Copyright BuzzFeed
Former Cult Members Are Sharing The "Wakeup Call" Moment When Alarm Bells Started Going Off In Their Heads, And It's Chilling "I didn't get to make any choices on my own. I was completely unaware and cut off from the outside world. How we dressed was policed. Anyone who left was excommunicated." Reddit user carcony97 asked, "Former cult members — what was the exact moment you realized you were in a cult?" BuzzFeed Community members chimed in with their own experiences as well. Here are some things people bravely and candidly shared: Warning: Some stories in this post mention mental health struggles, sexual abuse, trauma, suicidal ideation, child abuse, and abortion. 1. "They made us write down our fears and would make us act them out. Don't like being alone? You're going to be left alone in a pit. Feel weak? Wonderful. You need to do the obstacle course during Hurricane Katrina. Kids were coming back with swamp feet. That's when I made the plan to leave. Someone in leadership found out. They told me I'd go to hell if I left. They also told me that when my mom arrived, I was to rip up the plane ticket and refuse to go with her. That was fun." —Hawt4teach 2. "I was raised in a cult that was started by my grandfather and was passed on to my father after my grandpa passed. It was wild. We went to a school run by the cult and could only interact with people within the organization. I wasn't allowed to interact with kids my age outside of the cult, so I didn't have a typical childhood. The leaders controlled every aspect of my life. The leaders had to approve our clothes, makeup, music, and everything. The most extreme case I can recall is that we weren't allowed to wear belts as they drew attention to our crotch area, and that would tempt the other gender into sexual thoughts. As one of the leader's children, I had to 'serve' the congregation. This meant any free time I had was spent cleaning or babysitting for others." "Since I grew up in it, I didn't even think anything was off until I went to a secular college and met my now spouse. He met my family one time and asked me if I had ever considered that I may be in a cult. I thought he was the 'crazy' one, but the more he talked to me about it, the more I realized that's what it was. Trying to leave was almost impossible, as I had to basically steal my birth certificate and social security card back. Afterwards, my family cut me off, and now I'm living my best life in this new world." —Anonymous 3. "When, in a public sermon, one of the leaders rhetorically asked those leaving where they would go and what they would do with their lives if they didn't have the true church in it. It made me realize how much of my life had been shaped around serving an organization that only cared about keeping me there so I could continue giving it money. That, and my recent discovery of some unsettling history the leadership had kept very quiet about. Where did I go and what did I do after leaving? Whatever I wanted to." —Flat-Statistician466 4. "When I was a teenager, my church hosted a week-long 'seminar' on 'basic life principles.' I remembered going to a week-long event as a child and doing lots of coloring pages while my parents were in meetings, but I didn't know what it was. Turns out it was Bill Gothard and the Institute of Basic Life Principles (see the Duggars and the doc Shiny Happy People). Suddenly, being homeschooled, all the extreme physical punishment, the 'don't ask questions, just trust and believe' mentality, and only being allowed to associate with church members made sense." —SubjectivelySatan 5. "My father said, 'I will never have an open mind because God says that's how your brain falls out.' Where the hell does it say that?! Also, he is a bigot, so empathy is a sin to him." —thatfernistrouble 6. "They didn't want you to go to college because you would be led astray by Evolution. I went to college and they taught me about cults." —Ncfetcho 7. "When they told me thinking for myself was 'prideful.'" —No_Track5647 8. "When the main pastor died, his son-in-law took over. He was not a pastor. He was a businessman. It later came out that he was very crooked. He'd already been in prison, which all the adults in the church claimed was a setup by the government. He used the church to set up more MLMs, selling everything from vitamins to green tea to his shitty photography. My brother and I pretty much stopped being a part of it after college, but we couldn't convince our parents to leave. Even after the head of the church was found dead under really strange circumstances, and his kids went to prison (one went into hiding), our parents stayed. Their whole social life was with other members." "As much as I tried, my mom just said they would all face judgment before God, and she continued to do her mission work until her dying day. It really makes me sad that my parents were very smart people, yet really naive, and sacrificed their entire lives for these crooks." —nyutnyut 9. "I was in a cult. Our goal was to travel the world for a year, telling people about the Christian God in each country. I should have recognized the signs, but I wanted so badly to be a 'good Christian.' They wanted us to speak in tongues and raise the dead. It was seen as less than if we spent the month hanging out with orphans and helping out. We must not be good enough, since no one's arm grew back. We told people they were going to hell despite them living in it daily in the slums and hardships of their daily lives. Early on, I started questioning what we were doing, and I was seen as a black sheep, the scarlet letter. They tried evangelizing me and treating me like a scab. I was constantly in meetings to shame me back to faith. A girl was sexually assaulted, and they treated it like it was her fault. She left, and I wish I had left with her. After the trip, I left the church and never looked back." —Anonymous 10. "I was at a band rehearsal and dropped to the floor, all but screaming in pain from what turned out to be gallstones, and instead of calling an ambulance for me, they started praying over me, some in tongues. They were physically restraining me to stop me as I struggled to get up to leave because one person suggested that wanting to leave meant I was possessed, so they had to pray harder for me." —wwaxwork 11. "I was 14 or 15 and at church, we were learning about 'God's plan' — the whole shebang from behind the veil to after death. I asked the teacher a question (I can't even remember what it was) and she said, 'Huh, that's a great question! I'll talk to the bishop and see if you're allowed to ask that!' I could tell she didn't mean to phrase it that way, but she didn't correct herself either. I was pissed, though. I should be ALLOWED to ask whatever questions I want (and I expect you to have an answer of SOME kind), and if you don't think I should be questioning something, I'm going to question everything." —stravacious 12. "When they sat me in a circle of women and told me how bad a single parent I was for not making all the meetings with a six-month-old. My scorpion blood ran hot, and I made all of them cry individually with what I knew about them. Last meeting I ever attended." —No_Competition_7506 13. "I worked at a prominent national youth organization that engages common cult practices as part of their culture: love-bombing, prominent uniforms, trauma bonding, conforming to unrealistic standards or face consequences, etc. The final straw for me was when one group member SA'ed another. When the victim told me, our leader decided not to report it, but instead brought everyone involved to talk about it and better understand each other. Absolutely not. We worked with youth; it was our job as mandatory reporters. When I pushed back, I was ultimately fired, which was great for me to break away from the control." —Anonymous 14. "It was through one of those new-age 'Angelic Reiki Healing' businesses. I was going to this place for over a year for mental health issues. The former 'mentor' convinced me to go off my antidepressants. I felt horrible and had daily suicidal ideations. In the next session, I told her I was going back on them, and she responded, 'They block you from your higher self.' Shortly after, I left that place. It fractured my identity, and I had to reclaim myself." —WhereIsMyCuppaTea 15. "When my grandmother told me that men can have four women, but I couldn't have four men. That's when I decided I did not want to be part of that. To be fair, I was never really inside the cult. But this part ensured that I immediately lost my interest in ever becoming part of that cult." —MoppeldieMopp 16. "I joined a cult on December 4, 2007, and left it on May 23, 2008. It was an extremely controlling Christian group. One of their rules was to ask God what to do before every decision and wait for him to answer before acting. I mean everything — even going to the bathroom, which toilet to use if there were more than one, when to wash your hands, and when to leave. It didn't take long for things to get extreme. Most of its leaders left when the founder and his right-hand man began using this rule to justify their own laziness and corruption. They claimed that God wanted them to sit back and watch some adult content while a handful of others were doing all the physically demanding work." "During the backlash, they plagiarized movies like 300 and The Matrix in their speeches to condemn those who left and keep the ones who were still in it. I left after hearing this news and seeing how pathetic they really were. They're still around today. I just don't know what became of them." —hypnoticbacon28 17. "When everything anyone outside of the group believed was considered 'demonic.'" —Kay_Doobie 18. "I left after visiting their headquarters and being given a guided tour, which was just one closed door after another, and then being given the cold shoulder for not wanting to take a picture with the rest of the tour group (all strangers). Plus, seeing some of the leaders of the organization lie under oath in court about child abuse." —FriendliestParsnip 19. "I had been asking a lot of questions. I ended up being pulled aside by several deacons who wanted to talk to me about my questions. They were kind and nice, but eventually, I had a one-on-one with one of the church elders. We had an interesting conversation on theology, frameworks of thought, and ideology. Even philosophy. At one point, when we started addressing the questions I had, he asked me if I knew what the first sin was. I gave the usual catechism answer of disobedience. He praised my answer and corrected me. He said the first sin was when they questioned God, as it led to the notion that they might know better. That led to disobedience." "Interesting answer, I suppose. But alarms started going off in my head. 'Are you saying it is a sin to ask questions?' I asked. 'It can be, yes.' He said. That was the first real crack in the dam. It was destroyed not long after." —VagusNC 20. "When everything seemed like it was for the benefit of the group and its image. Any effort to speak up for myself was dismissed." —Appropriate-Trade773 21. "I backed away slowly because I learned things that made me question what I had been taught as fact, but I maintained relationships with close friends and saw them outside of the community for a year or two. It wasn't a religion, but there was a spiritual component to it, so I wanted to respect others' beliefs, though I knew it wasn't for me anymore. This is something that isn't frequently or unilaterally considered a cult (though many former members call it that). Still, the behavior of certain groups of people in specific areas absolutely aligns with cult characteristics, and that culture had overtaken my particular community." "I thought I had enough in common with friends outside of this one thing that we could still connect. One person, someone highly educated who otherwise had strong critical thinking skills, asked with curiosity where I was coming from. After confirming that she actually wanted to hear (because she probably wouldn't like my response), I calmly and respectfully laid out all the things I knew to be true that directly conflicted with archaic and harmful dogma within this community. I reiterated that no longer participating felt right for me, but I was not saying anyone else needed to do the same. This woman flipped her absolute shit. She screeched loudly in a public space and got angry and defensive, calling me 'crazy' and saying other disrespectful things. I'm sad for her, but I'm too old and tired to deprogram anyone unwilling to consider reality, so I got my stuff and walked away. I miss some of my friends, but I don't miss that community even the slightest bit." —itsamereddito 22. "I became involved with the charismatic Christian movement in Florida during the '70s. At first, it was a very positive and uplifting experience that I credit with saving me from suicide, but the movement devolved into a cultish form of Christianity known as shepherding, in which church authority regarding ALL aspects of your life was never to be questioned. This was also the era of the 'health and wealth' gospel, which gave birth to the mega churches. This doctrine purported that God wants you healthy and wealthy, and if you are neither, it's all your fault because your faith is lacking. What was truly lacking was the integrity of those 'leaders' who grew wealthy on the generous donations of countless believers who were taught that if they gave enough, it would come back to them 100-fold." "To add to the negative side of the scales, these groups are also openly and rabidly hostile to anyone 'different' to them, in particular the LGBTQ+ community. Hardly the selfless and humble example of Jesus's love they purport to follow." —Anonymous 23. "When I realized it wasn't normal to screen other kids' religious views before deciding who I could be friends with." —Grimesy2 24. "It's the lingering effects for me. I left behind the evangelical ideology literal DECADES ago, and, even through all of my efforts at deprogramming, and the reemergence of my logical mind and critical thinking skills, I'm sometimes still just a little bit scared of Satan coming for my soul, or God's punishment of me or someone I care about. This shit runs DEEP, y'all." —Anonymous 25. "When the surprise junior high youth group activity meant hustling us all, boys and girls, into a room together to be shown an extremely graphic film of an abortion being performed. No context, no warning, just straight to the action. It was 1979, and most of us CHILDREN had never even heard of abortion at that point in our lives. The church elders gave zero shits about the trauma they were inflicting. They just wanted to push their agenda." —FacePunchPow5000 26. "When I told someone (about three years after the group folded due to finances) how I grew up. I didn't get to make any choices on my own. I was completely unaware and cut off from the outside world. How we dressed was policed. Anyone who left was excommunicated. They said, 'Oh my god, you were in a cult!' When that's all you know and you're born into it like I was, the reality of your situation is clouded...on purpose." —idasrogue 27. "I am not sure I was officially a part of a cult, but over the years of being involved with charismatic churches, you can't help but look back and wonder about some of the practices and teachings. The last place I left was an Assembly of God church, and the college ministry had a cult-like following for the leader, and he was following a man who was a known pedophile. College students were told he was like an angel and affectionately called Papa Daniel. He was molesting and indoctrinating college students, who were in turn having group masturbation sessions before Bible studies. I haven't been able to go back to church in over a year because of the trauma and distrust of leaders." —Anonymous 28. "When my friend looked up my church on the internet then sent me an article about how my church kidnapped and murdered people in its originating country." —autumn-sucks 29. And: "When I was in middle school, we could become a full church member. But the only way to do that (at least until you were 18) was to do the youth group, culminating in a theme park trip. All was well and good, except the theme park trip was mandatory and cost $400. My parents had five kids and couldn't afford $400 for each of us. And the name badges for Sunday service were different if you weren't a full member. And that's when I started paying attention. All religions are cults, to one degree or another. They are all toxic and harmful. Just look at how many wars have been fought over religion! Note: Faith or spirituality is not synonymous with religion. But if you are expected to believe everything another human tells you, you are in a cult." —bianca1515 Were you in a cult? What inspired you to leave? Have you ever lost a loved one to a cult? Tell us your story in the comments or share anonymously using this form. Dial 988 in the United States to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
