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By Dr Pola Singh | Malaysia | I write this not as a marriage counsellor, but as a concerned Sikh—a father, grandfather, and community advocate—who sees the quiet heartbreak unfolding in our midst. Divorce rates are rising across all racial groups in Malaysia, and sadly, our Sikh community is not spared. With a population of just around 100,000 Sikhs in a nation of over 35 million, every broken home is a deep wound to our collective spirit. We must ask ourselves: Are we doing enough to prepare our couples for the realities of marriage? Too often, young couples enter marriage swept up in love, unaware of the emotional, financial and spiritual demands that lie ahead. The honeymoon fades, and the pressures of work, parenting and unmet expectations begin to take their toll. Misunderstandings arise. Tempers flare. And before long, the sacred bond begins to unravel. SEE ALSO: Mixed Faith Marriages: A Wound That Won’t Heal? SEE ALSO: Anand Karaj: A marriage ceremony with a difference Many young mothers are left to raise children alone—sometimes with little or no support. Mixed marriages, where one partner is Sikh and the other of a different faith, bring additional layers of complexity. Cultural and spiritual values may clash. And in cases where the wife is financially independent, she may choose to walk away rather than endure emotional or physical harm. This is not just a personal tragedy—it is a communal one. We Must Act—Before, During and After Marriage I urge our Gurdwara Committees to take the lead. Let us begin by discussing this issue openly in committee meetings. Let us acknowledge that something must be done—not to solve every problem overnight, but to take the first step toward healingand prevention. In the Christian faith, marriage counselling is a recognised and respected practice. Why not us? Why not now? Let us emulate this model and adapt it to our Sikh values. Let us offer a lifeline to couples before they reach the breaking point. Five Key Practices to Guide Us Forward Counselling Before, During and After Marriage Offer confidential counselling services at the Gurdwara. Encourage couples to seek help without fear or stigma. Embed spiritual guidance into the process—especially during the Anand Karaj ceremony, where the couple walks around the Guru Granth Sahib four times, each Laav symbolising a deeper spiritual bond. 2. Train a Core Group of Professionals Recruit volunteers committed to sewa (selfless service). Provide “train-the-trainer” programmes to equip them with counselling skillsand cultural sensitivity. 3. Ensure Accessibility and Inclusivity Services must be open to all—regardless of income, caste or background. Begin with in-person sessions and expand to online platforms and helplines. 4. Support Mental and Emotional Health Address the emotional toll of marriage, parenting and work-life balance. Include mental health support in counselling guidelines. 5. Raise Awareness and Reduce Stigma Use newsletters, sermons, and community events to promote the service. Equip counsellors to identify early signs of distress. Encourage couples to seek help early—before problems escalate. Infusing Spirituality into the Marriage Bond Recently, I attended a wedding at the Gurdwara Sahib Petaling Jaya (GSPJ), and during the advice sermon to the couple by Jasswant Singh, here are some of his words of wisdom. The Anand Karaj is not just a ritual—it is a roadmap for sacred partnership. Each of the four Laavan guides the couple from righteous living to divine union. He adds: “It is a reminder that marriage is not merely between two people, but between two minds that become one towards the journey of spiritual union.” “Let us help our couples understand this deeper meaning. Let us prepare them not just for the wedding day, but for the lifelong journey ahead.” A Pilot Project, A New Beginning Let us begin with a pilot programme in well-established Gurdwaras— PJ, Subang, Puchong—and expand from there. Let us build a framework, consult experts and move forward with humility and resolve. This is not the end—it is the beginning. I have taken the first step. I invite you—our Gurdwara leaders, our elders, our youth—to walk with me. Let us protect the sanctity of Sikh marriages. Let us offer hope, healing, and guidance. Let us do what is right. Dr Pola Singh, who retired as Maritime Institute of Malaysia director-general in 2011, is also the author of ‘Uphill — The Journey of a Sikh-Chinese Kampung Boy’ RELATED STORY: SWAN marriage course for Sikh couples – Feb 11, 2025 (Asia Samachar, 6 Dec 2024) ASIA SAMACHAR is an online newspaper for Sikhs / Punjabis in Southeast Asia and beyond. You can leave your comments at our website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We will delete comments we deem offensive or potentially libelous. You can reach us via WhatsApp +6017-335-1399 or email: asia.samachar@gmail.com. For obituary announcements, click here
