By Rotimi Ige And Tribune Online
Copyright tribuneonlineng
In this report, ENIOLA SHOBIYE writes about the age of relationships among Nigeria’s youth; where they engage in undefined love entanglements, fuelled by various elements, to become uncommitted associations that often result in emotional problems and heartbreaks. Labelled situationships, these have become the popular mode of youth-centric relationships.
So, are you two dating? ”The pause is always telling. An awkward laugh, a shrug, and the familiar line: “We’re just vibing.”
In today’s youth culture, that kind of reply is more common than you’d expect it to be. It’s the new relationship status that has many couples in a chokehold. Welcome to the limbo between full on romance and friendship, because here, young people get the perks of a relationship without the labels.
The ‘Just vibes’ epidemic
Situationships aren’t exactly new. However, social media, the intricacies of the average Nigerian’s life, and in other instances sheer ignorance, have made them the mainstream language of love. Unlike formal dating, where boy meets girl and they declare it, situationships “just happen.”
That’s how Sandra Faremi, 20, described her experience when asked how hers began. “ Situationships don’t have a beginning date like relationships. Nobody agrees to be in one but they know when they end up in it. For me, it just happened,” she said matter-of-factly.
When asked to explain, she shared, “He started calling me baby o. We did what people in relationships did but we completely avoided the tag.”
Her story is a loud but familiar echo of many young people’s experiences, mirroring how something romantic begins without ever naming it.
Why situationships are rising
Many young people in situationships find it difficult to proffer a response to why they are in them. Answers point to a mix of emotions, culture and economy.
Mustapha Azeez, 24, a software engineer, didn’t mince words: “Love is sweet but it is really expensive. Dates, data and airtime, even Valentine’s gifts, money drives all of those things. And me, I’m saving to japa. I don’t want anyone tying me down. But I also don’t want to be alone. So situationships make sense.”
He’s not wrong. Money plays a real role. With inflation biting hard and several young people juggling full-time employment and side gigs, traditional relationships feel like financial commitments they can’t afford.
Then comes the influence of pop culture. Music, especially Afrobeats and TikTok, tends to glorify the “no strings attached” culture. From Burna Boy’s ‘Last Last’ to Asake’s ‘Lonely at the Top’, the lyrics cement the idea; Keep it light, avoid heartbreak and don’t do too much. It’s endless.
Television, especially reality easily reinforces this culture as well. BBNaija couples serve as constant reminders that even ‘defined’ love can dissolve quickly once the cameras stop rolling. Many young people point to the previous season’s breakups as proof that public declarations don’t guarantee lasting commitment. “If those ones with all the fame and money can’t keep it together, why stress ourselves?” Mustapha quipped.
Without dismissing the aforementioned causes, not all reasons are external. Ifeoma Udeh, a 26-year-old photographer, admitted hers was more about fear; “After my last relationship of about four plus years, I didn’t want stress. I couldn’t even handle it.” She said.
“The guy I was involved with made me feel special but spared me the wahala of investing all I had and felt into it. I was practically free. If it ends, no problem.” She added.
Hassan Abdullahi, a 25 year old fashion designer begged to differ. “I think it’s just an excuse for infidelity. If you are serious about a relationship, you have to know what it is for – the purpose” he stated. Abdullahi’s claim also holds some truth as many young people tend to blur the lines between casual interactions and genuine commitment.
Psychology experts have often stressed that unclear relationship boundaries can cause emotional strain. When expectations are left undefined, it creates room for misunderstandings, jealousy, and mistrust. In fact, relationship counselors often warn that such ambiguity fuels emotional instability, leaving one partner more invested than the other.
The sweet and sour of undefined love
Situationships might promise a lot like freedom, no demand for on-the-paper commitment and no endless texts about your whereabouts. You are free to focus on school work or even other partners while still having someone to talk to at night.
But, the same freedom, more often than not, comes with hidden costs. Feelings don’t obey labels.
Sandra laughed as she described hers: “It was all fun and vibes until I fell hard for this boy. Then I was stuck waiting for him to admit it was more than vibes. He never did. I couldn’t even be angry because I knew deep down that he didn’t owe me.” She said.
That’s the paradox: Situationships might remove pressure, but they also remove security. You might give the energy but not the loyalty, and most definitely not the recognition.
Ifeoma recalled her confusion after the situationship ended. “I was hurt when he left me, I admit. But I was all the more confused and empty. I couldn’t even say he cheated because we weren’t ever a couple.”
It brings back the memory of a meme that went viral on X earlier this year: “Talking stage is now permanent residency.” Many laughed, but the joke hit close to home.
Generational contrast
Older Nigerians often shake their heads at this widespread phenomenon. From reasons ranging from religion to principles or traditions, are backing for their claim. For a lot of them, love was straightforward: you were either in a relationship or you weren’t. Amos Oguntade, a school principal, affirmed this report. “I don’t see why you should jump into a ditch of uncertainty all in the name of finding love. Worse is this generation believes they’re so woke. The irony baffles me at times.” He added.
Similarly, Odubela Barnabas, a 47 year-old banker shared that the development, howbeit evolving rapidly, is not surprising to him. “It’s an epidemic. I have peers at my workplace that are involved in situationships, some married, most of them, single. The confusion is no respecter of ages but I feel they can do better.” he stated.
But younger people see things differently. Life itself feels uncertain with the scarcity of jobs, pending ‘japa’ plans and the uncertainty of the future.
In that context, a situationship is less about avoiding love and more about adapting love to reality. It’s companionship that bends with the times. The science does not lie as survey data says it clearly: The West African Youth Survey (2024) found that 68 per cent of Nigerian Gen Z (ages 18–26) now prefer situationships over traditional relationships.
A phase or the future?
Are situationships just passing youthful experiment, or quite frankly, the future of romance?
The jury is still out. Some argue they’re unsustainable eventually, as people crave clarity and commitment. Others believe they reflect a permanent shift; love redefined by growth and change, economy as well as self-awareness.
Ifeoma believes they’re here to stay. “Our generation just doesn’t like labels. We want freedom. Even when they marry, I think some people will still treat it like a situationship. We often hear of open marriages these days too. So what’s the difference?” she remarked.
But Hassan disagreed. “Deep down, think everyone wants stability. Situationships are just a way of buying time until we’re ready. Once I am ready, I know I would settle down with someone that I love and loves me.” he shared.
Love on our own terms
The age of situationships might baffle and even frustrate traditionalists, but it reveals something important; change is constant however good or bad, and in this instance, younger people are not running from love, they’re reshaping it.
In great contrast to what it used to be, it is no longer a contract, instead, it is fluid and negotiable. Therefore, whether it lasts or fades, it reflects the courage of young people to insist that even in the uncertainty, they’ll love on their own terms.
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