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Q. Dear Meredith, My husband keeps getting tattoos I do not like. For example, he got an image of a snake that in my culture implies someone is untrustworthy and sneaky. The man I married is neither, and I don’t like looking at that image on his body because of the negative association. He tried to explain that it’s “just a cool design,” but I can’t help but see it differently. I don’t want to infringe on his bodily autonomy or self-expression, but he keeps on making more appointments and covering his body with more tattoos I don’t like. I have some tattoos too, so it’s not that I’m against tattoos, I just find his style awful. I don’t want to look at these images on my husband’s body permanently for the rest of our lives. I have been trying to hold my tongue, but I just can’t anymore. Am I being unreasonable? Do I have any right to express my opinion on what he does to his body? Do I just need to get over it? – Inked A. This is complicated. You want your husband to have agency, and to make choices about his own body, but you also like what you like. It’s OK if you find these designs off-putting. The thing is, most people want to be attractive to their partners. That’s why it’s OK – and even kind – to share your preferences. Perhaps you can tell him what tattoos might look great on him. I’m sure you have ideas. You can also say, “I don’t love looking at that snake because while it’s just a design to you, it means so much more to me.” Hopefully he’ll listen. If he doesn’t care what you like – or if his need for these tattoos is more important than anything else – maybe you both have new priorities and are growing apart. If there’s a larger issue, it’s time to know. Perhaps there’s been so much personal evolution that you’re not the right fit anymore. Or maybe he’ll say, “Huh. You’re right. This one’s not worth getting.” As you have this conversation, ask about the reason for the uptick in tattoos, in general. It’s not a problem, but for some people, tattoos are about working out questions, honoring moments, and making change. I wonder why he needs more and more of them. If you haven’t asked, please do. – Meredith Readers? How do you feel about tattoos on partners … if you don’t like the tattoo? Is there more going on here than just personal choices and different preferences? Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].
