Copyright Forbes
It’s one of those tricky moments at work that no one prepares you for. A new colleague joins the team, excited and curious, not yet realizing that the tension they will feel may come from more than just the people around them. It might be baked into the organization itself. You know what they’re walking into but do you say something or stay quiet and let them find out on their own? Almost everyone who’s been part of a toxic team or firm has faced this question. Maybe the manager plays favorites. Maybe people talk behind each other’s backs or smile while quietly undermining one another. You want to help, but you also don’t want to become part of the drama. It’s easier to stay silent. Saying nothing feels safer. But silence has a cost. When we don’t name the problem, it keeps recycling itself through new people. The dysfunction doesn’t heal; it multiplies. Still, there’s risk in honesty too. If your comment gets repeated, you could be seen as disloyal or negative. In unhealthy cultures, even good intentions can be punished. That’s why this decision is so complicated: speaking up can damage your safety, but saying nothing can damage someone else’s. The real question isn’t whether to warn them. It’s how to do it without poisoning their outlook—or your own reputation. MORE FOR YOU What Silence Really Protects Psychological Safety research has long shown that people speak up when they believe it’s safe to do so, and they stay quiet when they think it isn’t. In toxic workplaces, silence often becomes a survival strategy. People don’t stay quiet because they don’t care. They stay quiet because they’ve learned that truth-telling gets you hurt. But protecting yourself with silence usually means protecting the status quo. When new hires arrive without context, they assume the dysfunction is personal—something they’ve done wrong. That confusion eats away at their confidence. Soon, the same cycle repeats: frustration, withdrawal, and eventually burnout. You don’t have to blow the whistle to help. You just have to give them a sense of how things really work. The goal isn’t to gossip but to prepare. So instead of saying, “This team is toxic,” you might say, “There are a few strong personalities here, and it helps to understand how decisions actually get made.” That small shift—from judgment to guidance—can protect both of you. You’re not tearing anyone down; you’re giving someone a map. How to Prepare Without Passing on Bitterness There’s a fine line between warning and infecting. When you’ve been burned by a bad culture, it’s easy to project your own cynicism onto someone new. The challenge is to pass along wisdom, not weariness. Social Learning Theory explains that people learn workplace norms by watching how others are rewarded or punished. New hires notice quickly who speaks up, who gets ignored, and who gets credit. A few quiet pointers can help them see those patterns without having to stumble through the same mistakes. Rather than dump your frustrations, share lessons. You might say, “I’ve learned it’s best to share new ideas with Alex first—they usually help refine them before they reach the wider team.” You’re not warning them off anyone; you’re giving them insider knowledge to survive. Another approach is to offer yourself as a sounding board. Let them know, “If anything ever feels off, come talk to me.” Sometimes the most powerful help isn’t a warning—it’s an open door. If they begin to see the dysfunction for themselves, resist the urge to say, “I told you so.” It’s better to acknowledge reality while keeping perspective. Remind them that every workplace has flaws, and that seeing them clearly is a strength, not a defeat. Choosing Integrity Over Indifference Every organization has politics, but not every one has courage. What keeps toxic systems alive is not just bad behavior; it’s the quiet decision people make each day to look away. Telling a new hire the truth always carries risk. Yet silence carries a bigger one. When good people say nothing, the cycle continues. Leaders can set a different tone. When they acknowledge cultural problems openly and invite the team to help fix them, they replace secrecy with honesty. Teams that talk about dysfunction early have a far better chance of repairing it. The same moral tension appears far beyond corporate teams. In a recent article for Organization, Milena Tekeste wrote about answering manuscript revisions while in the middle of a medical procedure. That image captures how quietly destructive a culture can become when overwork is celebrated and silence is mistaken for strength. Tekeste, with whom I’ve coauthored research on how women in elite law firms negotiate flexible work, shows how people learn to equate worth with endurance. You’re not rewarded for honesty—you’re rewarded for coping. Her article exposes how dysfunction disguises itself as dedication. Early-career academics, like employees in toxic teams, keep going because stopping feels dangerous. They learn that voicing limits or naming exhaustion can cost them credibility. And the silence doesn’t stop there. Senior academics often see this happening—they recognize the exhaustion in their junior colleagues—but they say nothing. Some tell themselves it’s not their place to intervene; others quietly fear that acknowledging the problem might invite scrutiny of their own choices. The result is an ecosystem where everyone knows the system is broken, yet everyone keeps performing as if it isn’t. It’s the same pattern in many workplaces: people don’t burn out because they’re weak—they burn out because the environment tells them that being exhausted is proof of commitment. Every organization has its own version of “good enough,” the invisible rulebook that teaches people how to belong. When those rules reward compliance over conscience, silence becomes complicity. The real test of integrity isn’t how long you can endure the pressure—it’s whether you dare to speak when endurance stops feeling noble and starts feeling numb. Because once people start suffering in silence to seem good enough, the culture has already crossed the line from high performance to harm. In the end, silence may protect you for a moment, but it won’t protect anyone for long. Sometimes integrity means speaking softly but truthfully—offering enough light for someone else to see what’s ahead before they fall into the same dark corners you once did.
