Copyright smh
As we moved in together and started planning a wedding, the cracks began to show: deeply misaligned values, perspectives, attitudes to mental health, and ways of managing conflict. I went from sheer bliss to feeling like nothing I could do was right. From feeling cherished to feeling put down. From having a voice to hiding my feelings. From the elation of having found my person to dreading my wedding day. With all that came the gnawing question: should I stay or should I go? We’d already sent out invitations. My clients knew I was engaged. It felt shameful to be in this position. Of all people, I should have known better. The truth is, being a therapist didn’t make any difference. My childhood, my family dynamics and my past relationship wounds overtook my professional skills. My fear of abandonment and of being alone were too strong. My worries that I was “too much” and my doubts that I was worthy of love had been operating unconsciously for years, driving my choice of partners. I decided this would be the last time they would control my life. I called off my wedding, he moved out, and I went back to therapy. And this time it was different. The lessons felt truly profound, perhaps because I was finally open to hearing them. It was Schema Therapy that changed everything for me. Schema Therapy focuses on our unmet emotional needs from childhood, which contribute to the formation of relationship patterns. We’re at the whim of our wounds, which impact our beliefs about ourselves and others and, in turn, drive our behaviours.
