Jason Statham is one of the biggest action movie stars in the world, whose films are filled with hilarious and quotable dialogue. With the incredible ability to blend brooding intensity with deadpan comedy, there’s a reason audiences have been flocking to Statham’s films for decades and that he’s become such an integral part of so many movie franchises.
The best Statham movies all feature memorable lines that have helped turn him into a global star. While Statham is also known for his incredible action choreography and stunt work in everything from The Expendables to The Transporter, it’s his ability to deliver iconic one-liners that has helped entrench him in modern popular culture.
“You Could Fall In Love With An Orangutan In That”
Bacon: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
As Jason Statham’s breakout role, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels would kickstart the actor’s longstanding creative partnership with director Guy Ritchie. With Statham as the small-time London criminal Bacon, it was hilarious to watch his shock as he was confronted with an exotic fruity cocktail after he had simply asked the bartender for a “refreshing drink.”
In shock and horror and with Statham’s signature deadpan wit, he hilariously described the drinks as “like a f***ing rainforest” and said, “You could fall in love with an orangutan in that.” This uniquely offbeat dialogue captured the street-smart charm, quick thinking, and unfiltered eccentricity that made Bacon such an icon of British crime movies.
“Seats And A Steering Wheel”
Turkish: Snatch (2000)
Jason Statham followed up Lock, Stock with yet another iconic Guy Ritchie film when he played Turkish in the classic release Snatch, co-starring Stephen Graham, Brad Pitt, and Benicio del Toro. As the shady boxing promoter and slot machine shop owner, Turkish Statham continued to deliver hilarious dialogue with criminal underpinnings.
A prime example of this came when Turkish was pulled over by a police officer who asked him, “What’s in the car?” Always the comedian, Turkish’s quick-witted and evasive response was “Seats and a steering wheel.” With blunt, no-nonsense delivery, this was yet another incredible showcase of Statham’s often underappreciated comedic talent.
“Rule #1. Never Change The Deal”
Frank Martin: The Transporter (2002)
The true beginnings of Jason Statham’s career as a major action star began with The Transporter in 2002. Statham played the former highly decorated special forces operative Frank Martin, who has taken up work as a getaway driver for illicit jobs in the criminal underworld in southern France.
As a man who lives by a strict set of codes, Martin’s philosophy can be summed up through his unbreakable rules of ‘never change the deal, no names, and never open a package.’ With calm delivery, Martin explains these rules in the opening sequence of The Transporter, and it’s something that remains important throughout the franchise.
“Do You Think I’ve Got ‘C**t’ Written On My Forehead?”
Chev Chelios: Crank (2006)
Jason Statham took his action hero persona to whole new extremes with the wild, adrenaline-fueled carnage of Crank. With Statham as Chev Chelios, a man poisoned with a synthetic drug that means if he allows his heart rate to drop, he will literally die, the unique premise of this release meant it couldn’t slow down even for a minute.
With plenty of hilarious dialogue, Chelios’s most memorable confrontation came when he confronted the crook Ricky Verona and aggressively uttered the vulgar one-liner. “Do you think I’ve got ‘c**t’ written on my forehead?” What made this line so iconic was that as he spoke, the offensive word literally appeared on his head.
“I Once Knew A Man Called Tool/To Me, Was The Epitome Of Cool”
Lee Christmas: The Expendables (2010)
It was clear that Jason Statham had truly made it as an action star when he appeared alongside icons of the genre in Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables. As Lee Christmas, Statham was a vital part of this team, and he showcased his creative side when he came up with a poem on the spot while throwing knives with the crew.
Speaking to Mickey Rourke’s Tool, Statham uttered this hilarious poem at the end of The Expendables: “I once knew a man called Tool/To me, was the epitome of cool/He was good with a knife/Bad with a wife/But to think he could beat me/Dreaming he’d defeat me/Cool Tool/You gotta be a fool.”
“Rest Now, Little Brother. I Want To Settle Your One Last Score.”
Deckard Shaw: Furious 7 (2015)
Dominic Toretto’s crew in the Fast & Furious franchise had no idea what was coming next after they defeated Owen Shaw in Fast & Furious 6, as this only opened the door for his brother Deckard to come back for revenge in Furious 7. With Statham as Deckard, it was clear this former special forces soldier was going to be a force to be reckoned with.
As Deckard visited his injured brother in the hospital, he went on a long monologue about how he always had to finish his fights for him when they were kids. This familial connection becomes extra relevant considering the important role Dom places on his own found family in the franchise, and it heightened the stakes for their eventual face-off.
“Meg Versus Man Isn’t A Fight… It’s A Slaughter”
Jonas Taylor: The Meg (2018)
Jason Statham added yet another action movie franchise to his incredible resume when he starred as Jonas Taylor in The Meg. Based on a series of novels by author Steve Alten, The Meg saw marine scientists encounter a giant, long thought to be extinct, 75-foot-long megalodon while on a rescue mission on the Pacific Ocean floor.
With Jonas forced to consider the implications of facing off against the prehistoric creature, he describes the encounter as less like a fight and more like “a slaughter.” This epic line prepared audiences for the carnage that was to come and highlighted just how much of a terrifying foe this titanic sea creature truly was.
“I Make A Habit Out Of Doing Things People Say I Can’t Do.”
Rick Ford: Spy (2015)
While there’s been a comedic edge to Jason Statham’s cinematic persona, it was in the espionage comedy Spy that he was able to truly show off his funny side. As the hilarious field agent Rick Ford, Spy was filled with hilarious one-liners and witty dialogue that makes us wish Statham would do full-on comedy movies more often.
One of Rick’s funniest moments came when he spoke about making a habit out of “doing things people say I can’t do.” While this began with things like “walk through fire” and “waterski blindfolded,” the real punchline came when Statham unexpectedly added “take up piano at a late age” to his list.
“Nothing Kills Me. I’m Immune To 179 Different Types Of Poison.”
Rick Ford: Spy (2015)
Part of the joy of Jason Statham’s performance in Spy was that Rick Ford embodied the ridiculousness of impenetrable espionage heroes. A hilarious example of this was Rick’s assertion that nothing could kill him because he’s “immune to 179 different types of poison.”
As such a hyper-specific number, audiences first wondered how he would even know that before he explained, “I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison-ingesting crime ring.” With everything that Rick said being totally absurd, you can’t help but laugh at this kind of over-the-top, satirical dialogue.
“I’m A Beekeeper. I Protect The Hive. Sometimes I Use Fire To Smoke Out Hornets.”
Adam Clay: The Beekeeper (2024)
The best Jason Statham action movies know how to properly utilize their star and balance his incredible talent for complex choreography and stunt work with his offbeat and often humorous persona. The Beekeeper struck the perfect balance as Statham’s Adam Clay went on a wild revenge mission while delivering hilarious bee-centric one-liners.