You know, 2025 has been such a chill year so far that I’m sure everyone was thrilled to spend some time relaxing with an episode of television entirely about a bunch of men demanding that a woman prove she is a virgin with a series of barbaric, humiliating tests. Not at all impossible to watch without wanting to throw my TV at the wall, right?
When we learned last week that, thanks to a letter from the ever-charming Lord Lovat, Isaac Grant was demanding Ellen submit to a virginity test, excuse me — he wants to make sure her virtue is intact, isn’t that such a sweet way of putting it? — I knew Blood of My Blood would show some of this test. Outlander does love reminding us how much violence was (is!) perpetrated against women. I did not, however, think this virginity test thing would be the entire episode. “A Virtuous Woman” is both hard to watch and hard to look away from.
I’m still deciding whether or not it was necessary or simply laughable that Blood of My Blood worked so hard to show the audience that all the male characters we’re supposed to care about — Henry, Colum, Ned, Dougal, Malcolm — really hate that they have to do this to Ellen. Like, really hate it so much you guys. While all of them take some sort of stance, either vocally “wishing” they could do something to intervene or simply look away in shame during the test, none of them does anything to stop it. The man who is demanding it, Isaac Grant, isn’t even there because he’s too sick to make the journey. Sure, Arch Bug would really create a stir if someone called it off, but Malcolm has the most power in this situation, and if he had any spine, he would override his father’s decision for this woman, whom, as he tells Henry, he wants by his side when he becomes laird. He likes that she is outspoken and thinks differently from most other women and he trusts her completely. He knows her virtue is intact. He worries she’ll never forgive him for this. He has Henry chat up Ned to pass that sentiment along and eventually he even goes to Ellen before the test to tell her how sorry he is. It’s nice and Malcolm is definitely going to lose his shit when he finds out he’s been fooled by Ellen all this time, but it would be even nicer if he actually put his foot down on this one. He does not.
Nor do Ellen’s brothers. Dougal actually doesn’t seem to care either way. He views this as a win-win — if Ellen is proven innocent, that’s cool. If they discover she’s not a virgin, well at least they won’t have to deal with Loyalist in-laws. I mean, we know Dougal is an asshole, but I’m really going to need Ellen to put him in his place one of these days. Colum isn’t much better. Ned has to continuously remind him that Ellen not being a virgin would be bad because the Grants would kill her, not because it would be scandalous for Clan MacKenzie. Ned is clearly the most disgusted by the whole situation, he cares deeply for Ellen, but he has the least amount of power here. Henry also obviously doesn’t enjoy this to-do on his list of responsibilities, and he does try to persuade Malcolm to stand up for himself, but he has ulterior motives: He’s trying to make Malcolm an ally so that he can escape Clan Grant. That guy has a lot on his mind, anyway.
There is one man who takes action, though. It is, of course, Brian. The moment he hears what Ellen is going to be subjected to, he decides he is headed to Castle Leoch to put a stop to it, even though it will surely mean death. He’s going to rescue his wife, he declares! I guess we know where Jamie gets his Wife Guy Energy from.
Davina tries to stop her son, knowing this is a suicide mission, but he loves her, he says. And she’s not a virgin because of him. He feels responsible. He knows what they’ll do to her if she fails this test. Oh, and you can probably guess because the whole idea of a virginity test is abhorrent and also ridiculous for so many reasons, including basic biology — not all hymens are the same, a whole bunch of things can tear them, and it cannot really tell you if someone’s had sex or not — but these tests are highly inaccurate! If you hadn’t realized that, I’m sure you did the moment the Grant physician arrived with his supervisor, a priest.
Anywho, Brian isn’t the only one who springs into action. The minute Julia hears what Brian and Davina are arguing about, she wants to help. Enter the Trotula, basically an ancient women’s health encyclopedia. Among other info in that text, women have been subjected to virginity tests for centuries (and still are, in case you need more to be enraged about!) and have needed ways to beat that test regardless of their sexual status. Julia knows a little concoction she can make that is supposed to constrict and tighten the skin after it’s applied, thus faking that her hymen is intact. It’s honestly better than another suggestion in the Trotula that involves putting a leech on your labia to create a scab that will then bleed when you have sex. Being a woman is so fun!
Julia is adamant that she helps Brian. This is a big deal because now that Julia knows where Henry is and since we’ve learned that Lord Lovat is going to be out of town in Aberdeen washing his balls in special spa waters or something, this would be the perfect time for her to make her escape. Brian doesn’t want to take that opportunity away from her. Julia refuses to take him up on that offer. She is the only one who can get in and out of Castle Leoch without being noticed and she promises Davina that she will protect her son. Davina promises to protect William while she’s gone. I’m still loving this new friendship, by the way.
They reach Leoch just in time. Julia demands Brian wait in the basement cellar lest he lose his head or something. Brian can hardly stand it, but he does it knowing that if he’s discovered it would be bad news for both him and Ellen. Julia finds Ellen and Mrs. Fitz, who, as you can imagine, is beside herself with worry for the Lady MacKenzie, and explains that she’s there to help. There’s still a risk it won’t work, but Ellen is grateful to her (and Brian, who she knows is involved in this rescue mission).
And then there is the actual test. The first test: they make Ellen drink a bunch of stuff, and then she has to hold her pee. (Fluids run freely when you’re a whore, you know.) Then when they say she’s allowed to pee, that has to be crystal clear. All of this, by the way, is done in the middle of the Great Hall in front of all the aforementioned men, plus Arch Bug, just to add another friendly face to the proceedings. The only woman in the room with her, in fact, is Mrs. Fitz. While that part is humiliating — even though Ellen puts on a brave face, she isn’t going to let them break her — the final test, in which the physician inspects the hymen, is torture to watch. As strong as Ellen is, even she can’t help but let a few silent tears out as she’s examined. Thankfully, it doesn’t take too long for these men to decide she is “virgo intacta” or, her virtue is intact. She makes sure to give her brothers, who offered her zero support throughout this whole thing, a nice long staredown as she exits the hall. The MacKenzies and the Grants look forward to setting the date for the wedding ceremony.
There is one silver lining in this whole ordeal. And it’s a big one. In case you didn’t put it together, Henry and Julia are both in Castle Leoch at the same time. After Julia says goodbye to a grateful Ellen, she makes a break for the cellar. On her way, she hears Henry saying his goodbyes to the MacKenzies. And suddenly, they are standing there, staring at one another. Henry thinks he’s losing his mind. He’s seeing a ghost. She beckons for him to follow her somewhere private, and until he puts his hand on her face, he can’t believe it’s real. “Hope springs eternal,” she tells him to let him know it’s really her. Honestly, I thought there would be much more tears, but I’ll take a breathy, I can’t believe this is really happening kiss. By the time she tells him about the baby, Brian appears to tell her that they need to leave now, it’s not safe. And just like that, they are parted again. She tells him she’s at Castle Leathers but begs him not to go there. They’ll find their way back to one another. Again and again. Always. There’s no way a real reunion or an escape is going to be easy, but what a relief that they now both know the other isn’t far.
Clan Business
• Upon their departure, Henry receives a letter: Isaac Grant has died. Malcolm is now laird of Clan Grant. It’s nice that Henry doesn’t have to deal with that guy anymore, but Malcolm now views Henry as an indispensable ally and wants him to continue working for him. Leaving Clan Grant is going to be a problem.
• Ohhh what’s going to happen to Arch Bug now that the only person who wants him around is dead?
• Lord Lovat leaves for Aberdeen’s healing waters believing his little plan to thwart a MacKenzie/Grant alliance is going to work. He’s going to be so pissed when he learns what’s happened. Let’s hope he doesn’t take it out on anyone we care about.
• When Ellen thanks Julia for her help, she says that she is “eternally indebted” to her. Is this another clue that Brian and Ellen are going to protect baby William? It’s certainly one way to pay a debt like that.
• Just as Brian and Julia are fleeing the castle, Mrs. Fitz finds them and gives Brian a parting gift: The tartan from his handfast with Ellen. She tells him that if he really loves Ellen, he’ll leave her alone. That’s gotta sting!