By Thor Stenhaug

Copyright metro

The idea of becoming a couple was never even on the table for my parents – but they made the unusual decision to raise me together, says Thor (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

‘Mum, did you and Dad have a one-night stand?’

I was 13 years old, sitting at the dinner table. Up until then, I had – for some reason – always thought that my parents split up when I was two.

But now, I was putting the pieces together.

I’d realised I have no memories of my parents as a couple, there are no pictures of the two of them being lovey-dovey, and – crucially – prior to my question, Mum had just told me that they met on a night out.

Mum looked at me and smiled. ‘I wouldn’t say it was a whole night.’

My parents met in Norway on a summer night in the 90s; Mum was a postgrad student and Dad was in the air force.

I don’t know much about that evening. Only that they drank a lot, Dad told my mum he had a six-pack, and they ended up back at the army academy where Mum discovered he definitely did not have a six-pack.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

According to my mum, having sex at an army base wasn’t a bad experience – it’s the only place where she’s done the walk of shame and people have saluted her – but she left thinking, ‘There’s a guy I’ll never see again.’

Three months later, however, Mum found herself urgently ringing army offices across Norway trying to get in contact with a guy whose whereabouts she didn’t know.

Mum left the one-night stand thinking, ‘There’s a guy I’ll never see again’ (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

My parents wanted me to have as normal a childhood as possible (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

When she eventually found him, she sent him a letter – the contents of which I’ve only learned recently.

Dad told me the letter said two things: one, I’m pregnant; and two, I have chlamydia.

Luckily, they decided to only get rid of the latter.

The idea of becoming a couple was, as far as I know, never even on the table. Which honestly, I’m happy about. They’re so different. However, because they both wanted me to have as normal a childhood as possible, they made the unusual decision to raise me together. And, with the support of my extended family, they committed to it.

I was happy – I didn’t know anything different (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

Though I lived with Mum, we both spent holidays with my dad’s parents. On birthdays, Dad would come to celebrate with my mum and her family.

My parents were kind of like friends who had a mutual pal (me). They had a great relationship with each other’s families, and all four of my grandparents got on as well.

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I was happy – I didn’t know anything different.

My parents had a great relationship with each other’s families (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

Outside of the big occasions, though, my parents often had to improvise visits as they both had little money and lived a few hours apart.

It’s why, for a few years, Mum would send me to my dad’s with a lorry driver she knew called Karl, as it was cheaper than buying train tickets. I loved it. I got to sit in the front seat of the lorry – none of the other parcels were allowed to do that!

However, after spending a lot of time together in my formative years, two (now failed) marriages between them sent my mum to Bergen and my dad to Kongsberg, 250 miles away.

I had a great childhood, says Thor (Picture: Rebecca Need Menear)

The distance means that my parents haven’t really spent much time together since I was 10. Which I’ve only in recent years thought was a shame.

I would still travel to see my dad every month, but now by plane.

At the dinner table, aged 13, my eyes widened at my mum’s statement. I wasn’t upset about the one-night stand; I thought it was cool, and a much better story than having divorced parents.

I rang my dad. ‘Mum says I’m a one-night-stand baby.’

Dad hesitated on the other end. ‘That’s not true,’ he said, before adding: ‘I think it was two nights.’

I decided to write a show titled One Night Stand Baby (Picture: Rebecca Need Menear)

People are often surprised that, given the circumstances, I have such a good relationship with my parents and that they have such a good friendship with each other.

But we’re fortunate in that they were supported by a system that let them focus on being parents. For instance, in Norway, parents get a combined parental benefit of 49 weeks at 100% of your salary. I’m sure that if I’d been born in a different country, it wouldn’t have been the same.

People often worry when I tell them my parents had a one-night stand and were never together. They wonder what kind of impact it’s had on me.

But I had a great childhood. I think, ultimately, the main way it’s affected me is that I’m really good at wearing condoms.

It both broke and soothed my heart to see how much my parents still care about each other (Picture: Thor Stenhaug)

That’s why, after moving to the UK to pursue standup in 2019 and cutting my teeth at the best (and worst) comedy clubs in the country, this year I decided to write a show titled – you guessed it – One Night Stand Baby.

My parents were supportive – both of my career and the show’s concept – and I couldn’t wait for them to see it at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival together.

It was the perfect excuse to fulfil my dream of reuniting them – until I realised I now had to talk about their (very brief) roll in the hay (which resulted in me) in front of 150 strangers, with my parents in the front row.

Want to learn more about Thor?

Thor Stenhaug is on tour with his stand-up show One Night Stand Baby from Jan 27. Tickets available at thorstenhaug.co.uk

Fortunately, they loved it – even the bit about them arguing over whether or not to get an abortion.

It both broke and soothed my heart to see how much my parents still care about each other. Even after barely seeing each other for the last 20 years, they behaved like a married couple for the rest of their five-day visit.

They shared breakfasts at the hotel they were both staying in, they visited tourist attractions together, and apparently enjoyed plenty of drunken evenings in pubs together – which, of course, I reminded them, is how we ended up here in the first place.

If this is anything like the 90s, who knows! I might just get a little brother and even a sequel to my show.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk.

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