By Monro Bryce

Copyright majorcadailybulletin

After a week when it was disclosed that women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do in front of women – they say the women are just too judgemental where, of course, men are just grateful – Real Mallorca coach Jagoba Arrasate is making headlines for all the wrong reasons as the team struggle. After just four games they find themselves second bottom of La Liga on one point with Atletico Madrid, our next opponents in Son Moix this Sunday (September 21) at 16:15 on match day five. If we don’t get a result against “Los Colchoneros” it could augur a performance like season 1983/84 when we didn’t win a game until match day 16.

Last Monday’s 3-2 defeat away at ten-man Espanyol was a bitter pill to swallow and the stats don’t lie. The hosts had only three shots on target and every single one found the net. Mallorca boasted statistics of 62.5% possession, 24 shots to Espanyol’s 9, and 9 corners to three. Their goalkeeper made eight crucial saves and our ’keeper Leo Roman didn’t make any. Monday night’s game was a missed opportunity for Mallorca against an Espanyol team who have been yo-yoing between La Liga and the second division over the past decade. Real Mallorca are showing numerous problems at all levels, both on and off the pitch, and these are not good signs this early in the season.

At the moment it’s our defence that’s causing most worry, conceding nine times in four games. As usual when the Palma side have bad results, the doom and gloomers take centre stage. In all fairness, we’ve had a really tough fixture list when we’ve had to play sides much better than us. Also to be taken into consideration are our new additions who take time to adapt. After Sunday’s upcoming game, things on paper look easier (famous last words !) with home games against Alaves, Levante, Getafe, Osasuna, Elche and Girona.

Arrasate’s had a torrid start to the season, especially with the off-the-pitch shenanigans regarding Dani Rodriguez. I feel sorry for the coach, his job is hard enough on the pitch without the added stress of a club veteran throwing his toys out of the pram. But Arrasate’s time here hasn’t pulled up any trees. In 2025, Mallorca has managed only four wins in nine and a half months and most of those sides were not from the top half of the table. Mallorca have only been able to win this calendar year in La Liga against three sides, two relegated in May (Las Palmas and Valladolid) plus against Espanyol this May.

From January 1, 2025 to this month, we’ve played 25 competitive games, 23 in La Liga, one in the Cup (a 3-0 defeat at Pontevedra in January), and the disastrous Super Cup in Saudi Arabia, with a record of four wins, seven draws and no fewer than 14 defeats, three of them coming since the new season started in August. Any other coach/manager with these poor results would have his coat on a shoogly (Scottish for shaky!) peg and heading for the exit door – except perhaps Ruben Amorim at Man. Utd ! With all that’s going on, the hierarchy apparently aren’t pushing the panic button and there’s no thought about Arrasate being sacked. Football is a results business and at the moment we’re not getting any.

Sunday’s game against Atletico Madrid isn’t going to be easy despite them having made a bad start to the season. They’ve spent nearly 200 million euros on new players this Summer in a bid to keep up with the big two who are six and seven points above them. Atleti can’t let these two big teams get any further away from them so Sunday’s game is a must for them. They put up a valiant effort in the Champions League on Wednesday night before going down 3-2 to Liverpool.

Their goalkeeper Jan Oblak will be making his 501st appearance for them and before the game there will be on-pitch events as part of extended Mallorca Day celebrations. Mallorca mustn’t make their usual mistakes against the big boys and sit back and let Atleti run all over us. Our striker Vedat Muriqi looks back to his best and must see loads of the ball. And hopefully his job will be made that bit easier with Arrasate picking two wingers.

Arrasate was given another headache on Wednesday night when it was announced that our 19-year-old winger Jan Virgili has been called up for Spain’s Under 20s World Cup team. The competition takes place in Chile between September 27 and October 19. That means that the youngster will miss five games for Mallorca and will be away for a month.

MARCO BACK TO HIS ROOTS?

One of Real Mallorca’s famous footballing sons is 29-year-old Marco Asensio from El Toro in Calvia. He recently signed a very lucrative three-year contract at Turkish giants Fenerbahçe. After a brilliant career at Real Mallorca, Real Madrid and PSG, he’s now about to assume the financial side of Magaluf club Platges de Calvia alongside his brother Igor, who will manage the day to day running of the club, who play in the second division of RFEF. The Asensio family name will now be part of the new board of directors. I still hold out hope that one day Marco winds down his illustrious career back home in the Son Moix.

AND FINALLY, a father buys an AI lie detector robot that’s trained to slap people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon and the son tells him “I did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son says “OK, OK, I was at a friend’s house watching down-loaded movies.” Dad asks him “What movie did you watch ?” “Kung Fu Panda 3,” the son replies. The robot slaps the son. “OK, OK, we were watching porno.” Dad exclaims “What ? You’re way to young. When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mum laughs and comments “Well, there’s a thing, he certainly is your son.” The robot slaps the mother !