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It sounds like something straight out of a midnight Nollywood script, but it happened right here — in Nkhotakota. A whole owl — yes, kadzidzi yemwe amangokhalira kuwomba mphuno usiku — was arrested by police on Monday morning after being found inside a man’s house in Phangwa Village. The feathered suspect had apparently carried with it two handwritten love letters, one reading “Undipatse mwamuna wanga” and the other “Iwe Thom, nabwera ine, tiye tizipita, ntchitoyi tikugwilira limodzi.” Ladies and gentlemen, the owl was in its feelings. Residents say the creature was caught red-winged, looking suspiciously romantic and unbothered, like a witchcraft postman on night duty. Police whisked it away to the station — perhaps to record a statement, though one wonders whether they had an interpreter fluent in “hoo-hoo.” But that’s where things turned from spooky to spectacular. After spending over 12 hours behind bars — alive and, we assume, still glaring — the owl reportedly escaped. Yes, the same owl that was being “investigated” allegedly broke free in the dead of night and was last seen flying toward the Chazi River, not far from the police station. One officer, whispering to Nyasatimes under strict anonymity (and possibly with holy water nearby), said, “Kadzidziyo anatuluka yekha, sitikudziwa kuti anatsegula bwanji.” You read that right — the bird opened its own cell. When our reporters reached the Nkhotakota Police spokesperson, Paul Malimwe, he simply said, “Sindikufuna kuyankhula pa nkhaniyi pakadalipano.” Translation: “No comment until we figure out how a bird just pulled off the great escape.” Meanwhile, curious residents flocked (pun intended) to the Chazi River hoping to catch a glimpse of the fugitive owl, but all they found were ripples — and perhaps goosebumps. Back at Phangwa Village, the owner of the house where the owl was discovered has maintained he has no idea who sent it or what celestial Tinder message it was trying to deliver. “We are all shocked,” he said. “We thought maybe someone was pranking us — until police came.” Social media has since exploded with theories. Some say the owl was a witch gone wrong, others swear it was a messenger from a jilted lover seeking revenge, while a few insist it’s just a bird that stumbled into the wrong address with the wrong stationery. Either way, the people of Nkhotakota are now sleeping with their windows closed — and their hearts confused. As for the owl, sources say it may be forming a new delivery company called Kadzidzi Express: Love Letters by Night. Stay tuned — because in Malawi, even an owl can trend before sunrise.
