This article contains spoilers for the first six episodes of Season 9 of “Love Is Blind.”
“Are you trying to break up with me?”
“Love Is Blind,” Netflix’s dating binge-fest, has documented its fair share of awkward and bizarre breakups throughout its run. But the one that arrives at the end of the ninth season’s first batch of episodes, now streaming, is perhaps the most cringeworthy, and a sobering reminder of how the show’s fantasy premise doesn’t always triumph over the realities of dating.
The Colorado-set season introduced viewers to Patrick Suzuki, a project manager who came into the experiment open about his insecurities in the dating circuit as an Asian American man. During the show’s pod phases, in which participants get to know each other by having “dates” in a room where they’re separated by a glowing blue wall, Suzuki made his strongest connections with two women: Anna Yuan, a hairstylist, and Kacie McIntosh, a hair and makeup artist.
As much as the show’s foundation is about testing whether singles can fall in love based on an emotional connection, curiosity about physical attributes arises and often get discussed — and, in some cases, become viral moments if you happen to mention you’re dopplegänger is Megan Fox. Suzuki bonded with Yuan over their shared experiences as Asian Americans living in Colorado; like him, she revealed that she has mostly dated white people. McIntosh, who is Mormon, assured Suzuki early on that dating outside her race was not an issue with her or her family.
In the end, Suzuki proposed to McIntosh (Yuan chose to leave the production early). While their interaction at the reveal seemed to go well, albeit somewhat awkward considering the whirlwind circumstances, a few hours later, Suzuki was summoned by production to meet with McIntosh. What transpired next was McIntosh’s perplexing attempt at a breakup that was never expressly stated; instead she told him that she didn’t want to move on with filming the next phase of the experiment, which was a trip to Baja as a couple. “They’re [producers] asking me if it’s anything to do with what you look like,” she tells him through tears while caressing his head. “I‘m just like, ‘No.’” It was a one-sided conscious uncoupling made all the more confusing by the smattering of kisses and, later, a goodbye straddle — leaving Suzuki alone feeling hopeful, despite asking McIntosh multiple times if they were breaking up.
Over a video call, Suzuki discussed his breakup experience, how dating in the “Love Is Blind” experiment compares to real life and whether something good came from his time on the show.
This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
How would you describe what your “Love Is Blind” experience was like?
This experience was transformative. I didn’t know what I was getting into, exactly, when I got there. I’m just really glad that I did it and glad that things happened the way they did because it made me a lot stronger man, I think, and made me break free from a lot of things that I was dealing with and learn a lot about myself. Overall, 10 out of 10, A-plus experience.
You were very open from the start about your insecurities as an Asian American man on the dating circuit. How did that lead you to apply for “Love is Blind”? How does finding love on the show compare to your experience in real life?
For me, [applying] was more like a dare. I was talking to my cousin — my cousin’s an Asian man in Colorado as well — and we both grew up as the only Asian kids in class, so we have a similar understanding of where we’re at. He was just like, “Dude, I think that you would be a good representation on the show.” And I was like, “Dude, I don’t even watch reality TV. I don’t really want want to do it.” He’s like, “No, no, I think you should try.” Obviously, we were already talking about the Asian masculinity thing; we already look at our dating apps and how we’re not getting much traction. That’s where it started. We tried, we applied. I got onto the show and then got to exercise the insecurities and exercise the confidence and see where it was gonna go.
In real life — in my environment, especially — I don’t think I would have gotten any of those dates; we’re talking out of all those girls, I would never have gotten a single date with any of those girls on dating apps or in person. Maybe one or two, who knows. Being able to go into “Love Is Blind,” and hide everything and it just be myself, my personality and my confidence, and see relationships grow and transpire — honestly, it was magical. You’d have to be there, but it was just a magical, transcending moment. Day after day, it was like, “Damn, this is pretty dope.”
You mentioned not being a reality TV watcher, but I assume you had some awareness of “Love Is Blind.” Did you binge it before you applied or before you went into the pods?
I’d seen it. My sister watched it the first season. And I was like, “OK, that’s weird.” After a few seasons, I was like, that’s kind of cool, but still kind of weird. Then it was like, “Dang, they’re coming to Denver. Dang, OK, let’s try. Dang, now I’m here.” I’m starting to see the beauty behind it and how much freedom they’re giving me to just be myself and allowing girls to be themselves and they’re all from Denver, and it sucks that I had to do it like that because it’s on such a [global] stage and platform. I wish I could just run that experiment locally. But sometimes you gotta do it.
Obviously, it’s hard to glean the timetable when the experience is edited down, but it seemed like you revealed your race pretty early on and it wasn’t exactly by choice. Did you go in expecting to not address it at all? And talk about that moment of hesitation when the topic was brought up in the pods.
The way I was feeling was, I was gonna hold it to the very end. In my head, I thought it was a game. At first, I was like, “OK, this is kind of funny, kind of cool.” But then it got really serious, really fast midway through. I’m starting to catch feelings. These girls are starting to catch feelings. I was like, if you can make it out the pods, and you can make it through all those things, and you get married, this is going to be a pretty strong bond. This might be something you can share forever. At that point, I was like, I have to give them everything and explain to them my background, ethnicity, everything, just to be fully vulnerable. I don’t think it would have been fair to them to not know. How can you say yes to somebody when you’re about to go into my world? My mom is Cambodian, and she’s amazing. I love her to death. She’s the best cook ever. But there’s a lot of cultural things you have to do here. And there’s a lot of cultural stigmas that she looks at when it comes to female and male gender roles. I have to explain all those things before I ask someone to marry me. That’s how I felt about it.
We’re speaking before the season has dropped. Have you had a chance to watch any of the season yet?
I haven’t seen any of it.
With that in mind, how do you look back on your experience with both Kacie and Anna? Kacie was quick to give her assurance that being an interracial couple wasn’t an issue. And Anna, like you, said she’s typically had white partners.
We really jibed, me and Kacie, and me and Anna. We were really building a connection. I think she [Kacie] was being honest and truthful with everything that she told me, I just don’t think the experiment worked out for her. She wasn’t misleading. We were cool, we were kicking it. She just didn’t want to do it anymore. It is what it is.
You propose, Kacie accepts. You meet. She’s affectionate in that encounter. A couple of hours later, you get called back to have a conversation with her because she wants to end it. Tell me what was going through your mind as this all transpired.
My guard went up a little bit when I heard that she wanted to have a conversation because I thought the reveal went pretty well. I felt good about it. I think we both told each other we loved each other. I was going in and just wanted to hear what she wanted to tell me. I didn’t really know what she was going to tell me.
She’s trying to be gentle and is clearly concerned about the optics, but it makes it harder for you to understand what actually is happening. You’re thinking she just doesn’t want to do the show, but she wants to end the relationship. It was an awkward and confusing exchange, and that’s from a viewer’s perspective. How did it feel to you?
One thousand percent, I was so confused. [laughs] I was like, with [a] flower: Does she love me? Does she love me not? But in hyper-speed mode. I didn’t know. I’m just trying to figure out what she’s trying to tell me the whole time. I just didn’t understand what she was trying to tell me. But looking back on it, it’s like, “Oh, she was just trying to tell me she didn’t want to do it anymore.” In the heat of the moment, your emotions are running high; I still fully trusted her.
She was straddling you at one point. I could not make sense of what was happening.
I was thinking the same thing.
Both you and Anna acknowledge that you had only dated or mostly dated white people before this. What has this experience illuminated for you about any potential internalized prejudice, or how has it been a teaching moment?
Going through the experience has made me really think about that. I’m born and raised in Colorado; she [Anna] grew up in Colorado. It wasn’t because we were choosing to date Caucasian people. It was because that’s our environment. You think it through a lot and those internal prejudices are just … when you think it through, what really matters? What’s really important to you? Your values, their character, do they treat you well. That’s what I started to realize is way more important than anything else. It was a really cool experience, breaking free from all that.
Anna decided to leave the experiment just as it seemed like you were ready to make your decision. I know it’s a hypothetical at this point, but do you think you would have followed through with proposing to Anna?
Oh, yeah. We were humming. We were catching fire, but then she bounced. That would’ve been cool. I would have definitely proposed to her.
Can you explain to me, then, the decision to propose to Kacie? When the strongest connection is no longer an option, why is there the impulse to continue instead of bowing out?
For me, my insecurities were just taking over. I was just feeling like, “Hey, I want to see if she’s attracted to me. I want to see if this is the real deal.” I’m going into this experiment because I’m not getting a lot of dates in real life. Now, I’m beginning to showcase my personality, beginning to build feelings with someone, and I want to see if — my curiosity, basically, got the best of me. I wanted to see, I had to see. It was that deep, that far. She says she’s into it, I’m enjoying my time with her. Let’s see if this can actually work. And it didn’t work.
Do you feel like you ever got the closure you needed from how that turned out? Did you get to fully express what that experience was like for you to Kacie?
I think you’d have to find out. But I would say that, regardless of any conversation after that, being able to go to the reveal with somebody — that made me really, really grow. That made me really [have a] breakthrough, I think, and really understand it’s truly not about race. It’s truly more about confidence. With her leaving, that opened up really deep, unhealed wounds for me. So, I credit her and credit her participation because I don’t think it would make me who I am today without her, just from an emotional perspective. I didn’t really need closure at some point. You don’t really need it after you piece it together in your mind that she just didn’t want to be there.
Before I let you go, there’s been a lot of attention, sometimes criticism, of the working conditions on “Love Is Blind.” How was your experience? Are there any changes you think producers should make to the show?
I didn’t have a bad time. The food was good. They have a private chef or something like that. Ten out of 10, thumbs-up.
Would you do it again?
Ohhh, no! I’m sorry, one time’s enough. I got double heartbreaks. It would be pretty damn brutal. I’m 32 now. I gotta settle down. I gotta have some kids and chill out.