Copyright Bainbridge Review
Question: “I’m in middle school, and lately I’ve been feeling kind of lost. My hobbies have changed, and so have my friend groups. I’m not really hanging out with my old friends or family friends anymore, and it feels weird not having people I’m close to like before. I want to make new friends and find people who like the same things I do now, but it feels like everybody already has their friend groups and I’m just kind of on the outside. It also feels weird to try to join in or interfere with groups that are already tight. How can I build new friendships when everything feels so different and like I don’t quite fit in?” Answer: It’s normal to feel uncertain or lost during middle school. It’s a time of major growth and change. As your personality develops and your interests shift, it’s not uncommon to drift away from old friends. Not spending as much time with old friends can feel strange, especially when those relationships were once a big part of your life. But these changes are a natural part of growing up and becoming you. It’s common to feel like you’re on the outside looking in when it comes to friendships. Many people your age feel the same way, even if they don’t show it. Groups may seem tight-knit from the outside, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re closed off to new people. People in groups are often open to adding people, but are unsure how to invite them in. Building new friendships takes time, and it starts with small steps. If you notice someone who shares your interests – in a class, a club, or during lunch, try saying hello or asking a question. Simple things like making eye contact, smiling, or giving a compliment can start a conversation. Over time, these small moments may lead to deeper connections. (Joining clubs that align with your interests is a great way to meet people who share those interests.) It’s also important to remember that you’re not interrupting or interfering by trying to get to know others. Everyone is trying to figure out where they belong, and many people appreciate someone new joining in, especially when that person is kind, respectful, and genuine. It might feel intimidating at first, but showing interest in others and being willing to step outside your comfort zone are a part of making new friends. As you embark on this courageous journey, focus on being the kind of friend you’d like to have. Be a good listener, be supportive, and most importantly, be yourself. Trying to fit into a specific group by acting a certain way can be tempting, but real, lasting friendships are built on authenticity. When you stay true to your values and interests, you’re more likely to attract people who appreciate you for who you really are. Finally, remember that you don’t need to have everything figured out right away. Real friendships take time to grow. It’s okay to feel a little out of place during this process; that feeling won’t last forever, even though it may seem like it. Continue to be open, curious, and kind, and you’ll gradually find your place among people who make you feel comfortable and accepted. Middle school is a time of change, and it’s perfectly normal for things to feel uncomfortable. Be patient with yourself as you go through these changes. You’re not alone in this! You and your peers are all figuring out who you are, and that’s one of the most important and exciting parts of growing up. If you’re a youth or parent with a question, visit our website at askbys.org and click on “Ask a Therapist.” John Carleton is a licensed mental health counselor and therapist for Bainbridge Youth Services, which has a monthly column in this newspaper.
