By Andleeb Abbas

Copyright brecorder

Liked. Disliked. Empowering. Disempowering. Engaging. Disengaging. Open. Closed. Humble. Arrogant. These are not just opposites. These are paradoxes. These are contradictions. These are sides of the same coin. These are views. These are opinions. These are perceptions. These are realities. What we think we are may not be what we are. What others think we are also may not be what we are. Some times.

But if over a period of time and over a number of people, we are being mentioned with certain descriptions, there is some truth in it. That is why they say perception is reality. Perception sometimes is misleading but even in this case to correct it is our own responsibility. How many times have we heard that the perception about Pakistan is far from the truth. This itself is the truth. But equally true is that we have not really done much to work on creating an alternative perception.

As people we cannot ignore what our general impression is. We may feel upset about why people see us like this. We may feel surprised by the “wrong” image people carry about us. The fact remains that we need to work on it. There are two other schools of thought on this topic.

Firstly, many people feel that “why should we be dependent on other people’s opinion”. Secondly, some people also feel that “we do not want to be fakes and put-ons”. While both have a ground for consideration, the fact is if you are happy with the consequences of this approach it is fine. When how you are perceived is producing negative results then you need to do something about it.

The process of aligning how you are perceived and how you really are is the process of working on the behaviours that are creating the false impression. There are two causes of misperception. Firstly, people simply are not in touch with their own reality. This may be due to lack of self awareness. This may also be due to the success bias. Success bias is with people who have started small and through great effort and struggle have become successful. They feel that if they were not doing right things they would not be where they are.

Success makes them have a confirmation bias. A typical example is when a person feels he is a caring manager, while his subordinates feel he is not. This may come as a shock to him that people perceive him as uncaring. The reaction of this person may depend on whether he is unaware due to lack of feedback given or due to lack of feedback taken.

If it is a genuine lack of understanding, correction will take place. On the other hand, if it is due to ego dominance, correction does not take place. If we are really interested in genuinely creating a change in behaviour to change perception, following are the steps we need to take:

Self-introspection is a way of life— This is perhaps the most needed but the most neglected part of our life. We simply are not in touch with ourselves. We go with flow. We do what “seems” to be the need of the hour. We become what is suitable for that time. At times there is no disconnect. However, when there is a disconnect with what you are and what you really want to be, stop and delve inside. The real transformation is internal. The real sound to listen is to the inner voice. Envision your own true self. Explore what is that is really your passion. Understand the gap. How far are you from your ideal self? This process will not be a discovery, it will be a series of detections and explorations. Be patient and persistent.

Start genuine observation— Shift from being in the situation to being on the situation. Develop a sense of interest and curiosity to observe and learn, both yourself and others. If you are in meetings observe your own feelings. See how people react. If people are not listening to you, find out who are they listening to. Suspend your bias. Remove your filter. Be honest to yourself about your own good points and improvement areas.

Seek feedback-– Once you feel that you have more or less explored on your own, seek feedback on why people perceive you the way they do. Be prepared to take the feedback without being reactive. Try to take the feedback from people of various backgrounds to ensure that a theme about you emerges from a variety of people. Compare what other people are saying to what your inner voice has been saying to you truthfully.

Use independent coaching— Once you have decided that these are the behaviours that need modification and these are the ones you will not negotiate regardless of what others say, make a brief of your requirements. The best way of reducing the perception gap that you really want to reduce is to seek help from and independent coach. The benefit of the independent coach is that he or she will have an unbiased approach, and a trust bond that will help you to board on the implementation path. In companies, the most effective way of behaviour modification is through an independent coach facilitation.

Develop measurable CBP (Change Behaviour Plans)— Once you have an independent coach it will be easier for you to develop action plans and follow them. These plans will have accountability, as the coach will ensure that the words are put into actions and the actions reflect the desired behaviours.

Take constant feedback— The real test of how you are genuine about self-reflection and self-improvement is that you constantly seek out feedback as you go along trying to change behaviours. The courage to seek feedback is the litmus test of how true one is to the commitment of improving oneself.

Perception gaps will always exist. Working on the ones that are unwanted is the hallmark of growth mindset. Unfortunately, most leaders and team members have an avoidance confrontation with their own reality. That takes them towards a victim mindset or a regressive approach. To be able to question one’s own self requires humility. To be responsible for one’s own reactions and emotions requires integrity. The tragedy is that both these values, humility and integrity are preached a lot but practiced with scarcity.

Copyright Business Recorder, 2025