Copyright tribuneonlineng
Last week, we began a heartfelt conversation about the mental health of our children, how easily we overlook their emotions, fears, and silent struggles in a world that demands so much from them. We explored how confidence, empathy, and resilience are not born from toughness but from emotional safety, from children knowing they are seen, heard, and loved. Today, we bring that conversation home, to where it truly begins: the family. Raising resilient minds is not a one-time effort but a continuous journey of awareness and adjustment. Parenting is both beautiful and humbling because it often mirrors back the parts of ourselves that still need healing. The truth is, many of us are learning as we go, doing our best with what we know. But as we understand better, we must also do better. We live in a society where many African parents believe that discipline must hurt to be effective. We were raised on phrases like “spare the rod and spoil the child” and “I was beaten and I turned out fine.” But the truth is, not everyone turned out fine. Some became fearful, emotionally distant, or constantly driven by the need for approval. Some of us still struggle with the voices of our childhood, voices that said we were never enough. Many children today are growing up under the same emotional patterns we inherited, where correction comes without conversation and fear replaces trust. We shout, we compare, we ridicule, all in the name of “training.” We forget that words cut deeper than whips and that emotional bruises do not fade like those on the skin. We need to do better because times have changed. This generation of children is exposed to a world far beyond the four walls of their homes. When a child feels unheard or unloved, they no longer suffer quietly; they find comfort elsewhere. Sadly, that comfort may come in dangerous forms such as drugs, peer pressure, cults, or online spaces that offer false validation. When we close our ears at home, someone else opens theirs outside. And not everyone out there has good intentions. After the last episode, a reader shared her experience with me of how her mother would lock her outside in the dark and rain curses and abuses on her until neighbors heard her cry and came to beg the mother. She said her mother would literally tell her she could never amount to anything, even in the presence of her siblings, and once said that her pregnancy should have come as menstruation. Those harsh words, she said, kept replaying in her mind long after she moved out of the house after her secondary education. She narrated how her parents never sponsored her education because they thought she was a failure. When she got her first job to raise money for her WAEC, she said she was so afraid to work because she believed she was not good enough. But God had it so well, her employer noticed her honesty and hard work. It was that same man who later sponsored her university education in one of the best private universities in Nigeria. Today, she said she is the most successful in her family. She added that it took her many years to heal and find the strength to forgive her parents. Now, let me direct this message in particular to African mothers, the backbone of many homes, yet often the source of deep emotional scars without even realizing it. Many African women were themselves raised in harsh environments where love was expressed through fear, shouting, or punishment, and they simply continued the pattern they knew. But we must break this cycle. Our culture has glorified “tough love” for too long, forgetting that love without tenderness can destroy a child’s spirit. African mothers carry great influence in shaping the emotional world of their children, and with that power comes a sacred responsibility to heal, to unlearn, and to love differently. Truly, some children provoke because of their actions, but we should not respond with harsh measures that drive them away completely. If we do, we stand to lose the child entirely, and things may get out of hand. As parents, we need wisdom to deal with difficult behaviour. Let good behaviour be rewarded to motivate more of it, and let unacceptable behaviour have consequences, but not in ways that will make us lose the child. Discipline must be corrective, not destructive. It is time we begin to parent with awareness, not just with authority. To guide without shaming. To correct without crushing. To love without wounding. Parenting in this age requires emotional intelligence. It requires sensitivity to notice when a child’s laughter hides pain, when a drop in performance is a cry for attention, and when silence is not obedience but sadness. The goal is not to raise tough children who feel nothing, but wise ones who can feel deeply and still stay strong. True strength comes from emotional stability, not suppression. It comes from knowing you are loved even when you fail. It comes from parents who can say, “I’m sorry,” when they are wrong, because that simple act teaches humility, empathy, and trust. In today’s world, our children do not only need food, clothes, and education; they need emotional safety. They need homes where their opinions are valued, where their tears are not dismissed, and where discipline comes with explanation, not humiliation. They need parents who are approachable, not intimidating. Every child deserves to grow up emotionally whole, and every parent deserves the wisdom to make that possible. We must raise a generation that is not only strong but emotionally healthy, compassionate, and wise. Let this be our collective reminder: love should never hurt, even when it disciplines. Strength should never silence, even when it teaches. If we can raise children who are both confident and kind, resilient and empathetic, then we have given them not just a childhood but a lifetime foundation for mental health and happiness.
