“Your grief is our grief,” Governor Gretchen Whitmer said in a press conference today about the attack on Latter-day Saints worshipping in Michigan.
Yesterday morning, as I sat in my own ward building in Utah, I began to weep as I saw the news of the shooting and fire in my mother’s hometown — a place my grandparents, my aunts, uncles and cousins have loved for many years alongside their ward family.
I had been in this building with my mother and grandparents on many occasions. This was a place of love, refuge, peace and security, as we partook of the Sacrament of the Lord’s supper and prayed with ward members there.
Here in Utah, I was in my own ward on Sunday, with my own ward family, doing the same. Our hearts are connected.
For members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints our religious communities, known as wards, become our families. We worship Jesus Christ together, sing hymns together, celebrate Christmas and Easter together.
We date each other, attend each other’s funerals, throw baby and bridal showers. We sing and dance and mourn together.
Our families marry each other’s children. We become literal family. We serve each other. In fact, it was the members in my mom’s ward in Flint, Michigan, that saved up enough money to provide a scholarship for her to attend BYU where she met my father. It was the same ward in Flint my mom and dad moved back into when they desperately needed help a few years later. They knew they could call on their ward family.
After giving birth to my oldest sister, my mom had 5 miscarriages and was told that she would have no more children. Upon becoming pregnant again, my parents dropped out of school at BYU. They sold all they had and went back to Flint, Michigan, to have the support of my mom’s immediate family as well as her ward family.
My mom flew on the plane with my 2-year-old sister, while my dad drove all day and night to meet her there with a truck of belongings. Due to bad weather, the plane was routed to the Chicago O’Hare Airport.
Feeling terribly ill, on the verge of another miscarriage, distraught and flying on her own, my mom leaned herself against the wall and slid down to a sitting position with my whimpering sister, wet with urine, sitting on her lap.
An older, humble, kind, unknown gentleman came to her and asked how he could help. He held my soaked sister against his suit, gave her gum, and miraculously got my mom on the next flight out to Michigan.
My parents went to the local ward building in Flint to watch a satellite broadcast from the church after my mom was healed. My mom could not believe that the man who helped her at the airport and got her on the flight to Flint was the man speaking, in an official church capacity. It was Elder Spencer W. Kimball, an apostle in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Now, she watched him from her place of security in the Flint Michigan ward building. She was home.
My parents stayed in Michigan for a while. My dad taught school in Flint until my mom’s health improved enough to return to school at BYU. All the while, my mom cheered for her Michigan teams, sang her Michigan songs, talked with her Michigan friends, and spoke so highly of her Michigan home and family.
Upon returning home from church yesterday, I called each of my aunts who were born and raised in Flint to check-in. My Aunt Peggy Jeffries, through her tears expressed, “Our hearts are aching for our family in Michigan. We are praying for everyone there and all those around the area. Even though they are so far away, these are my friends. This is our family. We do not know yet who has been killed and injured, but we are praying and hurting and mourning. Our hearts are aching.”
My Aunt Mary expressed in sincerity the possibility of those who had previously passed beyond the veil from Michigan being there to comfort and protect those in the tragedy — including potentially our own angel mom and dad and my grandparents — as well as President Russell M. Nelson himself.
“I could hardly function during Relief Society after hearing of the shooting and fire in my home ward,” my Aunt Barbara Robins expressed. She continued, “We want our family in Michigan to know that we care and love them. Our hearts are with them. We are mourning with those who are mourning and praying for comfort for those in need of comfort. We mourn so naturally and easily with them because we are a part of each other…. This is our family. This is our faith.”
Our prophet, who passed away just hours previous to this incident, reminded us in his final general remarks, “As followers of Jesus Christ, we should lead the way as peacemakers.” He instructed that, “As charity becomes part of our nature, we will lose the impulse to demean others. We will stop judging others. We will have charity for those from all walks of life.”
He then invited us to “plead with our Heavenly Father to fill our hearts with greater charity — especially for those who are difficult to love — for charity is a gift from our Heavenly Father for true followers of Jesus Christ. The Savior is the Prince of Peace. We are to be his instruments for peace.”
My Aunt Barbara reminded me that as God-fearing people, regardless of our faith tradition, “we need to stop condemning any religion. We need to speak positively about other religions, other faiths, other people, regardless of their beliefs.
“If we are talking negatively about or sharing a negative philosophy about any people, please, please, stop. It’s time for that to end. People are dying, and we are mourning.”
For me personally I cannot help but think of the strength of these ward members and this family net that reaches beyond wards and cities and stakes to the world. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are a family web. We are connected through our love of each other and thus for the entire human race.
I remember when one of the head Navy chaplains asked why it was that in the battlefield, chaplains from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints uniquely treat everyone, even the enemy, as if they are family, like brothers and sisters. We responded, “Because they are.” As our prophet Joseph Smith declared, “I am bold to declare before Heaven that I am just as ready to die in defending the rights of a Presbyterian, a Baptist, or a good man of any other denomination.”
Why again? Because we are family.
Shortly before my mom passed away, we had a “family woman’s gathering in Michigan. My sisters, aunts, cousins and mom all came to enjoy the Great Lakes, reminisce, sing songs, play games, enjoy the sun and sand and water and just be with each other. The gathering appropriately ended on Sunday at Church, in Relief Society, in Michigan. We took a picture together to remember that which we hold dear, the Savior, each other, our faith, and our strength.
With my mother’s passing, I was concerned that I would lose contact with my dear family and friends in Michigan. Thankfully I have not. We really are family. In fact, just a few months ago I had the opportunity to speak in the Kirtland temple to women from multiple stakes in Michigan. While speaking to these women, it felt as if family from both sides of the veil were joined together in that sacred place. Some of the members there still remembered my mom and family.
One woman I met was the ministering sister to my aunt in Michigan. She kindly informed me that my aunt had taken a turn for the worse and unexpectedly ended up in the hospital instead of at the fireside. I was grateful to be able to visit my aunt the next day.
Who would have guessed that less than a month later, these same sisters that I spoke to that night would be preparing for and taking care of funeral arrangements for that same aunt who unexpectedly passed away less than a month later, in Michigan. It was a tender mercy for us to know that my aunt and our surviving family were being taken care of by our brothers and sisters in our ward families in Michigan.
Just this morning I received a text from one of the sisters in Michigan. She wrote simply, “Your family here in Michigan loves you.” We are connected.
Even while cheering for the BYU football team on Saturday night, I had the Michigan fight song playing in my head. My mom sang both! My mom loved her teams. The teams were symbolic of her family.
Oddly enough, my mom also cheered for the “opponent,” who somehow also became her team during the game. She praised all good catches, cheered on a good tackle, applauded a great throw, recognized a great band. Like my Mom, our family loves our Michigan family and recognizes, as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that we are all part of the same family.
I appreciated the forward looking perspective of Governor Gretchen Whitmer who on Monday declared, “We will see this congregation unite and rally together like never before and continue worshiping together, singing together and serving together because that’s who Michiganders are.”
We are worshipping, singing and serving right along with you.