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Become A Member.Get The Paper. Tuesday, October 28, 2025 Judgment cloudy with a high chance of regret America’s Finest News Source Entertainment The Onion Store Entertainment The Onion Store Tuesday, October 28, 2025 Judgment cloudy with a high chance of regret Become A Member Entertainment The Onion Store Free Your Wallet. Shop The Onion Store. Share on Facebook Share on Bluesky Share on X Share on LinkedIn Share on SMS Email this Page Entertainment The Onion’s Top Songs: October 2025 Share on Facebook Share on X Share on Bluesky Share on LinkedIn Share on SMS Email this Page Published: October 28, 2025 FROWNIN’ AT NIGHT THE WEEKEND EMBERS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT PORK ME WITH YOUR CHODE SABRINA CARPENTER RATTLING CHAINS AND SCREANS (9-HOUR VERSION) HALLOWEEN SOUNDS SUSHI IS TOO EXPENSIVE RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON VIDEO GAMES DARK RISE OF THE ASTRAL DREADNOUGHTS PART IV YOU CAN’T PUT ME IN A BOX (UNLESS IT’S A SEX BOX) SABRINA CARPENTER HHHHHHHHHHHHNGH SECOND CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED DUET LADY GAGA, BRUNO MARS CLODGE (NEW SLUR) MORGAN WALLEN FINGERED IN CALABASAS THERE’S A NEW FLAVOR OF CELSIUS I REALLY WANT TO TRY JUSTIN BIEBER MOMS AND AUNTS (THEY’RE BOTH SWELL) BENSON BOONE DRACULA IN MY PICKUP TRUCK TRENDING AUDIO I JUST NEED 30 SECONDS (FOR IT TO COUNT AS A STREAM) JESSIE MURPH SHORTS IN THE WINTER BIG ALIVE HAMBURGER (CHASIN’ ME AROUND) BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN Advertising Advertising Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal Ventilator Continued on next page Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter. "*" indicates required fields This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Subscribe For All the Latest Headlines* By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use Explore Tags Explainer Former Print Exclusive Music Vol 61: Issue 41 Related Coverage Everything We Know About ‘Nobody Wants This’ Season 2 ‘Welcome To Derry’ Viewer Can Tell Pennywise Got Work Done Wedding Planner Gingerly Asks Taylor Swift If She’s Considered Dance Lessons Advertising Trending Entertainment Everything We Know About ‘Nobody Wants This’ Season 2 What To Know About Data Centers Entertainment Wedding Planner Gingerly Asks Taylor Swift If She’s Considered Dance Lessons Recent News Low Papapproval Ratings Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal Ventilator Trump Defends Demolition Of Yggdrasil, Ancient Tree Of Life Everything We Know About ‘Nobody Wants This’ Season 2 Travis Kelce Part Of Investor Group Aiming To Revive Six Flags Join The Millions Of Others Who Entered In Their Credit Card Number. Become An Onion Member Today Advertising Read More American Voices Travis Kelce Part Of Investor Group Aiming To Revive Six Flags Doula Asks To Keep Baby God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There Entertainment ‘Welcome To Derry’ Viewer Can Tell Pennywise Got Work Done Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday (October 23 to November 21): Confidence will fade to humiliation this week when it turns out a backflip is harder to execute than you thought. Read Your Horoscope Subscribe for all the latest Headlines "*" indicates required fields Get All The Latest Headlines By Email, Once A Day* By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use Entertainment Become a Member The Onion Store Front Page Archive Privacy Policy Cookie Policy Terms of Use Print Membership Terms
