Copyright guampdn
On Sept. 25, the I Pinangon or The Awakening Suicide Prevention office at the University of Guam held a forum titled “The Power to Keep Going: Resilience in Hard Times.” We ought to keep in mind that suicide prevention is everyone’s job. At the forum, presenters noted the importance of discussing suicide prevention issues at home with our children. I opened the forum by thanking Rita Sharma, PhD, director of the I Pinangon Prevention of Suicide program at UOG; Emily Gomar, head program assistant; and the practicum students in the program office, Jaezel Arjona, Seungwoo Kang, Chloe Flores and Hazel Sapul. I believe that we need to recognize the dedication of these people, and the high quality professional and psychological services that these professionals, and para-professional students are contributing to everyday in our community. Let’s get personal. The day has passed when people can easily think that psychological services are something that only “crazy people” need. There are still a lot of stigmas associated with seeking counseling, let alone even asking for help. The time has passed when people can easily label other people as the ones who need psychological services. We all need to engage in self-cultivation, self-development and self-realization. We cannot improve the quality of our lives without assistance from others, especially highly trained professionals who practice the healing arts. Confucius said that the junzi or person of virtue (that is a person who leads with virtue as an exemplar for others) is a person who practices what she says in teaching and says in teaching what she practices (Analects 5.10). If you are going to be an effective role model for the next generation, then you must be able to walk the talk, to put the theory of the healing arts into practice. To remove the stigma of going to counseling, we might consider reversing the image. Instead of being leery of someone who went to counseling, we should be leery of those who did not go to counseling. ‘Is this the best way to respect our parents?’ Contemporary Chinese philosopher Li Zehou, who passed away a few years ago, posed this question concerning the contemplation of accomplishing suicide, namely, “is this the best way to respect your parents?” One of the recuring themes in suicide prevention is that there is a personnel intimate dispute, a fight, in which insults are bantered back and forth. You feel like your honor has been attacked and insulted. You want to fight back and repay insult for insult and restore your honor. Is accomplishing suicide the best outcome? Is that the best way to treat your parents? Is it the best way to restore your honor? Song Rongzi was an ancient Chinese philosopher who proposed that being insulted was not a big deal. It was not about “forgive and forget” but merely forget about it and be detached from the judgments of others. Or we can accept an insult as a badge of recognition. Mindset is everything. Ancient story I was thinking about this ancient story summarized as “Farmer Sai lost his horse and gained myriad blessings,” that is, based on the yinyang flip flopping of life’s experiences, things keep changing—insults turn to praise; praise turns to insults. The story goes something like this: One day, poor farmer Sai wakes up to find a beautiful strong stallion has jumped over the fence and is in his corral. The townsfolk all praise him for being lucky. He replies, “Who can say bad luck comes from good luck?” The horse jumps the fence and runs away. When his neighbors say he has bad luck, he says, “Who can say good luck comes from bad luck?” The stallion returns with a herd of mares. When folks praise his good luck, he says, “Who can say good luck leads to bad luck?” When his eldest son is breaking in the horses, he is thrown off and badly crippled. Again the neighbors curse him with bad luck, and he says, “Who can say, it leads to good luck?” When the army drafts all the young men in the village, his crippled son is left in bed. Everyone says he is so lucky at least his son is at home. And he says, “Who can say good luck leads to bad luck?” ‘Worth living for’ So I was thinking to myself that being insulted is a form of bad luck that can and often lead to good luck. Why get so wrapped up in the insult that it requires immediate action to get even and set the record straight? It takes some self-discipline to slow down and stop immediately responding to an insult. We must practice it and be mindful to slow down and not immediately respond to the insult. If I’m concerned about preserving my cherished honor, then slowing down by not reacting too quickly or too harshly is “the” way to preserve my honor. This requires taking the insult as the initial step toward receiving a badge of honor, for having the self-discipline and the self-control to remain calm in the face of adversity. To have some grit and resilience to accept the insult as a platform for self-cultivation to improve myself in order to promote a positive living environment that also improves the lives of others. I will promote “the principle of honor that is worth living for” by living, not by accomplishing suicide. If my parents and I have mutually insulted each other, then will accomplishing suicide really reestablish honor in the family? Is suicide really the best solution to the problem at hand? Do we need a permanent solution to a temporary problem? Our bodies are not ours. Our bodies are gifts from our ancestors. Given that things keep changing and our interpretation of them also keeps changing. Let’s follow Song Rongzi and not be overcome by insults. Let’s receive insults as the basis for the impending reward of recognition, but let’s not get attached to the reward either and let it, too, change as the creative processes of life advance. Accomplishing suicide will “not” restore honor in the family. Suicide is not the best way to treat one’s parents or to get even with them for disrespecting you. We choose to live for a purpose. We live to defend the good and just cause. And we, thereby, have the opportunity to begin the search for meaning and to create that meaning and self-esteem that makes life worthwhile. If some principles are worth dying for, then they are certainly worth living for. Once dead, we are not certain that we can enjoy those lofty principles. After death, we cannot help others find meaning or self-esteem. So, I propose that we go on living, that we go on searching for meaning, and that we go on creating meaning, creating value, significance, self-esteem and self-worth. So, let’s keep in mind that suicide prevention is everyone’s business. The importance of having open discussions at home about suicide prevention cannot be over emphasized.
