this week the 2025 Gender Attitudes survey was released showing a third of New Zealand men aged 18-34 believe “gender equality has gone too far”. There are countless think pieces around the world trying to explain why this sort of regression – closely aligned with the “male loneliness epidemic” – is happening and how to Make Men OK Again.
The many surveys over the decades of young women saying things weren’t equal enough did not make for a global crisis. Māori saying race relations are still poor and outcomes are devastating does not result in a nationwide concern. Because every other demographic is not expected to be OK. Everyone else is trying to get to OK for the first time.
The stories of Phillips, Kirk and the young men of Aotearoa have attracted more readers this week than any other in recent memory. There’s a morbid curiosity, yes. But as much as we may all want to scoff or ask “are men OK?”, there’s no escaping the bitter reality that in our society, if men aren’t OK, it’s bad news for everyone else too.
The stories Spinoff readers spent the most time with this week
Duncan Greive analyses Tom Phillips, Clarke Gayford and rumours that won’t go away
Alex Casey examines the ‘cult of masculinity’ around Tom Phillips
The rise and fall of a Ruapehu shortcut, by Hazel Phillips
The cost of being: A ‘poor yet comfortable’ 50-year-old who just paid off their mortgage
Hayden Donnell asks the question on everyone’s lips: why is the economy so shit?
Feedback of the week
On The Fold: Charlie Kirk, Tom Phillips and how the chaos of digital worlds is impacting the one we physically live in
“Originally, tertiary education was about creating civilised human beings, who were capable of thinking for themselves, criticising ideas and philosophies, and understanding humanity, society and the world around us. True, we trained doctors and engineers, etc, but university wasn’t about training you for a job. Humanities graduates weren’t valued because they were history buffs, they were valued because they were capable of critical thnking and had learnt to use information intelligently. In today’s brave new world, we need these skills more than ever. Let’s forget about qualifying people to be efficient Human Resources and instead qualify them to be effective human beings and citizens.”
On Looking backwards to move forward: 50 years of te wiki o te reo Māori
“In 1975 I was teaching at Waverly District High School. The woodwork/Maori language teacher there at the time was one Hinerau Waikerepuru (then known as Ray Edwards). That year he organised the first Maori Culture week at any school in the country. In this endeavour he was fully supported by the then Principal, Ken Tonks. The tutors and supporters that came to this week at little old Waverley was a list of Maori “who’s who” – Para Matchett, Willie Kaa and other Maori luminaries that I now cannot recall. It was the most memorable week of my career in Education.
I now know that Waverley is a place of great historical interest – it was here that a heavily outnumbered Titokowaru defeated Cameron’s troops, the battle leading to the death of Von Tempsky.”
On Help Me Hera: Should I leave my long-term relationship?
“Just want to say that I keep coming back to read this article every so often. I split with my partner of 9yrs for some of the reasons Hera listed here, and it has been so helpful to remind myself that ultimately I’ve made the right decision even though it’s the most painful one. It was indeed made even harder by my desire to stay loyal and be a ‘good person’ to my partner. I had to make a decision that prioritised myself, and that meant leaving. It sucks, and it’s been really hard, and in a small but significant way, reading this helps <3”
