Copyright Inc. Magazine
I did caution that nothing is as responsible for the way we fondly remember those days (and the folks who were there) than a fading memory. Needless to say, for every one of us, those days weren’t all hearts and flowers. I was reminded of that column as I watched the moving new PBS documentary Fortunate Sons which is based primarily on one-on-one Zoom interviews and group Zoom sessions held throughout the pandemic by about 40 guys (all in their 60s) who were high school classmates starting in 1968 at the Harvard School in California. The trailer is a good intro to the full film which premiers in Chicago on November 6th. The Zoom conversations culminated in the group’s successful 50th reunion at the Harvard School and in some more informal festivities that were attended in person by almost all of the participants. The film captures the privileged backgrounds of the classmates, the insane societal changes going on during this tumultuous time and how the school itself was radically changed, and the very personal life experiences, revelations and honest admissions of the various class members. We see the sincere joy of old friends coming back together, new friendships being formed (even at what seems to be such a late date), and how liberating it can be to share with peers the past pains of family and foregone friendships without shame or anger or any of the limitations or discomfort that kept so many of these emotions, behaviors and concerns emotionally buried for decades. Every business builder, owner and operator I know will find plenty of familiar references and feelings in these conversations, and no one who watches the entire film will be unmoved or unable to find some comments valuable and applicable to their own situations. It’s worth your time to watch at a time when so few things are. One of the most striking aspects of the very frank conversations is the realization by everyone of exactly how little their family finances, social status, and connections did to prepare them for the times ahead or really help them in the journey. It really struck me that so few of the speakers had anything good to say about their parents. There were plenty of complaints about indifference, abuse, alcohol, suicides, infidelity and divorces, and insanely high expectations, but almost nothing about unstinting support, love and caring, or even encouragement to explore anything outside of their folks’ own experiences and comfort zones. One Harvard School alum said what he learned most from his mother was exactly what money can’t buy—like happiness. We hear constantly various fables about how determinative family matters are in entrepreneurial success—like being the eldest child—but it turned out for many of these folks that leaving home was the best thing they could do. Another interesting omission (which I think every entrepreneur should take note of) is that there’s almost no discussion about what any of these guys has been doing business-wise for the last 50 years. It’s like—as they reflected and looked back on their lives—the last thing they wanted to discuss or focus on were past business activities or successes. There were interesting notes about flameouts, addiction issues, and abrupt lifestyle and family changes, but very little about their own ventures. There’s a fair amount early on in the film about what studs and big deals their dads were but almost nothing about what the guys themselves built or accomplished other than—with the rarest of exceptions—the clear desire not to follow in their family’s footsteps. On the other hand, the matters that were front and center and obvious sources of pride and comfort were those they were doing now – charity work, teaching, helping with underprivileged kids, and addressing health and social issues. A desire to do something that mattered for the greater good. At the end of your career, the things you value the most (apart from family) are those you’ve done for and given to others. But clearly the most important thing to many of them (assisted often by therapy) was what they were doing now to reconnect with their own families and reach out to their kids and grandkids so they could make up for past sins of omission or otherwise, and, as one of the guys noted, enjoy the time they had left with the ones who mattered most. You learn typically too late in life that there’s always more work, but you only have one family. Your family is a much more important extension of yourself than any work you do. But the real takeaway for me from the film was the realization by so many of the attendees in looking back that their friends were the families that they chose for themselves and that, in some cases, it was these very friends who were important parts of the reasons they made it through some very tough times. You see the joy at getting back together and the sadness which is equally clear that so many years apart had passed, that so many chances to reconnect and build on prior times together had been lost, and that, while they were optimistic about the time they had remaining, they all realized that it was the last few innings of the ballgame. We all know what things we have, but we never know how much time we have left.
