Copyright thenationalherald
Dear Stavroula, I am 73 years old and have a 45-year-old son. In the last two years, our relationship has deteriorated, mainly due to finances. When my wife died, I sold a property and gave him a significant amount of money to help him start his own business. At first, everything was going well, but the business didn’t go as he expected and now he is struggling financially. A few months ago, he asked me again for money to cover some debts. I told him that I can’t give him any more because I want to put something aside to feel secure in my old age. Since then, his behavior has changed. He answers my phone calls coldly, doesn’t come to see me, and when we talk, he accuses me of not supporting him like a father should. I understand that he is going through a difficult time, but I am afraid to spend the little I have. Every time I try to talk to him, he starts yelling and the conversation ends. I don’t know how to make him understand that he’s not being wronged. Dear George, What you describe is a very common but deeply painful dilemma for many parents: how to support their child when he’s struggling, but without jeopardizing their own safety and dignity. Finances, especially within the family, are connected to feelings of care, responsibility, and love – but also to boundaries, independence, and the right of everyone to feel safe. In your case, your refusal probably touched something deeper in your son. He may feel like a failure that his business didn’t go the way he wanted, and his need for financial help may also be connected to his need to feel that you still believe in him. When you say “I can’t give,” he may hear it as “I don’t want to help you” or “you’re not worth taking a risk for,” even if that’s not your intention. To bridge this gap, a calm, personal conversation is needed, free from tension. You can explain to him that your decision is not about your love or support for him, but about your desire to ensure that you can live with dignity in your old age. Acknowledge that he is going through a difficult time and show understanding for how frustrated or stressed he may be. At the same time, suggest alternative forms of support: help him find ways to settle his debts, put him in touch with people who could provide him with professional opportunities, encourage him to seek professional advice on managing his business or finding new sources of income. This way, you show that you are present and active in his life, without undermining your own financial stability. If you can talk in a climate of mutual respect, there is hope that trust can be rebuilt and the intimacy that has now been lost can be restored. The goal is not only to resolve the financial issue, but to rediscover the human bond that unites you.
