Copyright ghanamma
Dear GhanaWeb, I’m a 32-year-old woman struggling with relationships because it feels like no man wants to stay with me. I was subjected to female genital circumcision as a child, and it has affected me all my life. I don’t know what it means to feel aroused or to desire a man. I feel numb, like a log. I see other people enjoying intimacy, but everything I’ve tried to experience that same feeling has never worked. I just pretend, and I’m too shy to talk about it with anyone. My first relationship happened when I was 26. I was still a virgin then. I didn’t really desire my boyfriend, I was just with him because he was cool and smart. When it came to sex, I kept postponing it. The first time we tried, it was horrible. I later confessed to him that I had been circumcised. He tried to make things better by getting a lubricant, but he still complained. He even tried to force me to act as though I enjoyed it, but I couldn’t. We argued often, and eventually, he left. Now, I’ve met someone else. It’s been almost a year, and I still haven’t wanted sex. Whenever he asks, I postpone it. I’m scared and ashamed to tell him that I was circumcised. I fear he would reject me. But refusing to have sex is also making him frustrated as time goes on. I don’t feel any sexual desire. Nothing turns me on. Even watching porn or trying new things just annoys me. I feel completely numb—like wood. But I still want to get married and have children. I want to feel like other women do. Because of what happened, I’ve not spoken to my parents in eight years. I hate them for doing this to me, especially my father. I don’t even know if they’re alive or dead, and they don’t know where I am either. No one in my family knows where I live. None of my younger sisters were circumcised, they said it was because I was the first child and they wanted me to “focus in life.” I hate my existence sometimes because I can’t experience pleasure. I see people go crazy about intimacy, and it just frustrates me. I want to be happy too. I want a family. But I don’t know if anyone will ever accept me. This man I’m with still doesn’t know, and it’s been over a year. How long can I keep hiding and crying myself to sleep every day? What should I do? Watch the latest episode of Health Focus below
