Sick and tired of fussing and fighting? Here’s a relationship hack you can count on — literally.
Arguing with the one you love is now a thing of the past, thanks to the viral “1 to 10 system” that’s unlocking deadlocked lovers from the chains of marital discord.
“Instead of arguing, ask each other, ‘On a scale from 1 to 10, how important is this to you?’” suggested Emily Scott, a married lifestyle influencer, to over 1.1 million Instagram viewers. “You can use it for anything, from home projects to dinner plans.”
It’s a ranking system by which both partners are able to rate the significance of an issue — from minor conflicts like figuring out what to have for dinner, to major stalemates such as deciding which state to live in together.
Categorizing a topic as a “1” typically suggests that the outcome is unimportant, while a “10” implies that the matter is of utmost importance. The other digits within the range indicate each party’s inclination toward either extreme.
After the couple assigns their individual numbers to a situation, the person closest to 10 — meaning they’re fiercely committed to a certain conclusion — “wins” the struggle, according to Scott.
“Less arguing, more peace,” she bragged in the clip, adding, “It works AMAZINGLY for us.”
It’s a little hack that does the trick, says Erika Bach, a NYC licensed clinical psychologist.
“Meeting each other’s needs is pivotal for the security of a relationship,” Bach told Bustle. “Plus, both partners want to know that what they want and need will be seen and acknowledged.”
To avoid intense blow-ups, pairs are liable to turn to anything for help — numbers, words and even hieroglyphics.
Rachel Bowie, a podcaster and author, swears by the short phrase, “always assume good intentions,” as a method for diffusing relationship strife. It’s an empathetic approach to conflict resolution.
“The act of assuming good intentions serves as a reminder that we are, in fact, in tricky situations together,” she wrote in a recent essay, “allowing us to reframe a messy moment and reminding me to pause, back up and put myself in my spouse’s shoes.”
Carly Dober, the principal psychologist at Enriching Lives Psychology, separately suggested that sweethearts schedule specific times to iron out the wrinkles of their romance instead of losing sleep over them.