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A VIRAL article that sparked not only fierce debate, but also introspection on the new generation’s outlook on relationships, marriage, love, and traditional gender roles: A piece written by author Chanté Joseph and published in Vogue entitled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” took the Internet by storm and inspired conversations about the newer generations of young women … and in particular, how they find having a boyfriend to simply be out of style. Chanté Joseph’s think-piece, widely inspiring thought and conversation The article, a well-written opinion piece published on October 25 and stemming from personal observations, delves into the reality of relationships on social media, and how detrimental they can be to women in general. Author Joseph includes a personal anecdote about how she cannot stand when a female creator she followed and liked began to post about her relationship, since their page from then on almost inevitably becomes solely about their boyfriend. Modern dating culture and how social media affects relationships In addition to this, the article, as well as countless comments, think-pieces, and video essays made on the subject since its publication, mention that it is not uncommon for women to post their partner and not receive reciprocal attention. While many women might post their boyfriend constantly, they may only receive one post a year on their birthday, if that. Joseph’s Vogue article also touches on a new trend born of this dubbed “soft-launching,” wherein women will post pictures of their partner that omits their face (their arm as they drive, a drink in their hand, or even the back of their head) as a way of showing off their partner without flaunting them … and without any risk of public humiliation if the situation goes sideways. The conversation stems from many different aspects – and absurdities – of modern dating culture among young people. Firstly, flaunting a relationship on social media has slowly become seen as tacky. In a world where being a “girls’ girl” (that is, giving more importance to camaraderie with other women than attention from men) is prioritised, being boyfriend-centred is a social detriment. Secondly, young people are increasingly, and almost obsessively, more choosy about what they post. During the first years of Instagram, it was not uncommon for people’s feeds to be full of friends and family, posting whatever they wanted on a simple whim: their dinner, the new series they are watching, or a goofy photo with more filters than you could count. Now, young people feel immense pressure to post the perfect photo every time, or face scrutiny from a public that only gets less understanding and more critical with each passing year. Young people aspiring less to marriage and children than previous generations The ‘embarrassing boyfriend’ conversation brings to mind the new tendency of younger women to get married and have children later or even not at all. A famous survey done by the American Time Use Survey (ATUS) and popularised by author and professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, Paul Dolan, cites that unmarried and childfree women are not only the happiest subgroup of the population, but are also likely to outlive their married and child-rearing peers. These figures are constantly cited in conversations about marriage, particularly with regards to women. Younger millennials and Gen Z women are more openly expressing a disinterest in marriage and having kids, acknowledging that marriage benefits men more than it does women. In an age where we have access to hundreds of millions of videos peering into the daily lives of married women, it is safe to say that many people, in particular young women in their 20s, are not liking what they see. Where many of those who came of age in the 70s, 80s, and even 90s, see marriage as a symbol of adulthood and a step forward, the younger generation is increasingly seeing it as a detriment. This has undoubtedly contributed to the global declining birth rate, which was described this year as “unprecedented” by Dr Natalia Kanem, head of UNFPA. In fact, the global birth rate is only projected to continue to fall in coming years. Young women prioritising fulfilling careers and personal lives Many women, even those who did get married, state that in the modern world, women in marriages are expected to work full time as well as take up the majority of the child-rearing and household tasks, and that they get little to no recognition for doing so. In addition, a new term, “weaponised incompetence” explains how these women’s husbands might do household tasks incorrectly on purpose so that they are not asked to do them again. Younger millennial and Gen Z women are slowly, but surely, learning to prioritise fulfilling their own personal and career goals rather than getting married and having children, a stark contrast from previous generations. Both younger women and men are observing that, at an age where their parents might have already been married with kids on the way, they feel they are struggling to meet even the basic demands of adulthood, with the economic aspect being cited as a major deterrent from having children. Falling in love, in a world where nothing is private In a world where social media is a part of daily life, has become many people’s pastime, source of information, and even a way to make a living, it shapes the sociocultural paradigm tremendously. Now, relationships are more public than they have ever been; where once, ‘going public’ may have meant walking hand-in-hand on a busy street, now, more eyes are watching than ever. In light of this, it is perhaps no surprise that young people would rather not post their relationship at all than to reveal it to an impossible-to-please public … and their harsh, anonymous words. Read more Lifestyle articles here.
