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In a 2016 interview with the "New York Times," Whoopi Goldberg, when asked her thoughts on marriage, famously answered, "I don't want somebody in my house." Someone recently mentioned this quote to me, and I replied, "Same." Then I went home, stretched out on my couch and probably read a book or watched one of the numerous TV shows on my ever-growing list of things to stream. This is what many of my evenings look like, and while many people might find this existence lonely, I find it glorious. I'm 41. Most of my friends are married or in long-term relationships. I'm single, have been for quite a while, and am quite content with the situation. That wasn't always the case. From high school to my early 30s, I stressed about finding a partner. Because that's what you do, isn't it? You pair up. You take on life with a partner, because who can handle this mess alone? Very few people, if anyone, seem to want to, but I've found that being single doesn't mean being alone. Building relationships in my own way People get married or settle into committed relationships for many reasons, one of them being to raise children. I never wanted to have kids, so that wasn't a reason for me to get married. After several years of dating people I couldn't see myself living with, I asked myself what my actual reasons were. The answer, it seemed, I didn't really have many. That fear of being alone was always there, nagging, but I've found that going through life without a partner can offer rich opportunities for companionship. After graduating from college, I decided to go to grad school in Dublin, Ireland. Once I arrived, a week before classes started, I panicked at how alone I felt. I was in a country where I knew no one, and not a single person knew me. I'm not someone who typically strikes up conversations with strangers, but that overwhelming aloneness pushed me to reach out to others in a way I otherwise wouldn't have. Related stories Business Insider tells the innovative stories you want to know Business Insider tells the innovative stories you want to know On a bus between the main campus and the small satellite campus where I lived, I overheard three young women with accents similar to mine talking about starting class. I turned to them and asked if they were new here, if they were attending my school, and suddenly I found myself invited to dinner. This was 18 years ago. Last month, I visited one of those women in Atlanta. My scared outreach led to a lifelong friendship. Finding a good balance I've based my life on this model. I may not have one person I rely on more than anyone else for support and companionship, but I'm far from alone. I'm fortunate to have close, local family ties, but I've also built friendships by pursuing my interests. I'm involved in theatre and I've joined online groups based around common interests that have led to local, real-life relationships. I make an effort to keep in touch with friends from as far back as elementary school, and I've discovered two things: I have a network of people I love and want to spend time with, and I also really enjoy my own company. I'm not completely ruling out a committed romantic partnership, but I'm not actively pursuing one these days. Without a partner, I've been forced to figure things out myself, to claim my independence, and there's power in that. When things become difficult, I acknowledge that I need help from others. It's been lovely to realize how many people in my life are willing to offer support if I ask. And those people are more than welcome in my house — temporarily.
