By Lisi Tesher

Copyright thestar

Q My boyfriend cheated on me several times before I caught on to what was happening. I felt absolutely violated and sick once I discovered the extent of his philandering ways. I dumped him immediately and moved out of our apartment. I took everything that was mine, including the groceries I had just purchased and our cat.

Now he’s calling everyone in my family and friend groups. I’ve blocked him so he can’t contact me, by phone or through social media. And I unfriended myself from any of his accounts. I am NOT interested. Slowly my friends are blocking him as well, as are my sisters. Everyone thinks he’s a loser and horrible for doing what he did to me. Somehow, no one knew about any of it.

My cousin thinks I should give him another chance. She says he called her crying and told her everything, every story, every girl, everything. She listened and felt he was justified in every cheat and therefore deserves another chance.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. What do you think?

A I think your cousin has some strange ulterior motive. Your boyfriend cheated on you multiple times. Let me be clear: there is absolutely NO justifiable reason for him to have cheated on you even once. He has full control of his hands and who they touch and where, of his lips and who they kiss and where, and of his penis and where he puts it.

Do NOT go back for more punishment because he WILL cheat on you again. And you need to have a deep discussion with your cousin to find out why she would ever want to put you through that again. There’s something fishy going on there … I hate to say it, but I do not trust your cousin.

Q I am suffering from some trauma that happened to me years ago. It has had a profound lasting effect on me. I have been through numerous professionals and my guess is that, through maturing, adolescence and young adulthood, my needs have changed.

I recently found a new person online whose credentials appeared legit and high-end. I set up an appointment and spoke with this person once only to discover that their degree was some online bulls—- from a prestigious school in Europe, and that they had zero experience in dealing with situations like mine. I paid for this session and am disgusted to think that there are people out there professing to be professionals when they’re just hacks.

How is this allowed and how can I find someone legit?

Trauma tagged

A Keep searching and don’t give up — on finding help and on yourself. Not every therapist is the right fit. It can be a process to find the right one. This person doesn’t sound legit from your description, but who knows? Bottom line, who cares? They didn’t work out for you, so find someone else.

Yes, I agree — it’s uncool to portray yourself as something you’re not, especially when other people’s mental health is in your hands. But you can’t control that.

I once found a therapist who sat in her high-backed granny chair, with her glasses down her nose, pen poised over a notebook and went “mmm-hmmm” after everything I said. I ran out of there never to look back. She was definitely NOT for me.

I also suggest you speak to your family doctor. They are usually connected to trauma centres, trauma specialists and could perhaps set you up with an appointment for a consultation. Keep going!

FEEDBACK Regarding the TikTok poster (June 12):

Reader: “The safety of the children is the major issue here. But posting any details about one’s life has other hazards, too. Data obtained in massive hacking events is often sold to small-time criminals on the dark net. Those purchasers then attempt to match the data obtained with additional information needed so they can access bank accounts. Social media is a good place to find this info.

“Your security questions, for example, often ask for your dog’s name, your best friend in childhood, your grandmother’s maiden name, etc. — all things that may casually be revealed on social media.

“Thieves can also use other info such as when you’re away, that you own an in-demand vehicle, etc. You then make yourself vulnerable not just to local criminals but to highly organized networks working across large areas. Revealing details of your life in a public forum is beyond foolish.”