By Charlie Sawyer

Copyright metro

Feminist tote back? Check. (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Ever found yourself scared and alone in the city, in desperate need of a tampon or a spare copy of Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’? Well, thankfully you’re in luck.

There is a new genre of man on the rise. He enjoys long walks on the beach, carries a tote bag with pride and regularly rocks a #feminist graphic t-shirt.

Meet the performative male.

What exactly is a performative male?

A performative male, or performative boyfriend, is a man who adopts a version of masculinity that’s been sold as attractive to the female gaze. He prefers iced coffee to hot, listens to Chappell Roan on repeat, and collects Labubus to give to his girlfriend.

The performative boyfriend invites all your closest girlfriends to date night and goes out of his way to learn how to make Tiramisu so that you can enjoy your favourite desert on Sundays.

He always sparks the same debate: is he a gem, or a master manipulator? Or perhaps he just a right old laugh who’s in on the joke.

There are thousands of videos online about this new trope, with every kind of content available from ‘how to’ guides to ‘performative male-themed birthday parties’.

London hosts its first ‘best performative male’ contest

Over the weekend, hundreds of scruffy men swarmed central London vying for top spot in a ‘best performative male’ contest.

Taking inspiration from the recent uptake in celebrity lookalike competitions that have gone viral on TikTok, the performative male contest saw contestants throwing bouquets of flowers and sanitary pads into the audience.

@hum4n_b3an Thank you @sonder ✿ the fun dating app for hosting such a fun event !! #performativemale #london #performative ♬ Juna – Clairo

@camzedonia Matcha, labubus, wired headphones, Oasis covers, and sanitary pads #performativemalecompetition ♬ son original – Pearlfection

Some participants whipped out musical instruments and serenaded the audience with acoustic versions of Taylor Swift ballads.

@itssophiemilner No but this was actually SO funny #performativeman #performativemale #london ♬ original sound – sophie milner 🍒

One video of the event soared to an impressive 30,000 likes with users leaving comments such as “I bet the Matcha business was booming that day” and “the summer I turned performative.”

Just a few weeks ago a similar event was hosted in New York. Hopeful contestants were seen holding personal copies of Michelle Obama’s autobiography and using the old school Apple headphones.

Metro meets the performative males

Metro’s Sarah Hooper popped down to this weekend’s event with two mates, ‘for a free laugh’, if nothing else.
‘After seeing the Charli XCX ‘Brat’-themed invitation on TikTok, we couldn’t resist – we are, after all, Gen Z,’ she says.
‘We couldn’t help but keep laughing at how so many others came down to witness a niche corner of internet culture, and cheered on each contestant loudly.

Performative males in the wild (Picture: Sarah Hooper)

‘The atmosphere was electric and absolutely absurd. The crowd cheered and screamed as if seeing a member of One Direction. Each round had a winner – the first being a tattooed man with tiny sunglasses, a tote bag, a rollie cigarette, a digital camera, and feminist literature. It felt as though we were at a school assembly where nobody could keep their laughter in, and kept egging each other on.
‘Some of the contestants appealed to the crowd, playing Clairo on guitar, throwing tampons and pads to screaming girls, and even throwing out snus.
‘It was an odd community gathering, but a fun one. Dozens of people sat down, drinking tinnies and laughing at the pure absurdity of what dating men in London has turned into.’

Is the performative male trope problematic?

While the narrative around performative males is pretty light-hearted, there has been some backlash from women who find this trend patronising.

Men like these have been put on a pedestal in society, celebrated for actively enjoying female-centric hobbies and aesthetics. All good fun, or yet another way to trivialise and mock the things women find interesting?

Either way, it’s important to ask whether these men are actually doing anything to help women. Are they speaking out against sexism and misogyny? Are they donating to charities combating period poverty? Or are they just hoarding tampons in their bags in the hope that their so-called valiance will get them laid? Intention and motivation change everything.

Lucy Beresford, a psychotherapist who specialises in relationships, tells Metro this is a conversation she recognises from discussions with her own clients:

‘I had a couple of clients talk about this in the run up to the end of term balls and the prom parties and people deciding who they wanted to have as their date,’ she says. ‘There was this big dissection of the classroom as to who was an authentic male and who was an inauthentic male.

‘People are really making decisions based on things like authenticity. Are you a bit of a fraud? Are you just putting this on to seduce or attract me? Or are you authentic? The problem with that is particularly when you’re dating, there is quite a lot of performance that goes on on both sides.’

Leading on from Beresford’s point, there have also been several men who feel as though this trope is too judgmental and is now vilifying men and unfairly labelling them.

Performative male starter pack

Tote bag – ideally with the lyrics to a Clairo song embossed on the front
A copy of The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
A string-based instrument, ideally a ukulele
Two to three #feminist graphic t-shirts
Low-waisted baggy jeans
A dainty necklace that grazes some well-groomed chest hair
A loyalty card to Blank Street Coffee.

One user on TikTok wrote: ‘So I can’t use my tote bag anymore without looking like I’m trying to manipulate women?’

Beresford offered up a more encouraging perspective: ‘Are they expanding what it means to be male? If you are a man and you have genuinely read all Sally Rooney’s books or you are really into Taylor Swift, does that actually mean that men are broadening their horizons?

‘I think we should be looking at this as a really positive development, because I don’t think they’re trivialising it. I think it’s about recognising that women are so confident and so much more assured of themselves nowadays, and I think a lot of men want a bit of that, they want to be like women now.’

Like so many other tropes we’ve seen go viral online, ratboys, girl bosses, and frog boyfriends, the performative male trend will likely fade with time. But if you do ever find yourself in desperate need of a period product, make friends with the guy sitting opposite you reading Frankenstein.