By Lisi Tesher

Copyright thestar

Q A longtime acquaintance of mine walks around with a chip on his shoulder the size of the planet. His smile, when I see him, comes with a slight dig; his warmth, when he asks about my family, has a slight chill. I’m in my early 70s. I’ve known this guy since we were in grade school.

We were never best friends, I never dated his sister or stole one of his girlfriends, and our areas of business and expertise never cross paths. We have few friends in common but, of course, we know many of the same people from back when we were kids and into high school.

Why does he act as though I wronged him way back when? And if I did, which I honestly don’t believe I ever had the opportunity, why doesn’t he just come right out and say something?

I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does.

A I believe it bothers you for the exact reason you don’t understand from where it originates. What I mean is, if you had bullied the guy back in the day, you’d know why he has a chip. And I believe you have already dug deep to see if you could unearth a long-lost memory. But if I’m wrong, get to it.

So assuming you really have no idea, and you really believe there’s nothing behind it that particularly pertains to you, then I suggest the next time you see him, ask him. Point blank. “Hey, old friend, why do you have such a chip on your shoulder when you see me?”

Be prepared to hear what he has to say, but after this long, you can take your time to respond. I honestly believe this is the only way you’ll get over it. I would also say avoid him, but it sounds as though you just bump into him now and again.

Q My brother has started dating a small-time celebrity and I’m very happy for him that he seems to have found someone who he really cares for and vice versa. I met this person once and got a great vibe from them.

However, their celebrity status is about to skyrocket as they just had a bit part in a movie that wasn’t expected to get great reviews and yet became a huge hit. I’m excited for them, and I’m excited for my brother because he’s so proud of his new boyfriend.

I’m just worried this person is going to break my brother’s heart and leave him in the dust. How can I protect my brother but maintain neutrality until my prediction comes true?

Worried Sib

A Wait, you’re predicting this new person will break your brother’s heart even though you don’t have any hint anything like that is happening? Put your predictions back in your pocket, please. There’s no need to create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that will have an unhappy outcome for your brother.

You barely know this person. Maybe they have their head screwed on properly, really like your brother and believe they can manage their new-found celebrity while still maintaining a healthy relationship with him. Wouldn’t that be the better outcome to wish for?

And if, by a mere coincidence, your prediction comes true please, whatever you do, please do not say “I told you so” to your brother. If you really want to be a caring sibling, allow him his space to learn and love, support him throughout his journey, through the good and the bad times, because there will be both. But hopefully, more good than bad.

FEEDBACK Regarding the fashion commentator (June 20):

Reader: “Loved your advice today to the woman who criticized the fashion industry and people who follow trends. This woman’s friend wanted to wear the latest pale-yellow colour which didn’t suit her. As you said, fashion is fun and whimsy. Don’t judge others. If a garment makes you feel good, then wear it.

“I am 80 years old and still love fashion. It makes me feel young and alive. Some friends like my style, others ask me with disdain why I am such a fashion maven? Because it makes me feel young and relevant. Why should I go around looking frumpy? It is good energy to try and look your best.”

Fashionista in Toronto

FEEDBACK Regarding sister afraid of heights (June 24):

Reader: “Your answer was spot on but maybe add that ‘friends’ who ‘cajole her into doing things she simply is incapable of doing’ aren’t ‘friends’ at all.”