Copyright The Oregonian
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve witnessed many women leaving their purses unattended in the toddler seat of grocery carts. They will turn their back to the cart to look for an item nearby, usually for less than a minute. However, a couple weeks ago, I turned into an aisle at the grocery store and there was a cart at the other end of the aisle with a purse sitting in the toddler seat. I stopped and waited for about three minutes before a woman came around the corner, put an item in the cart and moved along. She picked up a few more items, paid for the purchase and left the store. I was wondering if I should have said something to her, since she had intentionally left her purse unattended for a minimum of three minutes. If so, what should I have said? I don’t want to approach someone if this is none of my business or could possibly result in a confrontation or rude rebuke. However, I would like to be helpful if it will help prevent a theft. GENTLE READER: Your duty to intervene increases with the value of the object and the likelihood it will be purloined. You would presumably not be asking if it were a question of, “Mister, hands off that baby.” Or “Get your own can of peas -- this one is taken.” The case you describe may exceed the normal deference shown to the foolishly risk-tolerant. Absent a robbery in progress, however, speaking still requires an apologetic tone: “Excuse me, forgive me for saying anything, but there have been some recent thefts of unattended items and you might want to keep an eye on your purse.” You will forgive Miss Manners the invention of these “recent robberies,” but it is necessary: Sharing information is helpful, while telling someone how to behave is rude. Combined with not intervening too often, this will minimize the number of rude responses. Just do not be surprised that, when you do say something, the immediate reaction will be to clutch the purse and look at you as if you are a robber.
