Copyright Yardbarker
Despite what some wanted us to think, disco ruled. It ruled. The cockroaches will be dancing to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” long after humans are gone. The Bee Gees’ “Staying Alive” plays in Valhalla and always will. But like all good things, disco became a victim of its own success. That’s how we got awful novelty songs like “Disco Duck.” We’re thinking about that terrible track today because of Mattel’s latest announcement. The massive success of Barbie guaranteed we’d eventually get a bunch of ill-conceived, nonsensical toy-based movies. And that’s certainly what a live-action film based on a View-Master toy sounds like. Yes, a View-Master, the thing you used to look at pictures. Mattel Studios, Sony Pictures Entertainment, and Escape Artists have announced they’ve tapped Phil Johnston to write a View-Master live-action feature film. They say the film, based on the 3D-image toy, “will be a four-quadrant family adventure.” Johnston is best known for co-directing and co-writing Wreck-It Ralph and Ralph Breaks the Internet. He earned Academy Award nominations for both. He also co-wrote Zootopia. In a statement, Johnston explained why he wanted to work on this film: View-Master was one of my favorite toys when I was a kid (still is), because it gave me a chance to explore faraway worlds without ever leaving my room. I would escape into those slides for hours at a time, and no one would yell at me for staring. I want to bring the wonder I felt as a bowl-haired kid in the 80s to the big screen now, and working with Mattel, Sony, and Escape Artists is giving me the chance to do just that. …..Okay. So they’re turning the idea of looking at interesting pictures of interesting places into a movie. Wooooow. Who could have ever come up with that idea if not for View-Master? And how fortunate for Mattel they found the one person who looked at them for hours, a thing no other child ever did. For analysis, we turn to Existential Crisis Barbie. Nailed it. But we’re not giving up on this film already. This is such a non-idea that a View-Master movie might actually end up being really good. The View-Master could be an excuse to write a fun fantasy adventure about a magical device that transports its wearer to exciting places under the guise of an established product. If that’s what we get instead of a movie that genuinely leans into this non-toy toy, instead of giving us a “Disco Duck” movie, Mattel might give us a great movie that merely has a “Disco Duck” name.
