By Thomas Mitchell

Copyright brisbanetimes

Oh no, a girl from my high school has taken to Facebook with the three most powerful words in the English language: Some Personal News. After three long years, countless ups and downs, so many laughs (and even more tears!), she and her husband can finally announce … they’re doing a renovation.

Based on the 89 comments – all of which are some variation on OMG! Congrats guys! – this is an important update and I should probably throw them a like or a house emoji, perhaps? Thankfully, I can stay up to date with the renovation on their specially designed Instagram page, which promises “daily updates from our wild ride!”

Unfortunately, there is no time to digest how I feel about this news because a guy I met briefly in an airport lounge two years ago wants me to know he has started a wellness podcast (and I must watch this space). Oh, and my cousin is beginning a new chapter at a consultancy firm. And did I mention that a friend of a friend, who I forgot to unfollow, has just picked up their new dog? An adorable cavoodle introduced to the world in the only way that seems appropriate: Some. Pawsonal. News!

Welcome to the exhausting world of announcement culture, where, on any given day, on every corner of the internet – from Facebook to Instagram, X to LinkedIn – someone, somewhere, is announcing something.